Hey everyone. I’m starting to get really tired of my head fucking with me about my ex. I’ve been doing the suggestions that you all have suggested and it keeps messing with me. I got an email from her telling me how horrible of a person I am and that she hates me and never wants to hear from me again. I wasn’t the best person but a lot of what she said to me wasn’t true. The majority of the things she said I did is what she had done to me. My therapist said that they’re all lies and that from the way I described our relationship that she has narcissistic traits. I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that she had cheated on me the 3rd month we were together. I don’t know about if she did physically but she was trying to hook up with this guy while I was in jail. I decided to not leave her as I loved her and she promised it would never happen again. But after that she continued to lie about little things and then say she didn’t remember. I looked up betrayal trauma and that’s exactly what I had been experiencing. Whenever I would feel uncomfortable or insecure she would say I was needy and when. I would bring up what happened she would tell me that I had done something I didn’t do and tell me my memory was bad. Ive come to see that she had been gaslighting me for quite a while but I never thought about it because I thought she loved me. Anyway I’m having a hard time getting her out of my head and heart. She was very cruel in her last email and I want to respond but I don’t think it would help me feel better and move on. I find myself constantly checking my phone to see if she’s messaged me and it’s driving me nuts. I’m really not in a healthy place right now. I’m still sober and don’t want to use but I’m getting so worn out by the constant anxiety the memories and intrusive thoughts are causing me to hurt. Do you have any ideas that could help me get over this? I do yoga, meditation, excersise and pray every day but I’m not getting better. Should I write her and let her know how I feel to get closure? Thanks
Yeah @Jennajen I have some good guys here at the treatment center I’m at it’s just getting embarrassing and I feel stupid for still struggling with this and I don’t want to keep bothering them. I feel like I should be over it by now and I’ve just been telling people here that I’m doing good when they ask even though I’m not getting better.
Cool! What’s the meeting called, is it on zoom?
Awesome thank you!
Rob, click on the link she has in her post; I think that should bring you to the page where you would log in.
Block her number, block her email, all forms of communication.
It’s not about her - the blocking is just for your own stability in your early sobriety. You’re both in a pretty rough patch emotionally, and since the relationship is over anyway, there’s no need to maintain communication. And there’s a real risk the emotional instability you’ll feel, will precipitate a relapse.
Block her, for now. If you want to re-establish communication, you can do it later, when you’re stable.
Thanks @Matt I appreciate it and I agree with you. I can feel that if anything more happens it could be bad for my sobriety and I want to stay sober more than anything. Thanks for your advice 
Thank you @purr. Yeah the push/pull of “I love you, I can hardly wait till we get married!” to the ignoring me for hours and saying “she doesn’t feel ok with us” the next. It’s definitely something that hurts spiritually, mentally and physically (anxiety etc.) I’m glad you are doing better, thank you for your help 
Awesome @purr, going to take that advice and run with it. Thank you so much have an awesome rest of your day
Rather than email her, write a letter to her and include everything you’d like to say and then burn it. Maybe getting it out on paper will give you some closure.
I have never been ia relationship but
man just dont lose confidence
is your stronger emotion
Sounds good @Lisa07 I’ll try that again. I’ve written so many lol but I guess I’ll keep going until it’s out of my system. Thank you so much
I wouldn’t get in contact. Change your email address, phone number, block her from social media. Once she realised you are unreachable, she might move on herself. Cheats are narcissistic, compulsive liars, its all about them only. One of my counsellors told me about betrayal trauma, I think it’s the shock your mind has to go through and the rebuilding process. It is very soul destroying. You have to put yourself first and remove yourself from those who are negative and toxic, no matter how much they say they love you. You have come a long way, contact with your ex may hold you back. I think she just playing on your mind, they crave attention, it’s all about their ego good and bad. Watching you suffer gives them joy. You have taken a step forward to recovery so focus on this and what positive vibes it brings you. Surround yourself with the real people in your life. I spent years taking one step forward and two steps back. Now I am determined to take two steps forward, and if I take the one step back, it’s ok because I still moved on and I will keep on moving. Be strong and keep up the good work.
Boy, I think I came on at the wrong time 
…whats up peeps???
Though this is a rough topic, sensitive as hell t may be right now is the time for you to share share share. Get you thoughts and feelings out there trying to release any resentments you may have about her still. But first and for most its time for you to spend time with self. Find out who you really are now! Learn to love yourself again, start speaking positivity into your life. After all our destiny relies on the tongue. What comes out our mouth is what molds us and sets the trend or path for future endeavors. So all the things your doing are great but try more things like looking in the mirror telling yourself that you can do it,that you love yourself today & that your are a great person
Yes yes. I don’t know what I came on into, but anywho…I just want to say that it’s good to get it out into the open here…not to “her” per say…leave that equation alone. That is over…I’m assuming you two are like oil and water together…you don’t mix well. That happens…it may not even have been about you…doesn’t matter. What matters is that your here asking for help…we are here as your peers…in return we try to be there for you. Without judgment. No matter what we click into lol
You went from closure giving her concert tickets to this?
End what is over. Tell her to never contact you again. Make her “Persona Non Grata”, in that you no longer recognize her existence in your world. Evict her from your mind, as she is now residing there rent free.
Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
You can definitely write it all out for your own closure, but please DO NOT SEND IT and do not contact her. That is over. Take all the time you need for your closure, but on your own. Journaling is a great idea and can be a positive release. The past is gone, let it stay behind you and move forward. Not everyone stays together or is meant to. That is life and it is okay. Say goodbye and focus on all the good stuff you want to attract in life.