Well…. I just woke up, so I’m totally crushing it so far 
3.22 days so far!! 
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Haha yay 
sounds like today has started off positive which is always a plus!
And since I live in the future I can tell you that today you are going to shine and be awesome 
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I love you
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Awwwww guess a few posts are missing. I know I responded to both you ladies @Becsta and @Its_me_Stella. I guess I’ll go read Robin’s full message lol.
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Oh man yes my comment has disappeared 
Whole Ass Novel Below
Hey y’all. A little stressed out about the whole Shady McShaderfuck thing. I understand that I am overreacting a bit, therapist said it’s to be expected with what I’ve been through. However, it’s better than the alternative of getting wrapped up in something very unhealthy.
I had a meeting with his partner and a mutual client this past Wednesday…… 24 hour rule, and then sent the following text.
Me [3:01 pm]
I hope your trip is going well. I had the pleasure of touring your new office space with Randy yesterday, and it looks lovely. He mentioned how you and your wife did all the decorating, looks fantastic! You both have impeccable taste. I’ve not really heard back from you after our last conversation regarding our friendship. I originally thought it may have been because you received some bad news from the doctor. Therefore, I did not take it personally, but instead chose to let you know that I was there for you.
However, as I’m sure you can imagine, I’m now left to wonder if your lack of response is due to my unwillingness to engage in the type of “friendship” you were proposing?
What you do in your private time is your business and none of mine. However, speaking of business, here is where I do have some concern. I have invested a substantial amount of time into this development project so far. I have also engaged one of the top Architectural and Design firms in the area to assist. Stephen has even agreed to provide a project rendering at no cost.
Look, hopefully you know me well enough by now to know that all the personal stuff does not matter much to me. No harm, no foul. However, I do need to know if I can trust you as far as business is concerned. Honesty and integrity are very important to me. I need to know, Pino, does this project exist?
Shady McShaderfuck [3:35 pm]
Beth, I don’t have a wife, since I’ve been happily divorced for almost a decade now. Randy knows that very well, so I’m assuming that you misunderstood. She came to town to see the kids; went back to Italy, and yes she had her input… by offering 3 paintings she made to decorate the many walls of the née office. The rest it was all me… it was done in a rush and I’m reasonably happy with the result. By the way, it is far from finished. I will give you a proper tour when it will be.
Beth, your entire message is quite confusing to me.
1) I’ve never proposed nor suggested that you and engage in any type of “friendship”. I’ve been very honest and clear in letting you know that I’m not ready nor willing to enter in any type of relationship. We are friends! We don’t need to decide on that I hope. As two experience adults, we have flirted and kissed in two occasions. It was very nice for the both of us, as we’ve both confirmed. If it wasn’t so, there would’ve been. O second time. However, it will not happen again, and that is best.
2) I’m not sure why you even hint to me not being serious or reliable (I hope that my honesty is not in question). I’m often blunt and always serious about both my work… and life.
I have a group of investors from Europe, that I want to sell the big project that I shared with you. I gave you pole position (Formula 1 term to explain that you will have the first shot at it, and priority to an extent). They will never sign an exclusivity contract with any firm; why should they. They will come in September to meet the team; and you are part of it.
Now, if we can’t find the land that they want, they will necessarily go with the best offer. I’m confident that we will, and I will help you!!
I need to go back to Italy end of august to present a conceptual design and some data; besides our team. I’m doing everything in my power to favor our team, but ultimately is their money and their decision to use our team in its entirety. Do I think that is worth our time? Yes I do. Can I be fully in control of their decisions? Clearly not! They are sophisticated and capable; ethical but they will do what it is best for them. I know in my heart that if we show our professionalism and commitment to helping them, they will work with us. But between now and then there is a lot to prove on our part. Time is part of what we do… I never look at it as an investment for the client (because I’m not in control of anyone actions); I look at it as education, research and the necessary legwork to close deals: some do close and other don’t. This is a bold pitching effort on my part. There are legs and bones to this idea. I know that I can get them excited, but we are just beginning.
If you don’t feel comfortable with this scenario (one that I had clearly explained to you), you are free to walk away from it, and don’t hold any grudges; or is a business decision. I will now use Stephen or KK in that case, to show you how ethical I’m. I don’t think that I can be more clear than that.
I’m very private and protective of my personal life and time. You may have realized that by now. I will make one exception with you this time, to hopefully eliminate any doubt. I’ve been dealing for over a year now with a stage 3 melanoma. I’ve had already four surgeries. Yesterday I had my 5th. I never made it to Florida. It was a diversion as I don’t like to share my health or any other struggle. That is my time to rise to the occasion, and I do… and I will this time as well.
I truly appreciate your heart and your preoccupation with me. I worry and concern myself with you as well. That is what friends do! So, that hopefully explains my silence of the last few days.
I should be back on my feet in a week (more or less). I will make sure to respond to your emails; and eventually call you ASAP.
Much love and blessings to you. 
Shady McShaderfuck [5:59 pm]
Lots of misspelling in my message to you. Sorry, I can only be head down since my surgery was in the back. I meant to say: I will NOT use KK and/or Stephen if you are not on board with the scenario that I’ve told you about. I’m ethical, they are your connection not mine. I don’t use people to get to my goals; I’m capable to do it on my own. You are too important to me as a friend and I won’t allow any business to come between us. I care for you.
Let’s reconnect as soon as I’ll be back on my feet. Send prayers and positive energy my way. I need it. 
————————————————————
I never wrote back. 24 hours later I regurgitated the following into a draft. I will not send it. I honestly don’t know what to say to him at this point. It’s all bullshit and gaslighting. I’m going to bullet list his bullshit after my horrifically brutal response that will never be sent. It’s not worth it.
My Response That Will Never Be Sent
I am very sorry about your health. I already knew, and I tried to be there for you. I even said, “I know you’re a big strong man, but I still worry” and it’s also why I sent the text stating I wanted to be there for you. You want to keep it to yourself, do you. Let’s not forget we discussed it at length.
Now, I most certainly did not misunderstand Randy, I heard him perfectly clear. We are not going to do the women are crazy thing, not with me anyway. Perhaps Randy is the one that made the error when he spoke. Here is where the dishonesty comes in, Pino. You told me that your ex lives in Italy, multiple times. You said that she was not meant to be a mother and elaborated on the subject. If you deny that you said these things or try to make it out like I misunderstood that too, I can guarantee I’ll walk away from our professional relationship as well. I don’t need you or any other human to carry me. I also looked like an ass talking about you being in Florida to Randy. He looked thoroughly confused, so thanks for that.
You said some unkind things to me a few weeks ago and I vividly recall a particular statement that was particularly insensitive. However, when I confronted you with it, you told me I misunderstood and that you never said it. You absolutely, 100% did. Gaslight all you want, been there, done that, and I don’t fall for it anymore and never will again. The most harsh phrase came after I said, “well, what about you? How do I know you’ll be able to handle a friendship if things go south, because I can guarantee you’ll fall for me”. You said that you could “absolutely, without doubt, guarantee that you would never fall for me”. Ouch. Newsflash, you’d be the first. Whatever, it stung. When you denied saying it, amongst other things that day, that is when I lost trust.
I really need you to stop making it out like I want some kind of relationship from you, it’s absolutely infuriating. When I said “friendship” I mean the friends with benefits situation. Just because I’m not interested in that arrangement, it does not make me some pathetic person trying to get into a relationship with you. So please stop saying you are repeating yourself and making yourself clear. I don’t understand why you keep saying it other than some weird and cruel manipulation? I need you to actually LISTEN TO THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF MY MOUTH FOR ONCE. Because I am the one that has actually had to repeat myself over and over again. What I said was, if I ever decide to be intimate with ANYONE again, it’s going to be someone I’m in a relationship with. That’s not you and it’s never going to be. So, for the love of the sweet baby Jesus, stop it. I have never, nor will I ever, beg ANY man to love me or be in a relationship with me. Ever. Seriously, I’m going to lose my shit over this one thing. If I have to be cruel and unkind to make it clear how much I would never consider being in a relationship with you, then I will. However, I would rather not intentionally hurt someone just to get a point across. I just need you to listen Pino. For crying out loud, listen to me and hear what I’m saying. I lost interest in it when you couldn’t stop groping me after I asked your several times the first time we spent time together. I was extremely uncomfortable.
I will not allow you to turn my unwillingness to be a friends with benefits into to me begging for a relationship. Can someone just simply not be interested in that? Get over yourself. I don’t know what more I have to say so that you believe me here. Again, If I have to walk away from our business relationship, I don’t care at this point. I honestly don’t. You lied to me Pino. Therefore, I don’t know what’s a lie or real anymore. I can’t trust you. You know my background and some of what I’ve been through, yet you made the choice to behave the way you have. I also know a lot more than you may think I do. I’m incredibly smart and resourceful. Please don’t lie to me anymore.
Let’s dissect:
- He says it won’t happen again and that’s for the best. That’s right mother fucker. BECAUSE I CUT IT OFF WEEKS AGO! Fuck.
- He doesn’t know why I would not trust him in business. The above is filled with back peddling and more lies. Not to mention his ex wife lives in Miami and not Italy. She has his home listed as one of her residences. She opened a business in NC using his address. She worked in Italy in 2016. She’s registered to vote in Broward county Fl. Her fucking condo was purchased a few years ago for $1.2M. Let’s not forget that I have a Google degree in FBI surveillance I also use multiple background check services for work. So come at me bro. Piece of lying shit. He is indeed divorced, but he has nothing nice to say about her and said she’s not involved with her kids at all, yet wait??? Didn’t he say she was just here visiting from Italy to visit the kids? Well, she’s safely tucked back at home in her bougie FL condo.
- Italian Investors: Where he said he made the circumstances clear. LIE. If that were the case, why would he feel the need to mention it? I never questioned any of it. Just whether or not they even existed.
- If he punishes KK and Stephen if I decide to walk, that’s not ethical, it’s fucked up and unfair to them.
- Very private about his personal life my ass. I knew all about every single step of his cancer. His bloodwork appointments, tests afterwards, and for fuck’s sake, even how his kid got herpes from the very first girl he slept with. Dude over shares, but wants to manipulate again. Fuck if I know.
- He says things and then denies them on a regular basis and I can’t stand it.
- Never once have I told him I want to be in a relationship with him. Seriously, why the fuck does he keep saying he’s been completely open and honest? Cool story bro. Tell someone who gives a shit. It ain’t me.
I think that’s all I have the energy for. I’m annoyed and disgusted. I don’t know what to do about this development deal. I honestly just want to walk away. I don’t trust him.
There is nothing to say to him. It would just turn into a back and forth if gaslighting and manipulation. My therapist thinks there is some level of obsession on his side. I still need to think about it and remove any emotion. If this opportunity is in fact legitimate, I’m all about it. I just need to determine whether or not it is. The investors are apparently famous actors from Italy. So how on earth does that equate to sophisticated investors??? Are you serious??? Actors??? Morons that get paid to pretend to be something else and think their stupid fucking opinions actually mean something??? I told him that it might be an issue for me. I’m an honest person, and I don’t like working with athletes or actors. 99% of the time they are unrealistic and just ridiculous. I work with businesses.
Well, clearly I’m still very annoyed. So much more time will be needed before I make any decision on this at all.
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Phew that’s a novel alright lovely! I may need to reread and process it all before responding 
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Took me forever. I’m still so annoyed. Gotta let it all marinate.
Thank you. I need to remember all this too before I pick up a drink.
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Absolutely! Great reminders of why it’s so awesome being sober. We never have to feel that way again!! 
I read it through, and I don’t have much to say because I feel like you are on the money. You have it all under control, I love that you are getting everything off your chest here and then just doing what is best for your business. Being able to seperate your emotional and your business relationships is a powerful tool. I think that you will handle this with grace. So, what will you respond with then? Do we get to read that too?
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He is playing both sides of the coin so he doesn’t lose.
If he gets the “friendship” he wins! Playing dumb makes him feel like he didn’t lose.
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Girl, I’m not sure I will. He has an email from me to respond to when he’s feeling better so I just might respond to that and ignore any personal conversation. I still need to let it marinate a bit. But you can bet I’ll post! He gives this thread some spice 
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Agreed!
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Happy Father’s Day to all the wonderful fathers out there!!!
I just posted on my Dad’s Facebook page 
It’s very difficult for me to be fake, so I just did some glittery gif. I just can’t gush to a man that doesn’t really like me. I love him a lot, he’s my dad. I’m just disappointed that we don’t have a relationship, but he’s so close to my sister. I e been so invisible my whole life. Not just with family, but everywhere. I’m not going to lie, I don’t hate it out in the wild
Anyway, I did the right thing. He seemed to appreciate. Go a nice “Thank you very much. Love ya.”
Yup, love ya Whatever. Better than nothing. I did my part. I’m very grateful for my father for sure. Now I need to work on jealousy issues with my sissy poo.
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Read your 50 shades of grey story,
I will say from the pics you posted before you are actually attractive, so I can see his point.
However a lesson I learned along time ago and I need to remember in my new job,
“Don’t dip your pen in the company ink”
I am super guilty of this,
I also went on a few dates with a super sweet girl here but she wants a FWB and I’m reasonably suspicious she’s attached, in some sorts I won’t be that guy. I’ve been on the receiving end of it
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Well…… technically we don’t work together. He’s the CEO of his company and I’m CEO and President of mine. This would be a mutual project. I just see a lot of smoke, mirrors and backpedaling going on. I’ve also known his partner for 15 years and we have worked with each other for the entire time. We refer each other all the time. I think his partner would be disgusted is he knew how this guy was behaving. This is a company they started together maybe 4-5 years ago or so. I worked with his partner at the other company he sold to his employees as well.
I’m still just letting it all marinate. I’ve never had a problem separating work from literally anything. We shall see how Shady McShaderfuck holds up.
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So, seems like I’m doing ok with my eating disorder. I’ll get excited when I hit six months.
I’m 389.98 days sober, and 10.10 days ED free.
I’ve been feeling a bit better and more energetic, so I have picked up my workouts a bit. It keeps me busy and I enjoy it.
I’m really digging this sober stuff. I’m in the best shape of my life at 50, go figure.
For anyone who thinks they’re missing out on something by being a non-drinker, I’m here to say it’s the exact opposite. You get the chance to really be alive. Love to all
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But how are your erections?
Powerful?
Stay strong.
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They are great thanks to the derailment thread
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