GirlInterrupted: Running with Scissors ✂️

Girlinterrupted · April 25, 2021, 3:03pm

So, I think I’m under the weather? Rundown? I don’t know Just feeling funky.

I took tomorrow off to take my final. Thursday was my last class and I’m sad. I don’t know if I’m prepared, this last class by far is very complex. I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin physically. Could be all the caffeine this morning though.

Time to stop procrastinating, take my big girl medicine and get to my last day of studying

Well, not really last day. Cumulative exam of all the courses in October, so I’ll need to keep up with it but on a much less stringent schedule.

I have a call with a CRE module built on Salesforce to tell them where they need to improve , Technology snob initiate. Then off to learn and migrate two new softwares. Wouldn’t be me without an over stuffed plate

Girlinterrupted · April 25, 2021, 3:48pm

Omg and I just realized I posted my checkin on the wrong thread hahahahaaa. Oh well lol

Jim27 · April 25, 2021, 3:50pm

What’s your final in? You’re in school?

Girlinterrupted · April 25, 2021, 3:56pm

Sort of. It’s a certification course for my business. It’s TI get my CCIM designation:)

A Certified Commercial Investment Member ( CCIM ) is a recognized expert in the disciplines of commercial and investment real estate. The designation is awarded by the CCIM Institute, formerly known as Commercial Investment Real Estate Institute (CIREI) of the National Association of Realtors.[1] The CCIM designation was originally established by the California Association of Realtors in 1954 under the name Certified Property Exchanger (CPE).].[5]

A CCIM is a resource to the commercial real estate owner, investor, and user, and is among a corps of over 9,500 professionals around the globe who hold the CCIM designation. CCIM designees live and work in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, and more than 35 other nations. International membership includes more than 1,000 professionals.

CCIMs must be proficient in the areas of investment analysis, market analysis, user decision analysis and financial analysis for commercial real estate. In 2007, CCIM Institute launched the Robert L. Ward Center for Real Estate Studies, which offers concentrated courses on specific topics. CCIMs have access to a suite of online technology tools through the Site To Do Business, and they can post properties for sale or lease through the online CCIMNet commercial real estate exchange.

Of the more than 150,000 commercial real estate professionals in the United States, only an estimated 6 percent hold the CCIM designation. [ 6]

Jim27 · April 25, 2021, 3:59pm

Commercial real estate, cool. My dad was in it and half my friends are. It’s huge in the Bay Area

Girlinterrupted · April 28, 2021, 4:42am

Oh wow, that’s really cool! I love it. It’s a fun field… they couldn’t talk you into it??

Jim27 · April 28, 2021, 4:50am

I’ll save that for therapy. My family is more about them than me. Never really saw an opportunity and certainly wasn’t offered one. Everything worked out fine though

Girlinterrupted · April 28, 2021, 11:31am

Oh wow, same! It’s why I left NY actually. I specifically went to college for engineering to be like my dad, why I don’t know. I went for a dual degree in computer and electrical engineering. My father is an aerospace engineer.

Anyway, I wanted to work for his company right after my first daughter was born. He said he did not want to mix family and business and turned me down. I desperately needed work at the time, I was a newly single mother of an infant with zero child support, and the dad went off the grid because I refused to marry him.

Literally a month later he reached out to my sister and offered her a fucking job (housewife married to a rich dude). She worked there for a bit and then left to be a stay at home mom for a while. This was 25 years ago. To this day, whenever we are all together, it’s ALL they talk about. It’s so fucked up.

So I can relate. I don’t fit in my family at all either. I’m an outsider. So, I have my own business and both of my children will always be welcome, no matter what. Sorry you deal with this bullshit too. Until I started therapy, I hadn’t realized how damaging it was

Girlinterrupted · May 11, 2021, 10:43am

I don’t have time right now to post all I want to, but I just need to vomit words because I feel like I’m going to be sick.

My younger daughter posted a bunch of Mother’s Day pics posing with her stepmom and her siblings including the new twins. Seeing my ex husband happy after what he did to me and my life makes me physically ill too. Never before have I ever wished unhappiness on someone, but him getting this happy ever after while I’m over here picking up the pieces of the mess he left behind, makes me sick to my stomach. I still would never do anything to try to make his life miserable even though he continues to do this to me by alienating my child. His whole family is so fucked in the head and now his bizarre way of thinking is leaking into my daughters head.

Ugh, I just can’t. This hurts so bad. I’m trying to keep myself together and not feel like a total failure as a mother. I don’t know how my relationship with my two kids can be so entirely different.

Off to do my morning workout and hopefully pull my shit together.

Girlinterrupted · May 12, 2021, 1:15am

So, as the day went on, I felt better. Work is my miracle drug. All my problems melt away because I’m too busy to think about them. That has always been my thing. I remember breaking up with the move of my life at around 22 or so. I cried all the way to work. The literal second I walked in the door, totally fine. Then cried on the way home

We message on Snapchat daily. She knows she’s very loved. I just have to be patient and let this take it’s course. Her step mom has worked very hard to take everything from me. I don’t understand why, other than her telling me that she’s very jealous of me. I don’t know why, but do you.

So, on another note, I’ve been so content in my single life, and really not interested in dating at all. Like at all. The men here are fucking juvenile assholes. They want a 20 year old super model and they are gross sloppy drunk fucktards.

I went for coffee with the CEO of the Accounting/Financial Firm that takes care of my business stuff. The moment I arrived, it was constant flattery. Now don’t laugh, especially with how I just described Charlotte men lol, but he went on and on about how elegant and sophisticated I am He kept telling me how beautiful I am and my elegant demeanor. I swear this is true . I get that a lot actually, I 100% have no idea what they are seeing. But whatever, I won’t lie, it really felt nice.

I think mutual friends have been trying to set us up for a loooooong time now. I just never got around to meeting him. I’ve been friends with his partner at the firm for like 15 years, so I always just dealt with him.

So… I found myself potentially, maybe, possibly, maybe, possibly, maybe, consider the thought of maybe possibly going on a date if he’s interested.

Here’s the thing… He’s from Italy, sexy ass accent and I have so much fun with him. He seems deep and kind, and fucking financially very secure. Thank the sweet baby Jesus, because I’m sofa king tired of being a sugar momma. Anyway, I’m thinking that he might just be overly polite since he spent the first half of his life in Italy. He appears to be the total package and I really, really, enjoy his company. I’m definitely attracted to him in every way possible.

Sadly, my insecurity is something I’m still working on. My therapist was so proud, like so proud that I was even considering this. I just have not been open to it. I don’t have trust in men right now. Daddy issues and two violent ex husbands. I feel like I’m impossible to love. I feel like maybe I’m imagining the possibility of him being into me.

He sent me the following email, and I mean it seems like we might be ending the meeting off with a date? I can’t tell ahhhhhhhh I have NO GAME. I’m haven’t told him that I don’t drink yet, because I want him to feel comfortable drinking in front of me. I certainly don’t mind, and actually enjoy being in that environment, even more so now that I’m sober. Waking up feeling great the next day and remembering everything is the absolute tits!!! He’s not the kind of guy that will mind, and if he is? Peace out bro. I don’t need anyone in my life. So, if I let you in, you better be enhancing my already bomb ass life.

So, here’s the email. Is this just Italian friendly amore? Or does it seem like he’s interested? I feel like he is, but I would be super embarrassed if I were wrong about that Ugh, this is annoying lol.

SinceIAwoke · May 12, 2021, 1:23am

He’s into you,Beth.

Girlinterrupted · May 12, 2021, 1:47am

Thanks, I’ve had situations where I’m so sure and then they make me feel stupid

Lisa07 · May 12, 2021, 1:54am

I think he’s totally into you. "I didn’t want to let you go back to work. " is not said by just a “friend”.
I got excited for you just reading it.

AyBee · May 12, 2021, 2:07am

He’s not not into you. You dig?

Girlinterrupted · May 12, 2021, 2:26am

I guess tomorrow will be telling. I’m struggling with the fact that he’s superior to me and why would he like me. Then I say snap out of it, you’re freaking awesome. Typically, only freaking married men like me It’s incredibly annoying.

I think I definitely, maybe, possibly, sort of, definitely maybe, want him to like me. I hate this shit lol

The good news is that I won’t fuck it up by getting drunk and freaky deaky when we go out. I’ve never dated at my level or above. It’s foreign to me.

My mom always says “it’s just as easy to love a rich man”. I always say, it not just as easy to get a rich man to love you

My family is so status and money obsessed. I am not. I could give a rat’s ass. I supported both husband’s. I didn’t mind. I half wonder if my ego could handle being out earned. Good news is that in a few years it will be difficult to out earn me, so whew

I have no idea why I’m putting so much thought into this. I’m annoying the shit out of myself. I fully expected to never find anyone interesting ever again, and perfectly content with it.

I’m afraid of getting humiliated. It’s happened so many times that it’s hard for me to trust sign. Mr hot stuff will need to come right out and say it.

I’m still not sure if I’m even in the mood to date. Whatever, one day at a time, right? God this is embarrassing. I feel like I’m in high school

@Lisa07 I will give you a play by play girl

Lionfish · May 12, 2021, 2:31am

I can totally relate to this feeling and it’s absolutely awful. Like the actual feeling that comes up reading this is so overwhelming. I’m so sorry Beth. Just know I can completely relate and I hope you are able to let go soon. It’s so hard to understand how people can abuse you for so long and be almost blissfully unaware of the repercussions
… and then on top of it seeing them being blessed with fortune brings all kinds of other feelings with that. Because it’s not like you want someone else to suffer… but you wonder why YOU had to for so long?? And now it’s almost as if they are being rewarded. I don’t have any great advice as I’m still working through a lot of these same feelings. But working on letting go of the hate I’m holding onto and being kind to myself have been helpful.

You deserve so much love and happiness. You should try to see your worth and value, for yourself, not for other’s. Other’s obviously already see it… believe in yourself

Girlinterrupted · May 12, 2021, 2:42am

Wow, thank you. I can tell by your words you know exactly how I feel. It’s comforting, but I hate that you are going through it too. There has to be some sort of reason, one we’ll never unt. But damn

You are amazing too!!

Girlinterrupted · May 13, 2021, 11:45am

Quick update. He’s definitely extremely attracted to me and vice versa. However, he is the fucking master of mixed messages. Physically and freak in the sheets wise, we are ridiculously compatible. Honestly, personality, ambition, all of it. He’s just a hot mess and I left off the day much less excited about him than I went into the day with.

I have to grab my workout right now, but had to put some of this down. The mixed messages are insane, so I need to pull back a bit. I am happy with how I dealt with the day though. No giving into his freaking sexy ass Italian hotness for this gal. It wasn’t easy, but thank god for sobriety. Otherwise we would have been hinging from chandeliers Not from a lack of trying on his end. Sober Beth is the shit. Also, as predicted, he was completely cool with me not being a drinker. I think if you’re comfortable and confident about being a non drinker, others will be too. He’s not a big drinker anyway. He milked his drink and only had half of it.

DLS · May 13, 2021, 11:48am

Did I miss the part where you guys went out, and/or stayed in? I feel like I’m reading a book and I missed a chapter, lol

Girlinterrupted · May 13, 2021, 10:16pm

Haha, sorry. So yes. Yesterday he came to my office, and as per usual, we had a hard time staying focused on business as it’s really fun getting to know each other. He’s pretty much an open book and shared a lot of his life with me. So he wanted to hug me, fine, I’m uncomfortable because, I don’t know. I don’t really know you yet dude. He looked at me, all sexy Italian dude, and staring directly into my soul, I’m like oh shit, he’s going to kiss me. And kiss me he did, I’ll leave out the details in case of triggering people, but the rest of the day was like some geriatric version of 50 Shades of Grey

He respected me when I said no, but he was very persistent.

Here’s my problem with the whole thing. Like wow, that’s fast. Plus, he missed me first at my office, I don’t know how I feel about that shit. Bless his heart, he has not touched a woman in 3.5 years, so he’s insanely sexually frustrated.
He really knows how to make a woman feel like the most beautiful and sexy thing on earth, but here was the weird part that was initially a punch in the gut.

Y’all see how he talks, and if you could see in person, you would think I was his perfect, special prize. He drops this bomb that he’s not looking for a relationship and doesn’t know if he ever will. WHAT?? Then, he goes on to say we can spend lots of time together, exclusive with each other, do things, hang out, travel. Seriously? WTAF???

So knowing myself, I don’t think I’m capable of doing something so casual. So I said I would not be sleeping with him. We can hange out and work together. But unless I know I can handle it without catching feels, I’m not going to be a dumb bitch by going I’m hoping he changes. That’s setting myself up to get hurt.

He was under the pressure that as long as he’s upfront and honest, it’s not an issue. I said, well it is for me. Just because you told me you don’t want a relationship doesn’t change the fact that the likelihood that I catch feelings is very high. He was understanding, but the man can’t keep his hands off me. I just feel it was premature

He texted me first thing this morning, and once I saw it, we went back and forth a bit. Then he left me two long audio texts.

Anyway, not sure how I feel about this whole thing. To be honest, I didn’t put much thought into it today. I’m a little annoyed and sick of this bullshit from me. You’re going to pursue me and then shoot me down, and the KISS ME five minutes after shooting me down. I can’t. This is what I meant by guys always do this weird and stupid shit to me and then I feel fucking stupid.