I’m curious if anyone else has found this. Been sober 2 years and the pink cloud is well and truly gone.
In the last few months, it feels like my spouse and I are completely different people. They still drink, often in a problematic way. But the real feeling of resentment they seem to have for me saying no to drinking really hurts. I don’t judge and while I’ve mentioned 12 step and SMART, they just seem really mad that I’m “boring”.
It’s made me realise that when I was drinking I didn’t see all the issues with finances and communication. And it makes their current irritation at my not drinking even more difficult to bear.
I hate to say it, but I am considering leaving. Has anyone else experienced this?
My wife never drank, only me. After getting sober, I started seeing how our life together really is, and there’s aspects I am not happy about. I’ve come close to leaving a few times, but haven’t. It would be hard to do that to my kids.
I’ve known of several people who have been in similar situations to you and I that did end up separating. Mostly for the bettet, but not always immediately.
It’s such a hard thing to realise I think. It’s a lot because it feels selfish, but it also feels like I am seeing clearly (especially now it’s been a couple years sober), and it’s sad and scary.
I found out I wasn’t the only one whose marriage was defined by the drinking of one or both spouses. When I stopped drinking, one of our fundamental ways of being with each other (I get drunk, do stupid shit, she gets mad, I get resentful, I get drunk) was completely removed. We went through some rough patches. The basic commitment to each other was not damaged, it was enhanced. Of course, that goes up and down also - I’ve experienced the desire to walk out more than once in sobriety.
It has an effect when one person unilaterally changes a fundamental in a relationship.
Yes, I have talked a lot about it on here. Maybe too much. He doesn’t drink, but sure as hell has his own issues with finances and control and communication. I never felt I could address these issues because I was “worse” by drinking and the consequences of that. Now sober, I see his issues, and more than that his inability to recognize them or work on them. Some things are my own shit that I need to work on, people-pleasing, passive-aggressiveness, but I do so much work in AA to try and improve, but I see him doing nothing and it makes me so mad. Like Hoofhearted I have come close to leaving many times, but stayed for the kids and financial reasons, really.
This may be something you find helpful You’re definitely not alone! Sometimes I feel so frustrated by my husbands inaction. I get impatient waiting for him to realize that drinking and smoking weed are not healthy coping mechanisms. I’m in a long term marriage so I can’t see how my life would be better living alone. Also, he is supportive of my being sober ,so there’s that,
Only you know what is best for you long term. We all deserve love and support and healthy relationships that encourage us to grow.
I’m so glad I just saw your share!
I too am finding the veil of my marriage lifting to find we have nothing in common.
I am only sober almost 3 months and am delighted with seeing me again. Unfortunately it would seem my husband isn’t.
We can’t even be in the same room together anymore. Christmas Day was so emotionally unbearable for me. Today isn’t any better.
I am scared to consider leaving as I have nowhere to go no funds ( he controls the finances, I have no access to them). He doesn’t talk to me so I’m not sure what to do.
I am stuck. Sober but stuck
I am in the same boat, been married 28 years now, and she still drinks and doesn’t get it, I have so much more to talk about, hit me back, got a Drs appt now, I feel we have a lot in common
Im literally going through this now. The kids are the only thing keeping me from walking. But I dont know how long I can go if things dont change. I dont want to be unhappy in a realtionship forever. I just wrote her a letter thinking that if she reads how I feel maybe it will click better than me speaking directly to her. Fingers crossed
I married 5 years ago as an alcoholic, i am 8 months sober and LOVE being sober. I do regret my marriage now. I don’t want to hurt him cause i feel im already a walking im sorry sign but don’t want to live this way forever unhappy, we are very different when it comes to cleanliness and partnership. Only time will tell on all of our journeys but now we get to make sober choices so at least in the end we know we are making clear decisions.
It’s better now, thank-you for caring
I have avoided dealing with grown up feelings by being drunk. Now I absolutely have to deal with them, sober.
Just a lot of emotions to learn to live with.
And I will do it.
He usually works out of town but he’s been home for 4 months now, I’m adapting
