Ahh Beth so heartbreaking 
is your eldest daughter close to Ava? Not that you should put her in the position to stick up for you, but if they talk, would she listen to reason alittle more from her sister since she isn’t from you…?
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@hazy This was actually the first time I said something. Her dad and I divorced in 2013, so after so many years of keeping silent and always doing the right thing, I decided to finally tell her the truth. With the approval of my therapist of course. He said it had to be done at this point, so I’m just going to have to step out of it for now. They have her too turned against me. In my situation it’s them doing all the shit talking. She’s been heavily coached and has basically been turned completely against me. It’s not all that uncommon for the children to favor the abuser. I don’t understand yet, but one day. I’m sorry you went through it too 
@Becsta Yes! They are very close and Emily picks her up occasionally so Ava can stay with her and her boyfriend. Ava idolizes her, so I’m just hoping that she sees how much Emily adores me and follows suit. She just needs therapy for the trauma she’s been through. She’s been very heavily coached there too. She told me she wanted to go. Then the next time I saw her she yelled at me and said to shut up about it, she doesn’t want to go, she’s fine, and to leave her alone about it. Emily is not one to her in the middle of things, but she’s old enough now to see things for herself and she’s been really concerned about a lot of this crap.
I started my letter to him for when I die 
it feels so good to get out everything I’ve been holding in for years and years. For fuck’s sake, I’ve not even told him how I feel because I’m scared of him. I’m actually scared of his wife too. She’s incredibly mean and confrontational. She’s very low class and super masculine. Not someone you want to meet in a dark alley.
This letter is so healing so far. Plus, he can’t kill me because I’ll already be dead. So in ya face bro!! I’m going to give it to my estate attorney when I’m done. It will be funny if he reads it when he’s 90
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That would be just unbearable. Sending strength. She lives with ur ex, right? Children can be so easily influenced, especially by the parent they are with the most. It must be so frustrating to see her issues and be unable to address them.
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Yes, she with him and the new wife. She was with me full time up until a few years ago. My 2nd husband insisted on moving to a house closer to his mommy 
and it was in a bad school district. I home schooled for a year. Then my boss at the time, who recommended it, told me I could no longer do it. I was bringing her to work with me.
So, I asked her if she wanted to try school by her daddy, and she was willing. It was really hard for me, because I knew this meant her being there during the week and with me during the weekend. But it was in her best interest and I had to get over my own sadness about missing her. I always wonder if this decision was a huge mistake. But honestly, she absolutely loves her new school and has lots of friends. However, it came at a huge price. I lost my daughter. It has gotten progressively worse over the past 4 years.
At least they are a family, 5 kids in that house. They just had twins in March. There’s no room for me 
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Oh Beth, I can’t imagine how heartbreaking this must be to go through. What goes through my mind is how malleable a 15 year olds psyche is. I mean 15 year olds brains are not fully developed and they can blow whichever way the wind blows. Sounds like the stepmom and dad have their claws into her. When my parents divorced when I was 17 and I moved to live with my dad at 18, my mom didn’t talk to me for 4 years!!! She wouldn’t return my phone calls. I think I talked to her twice and she just cried the whole time saying I reminded her of my dad. That was 17 years ago! Our relationship is amazing now, but I still to this day do not dare talk to my mom about my dads wife.
So I just wanted to say, hats off to you for being there for your daughter through all of this. For putting yourself into a situation that hurts because you love her so much. One day she will realize this. You will always be her mom, no one can ever replace you. But for now, it sounds like she still has a lot of growing up to do. But I just wanted to remind you to put you first. Your heart and your health are so important!! Anyway, I think you are an amazing mom! Ava is lucky to have you.
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.you absolutely haven’t ‘lost’ your daughter…don’t get down about it…get stronger !.. she’ll so need you in the future.
self pity aint a good place to be in. And I love using the words from an @Englishd quote “if I’m driving down the road staring in the rearview mirror, I’m gonna crash into a f++king tree” …
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I am so sorry for you and the situation you have to endure. I still believe in Karma. Sooner or later. And if it is only for you. You keep your side of the street clean. I think that’s a huge thing. I hope that in given time they are able to think and act individually, your daughters and you get closer together, somehow. 
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At the end of the Day be blessed for not use.
Prepare your next 24h.
If needed restart your day
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Oh no self pity here. Of course I’m sad, but I’m proud of my actions. My therapist is downright ecstatic with how I’m handling this. Anyone would be sad in this situation. It’s a normal reaction. I would actually worry about someone who was not hurt by the situation. So I don’t see how being hurt by this equates to self pity? But everyone is entitled to their opinions. I’ve never been one to wallow in self pity, I think that would be very clear by reading my posts on this forum. However, I worry about my daughter because she’s not getting the help and guidance she needs.
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It was just the last comment,…there’s no room for me…I’m glad you’re doing alright…are you doing the steps?
Awwww m sorry girl 
That’s a sad situation.
I tried to be friends with the wife, but she dumped me I had the nerve to hold her husband accountable for something and she lost her shit. I was so wanting to be this nice blended family, but I can’t be the only one putting in the effort 
I left him for a reason. Lots of reasons. I would never in a million years consider him again. Yet she’s so jealous of me and I don’t understand why. Totally not being conceited, she has flat out told me this numerous times. I’ve tried to ease her mind. Tell her she is exactly what he needs and she’s perfect for him. It’s not about looks or weight, I can tell he loves you so much. Blah blah blah. Whatever. I tried.
The ex’s family is very weird. Everyone disowns everyone. No one talks to each other anymore. He hasn’t talked to his dad in 20 years because he’s stubborn and him mom alienated him from his dad. I watched it with my own eyes. It was years and years of it. Now they are doing it with Ava. She’s definitely all him genetically. So there is a possibility that this sticks. But I will say this, that kid will always know she’s loved by me and she’ll never question it. Now, whether or not she gives a shit is another story
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@Hazy, If you’ve read any part of Beth’s story you would already know the answer to this. Here, I’ll help you with just one of the numerous times she’s mentioned this:
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Thank you!!!
Also, I’ll never stop getting a kick out of my origami dollars
I should mention:
In Alcoholics Anonymous and the other anonymouses (especially CoDependents Anonymous), a primary rule is to not take someone else’s inventory , just to take your own.
https://www.aagrapevine.org/magazine/2007/apr/step-four-other-mans-inventory
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OMG I totally understand where you’re coming from! My daughter is 100% her dad and her dad’s dad’s side is all mental AF!!!
I can’t stand my daughters dad and when she emulates his personality I am like oooooh noooo THERE’S TWO OF THEM!!! 
His family is the same way with the alienating. Her great grandpa had a restraining order against her grandpa and the relationship between Austin and his dad is aweful, can’t wait to get away from the madness.
At least you know YOU’RE not the madness. At least you’re sober and not taking this whole mess out on yourself. I mean, things could be so much worse. I seriously look up to your strength. You are bad ass! No wonder Mr. Italian can’t keep his hands off of you!!
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Wow! That’s such a huge tell!lol I would be screwed if that was my reveal of relapse!
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Hahahaaa. I couldn’t even fake it either 
I love coffee. I mean, shoot, that alone might be worth the sobriety haha
Hahaaaaa everything about this post had me smiling and laughing
I guess the only difference is that I’ll never ignore or shut down my daughter. She’ll always know that mommy is here fir her. Day or night, rain or shine, I’ll always be here, I’ll always be her momma, and I’ll always love her 
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So, I think the time has come to start trying to work on my eating disorder again. I can tell that my heart isn’t doing well. I got so scared after my last heart attack and I was able to quit for like 47 days or something like that. I would have to go back and look at my checkins here. I’m not good about updating that counter, so it’s not very accurate. I have 201 resets since May 2020 Not sure what the true number is, but it’s probably closer to 275-300.
I had one little slip the last time, and I figured it was just a slip and I wasn’t even going to count it as it was not premeditated. However, you see it on here all the time, the guilt gets to people and the next thing you know, they go all in. Like, “well, I fucked up, better make it worth it”
It’s hard to think of myself as fragile. I’ve been through so much physically, I feel invincible. I’ve said it before, I’m a damn cockroach lol. I mean shit, I’ve lived through two heart attacks too. So why would I be scared that a heart attack would kill me? Sigh.
So anyway, as of right now, I’m 0.83 days erectile dysfunction free.
Here’s the tricky part, I’m an anorectic bulimic. I do binge, but I also restrict and don’t like the feeling of food in my stomach at all. So even when not bingeing, I panic when I eat. So I have to be very careful about restricting my calories.
Alcohol seems easy compared to this. We all know that we can’t control alcohol, but we have to eat to survive. It’s that same obsession. I wish the naltrexone helped with this too! I have to give this an honest shot again.
I took all my triggering food and put it in a big bag and left it down at the park for the guys. I love them all so much and want to take them home with me everyday. It just crushes my soul. It’s not so bad now that it’s warm out, but the winter was torture. I felt like such a piece of shit walking my dog in her clothes and bows, and then going back inside to my warm apartment. 
I understand that I can’t save the world, but damn if I don’t really, really want to.
Anyway, here we go. Fighting this monster again. It won’t be easy, but perhaps easier than the other times. I’ve been working out every single day, 7 days a week, for almost a year now. Nothing crazy and I keep adding to it. But seeing the changes in my body, my growing little muscles, it gives me motivation to get even healther.
Whew, lets do this!
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So, two days down with the eating disorder. Today was hard.
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Hey Beth, how is today going for you?