Wow! That was perfect timing.
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Sorry, I haven’t read all the thread all the way back. About the current problem, it sounds like your daughter is testing the waters with what she can and cannot get away with. I agree that boundaries need to be lovingly enforced (like you are already doing). I think time and increasing maturity will help her realise you were right.
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Well… if she’s anything like her dad, which she definitely is, I might be waiting a very, very long time. He’s going on 20 years not talking to his father. Same reasoning, his Dad had the nerve to try to hold him accountable 
I can always hope, but I’m not having a good feeling about it.
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But ur daughter has had the benefit of u in her life until now. Ur ex had a totally different childhood.
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Awwwww, you made me smile 
Thank you!
Topic of the day: War Stories
Now this is my own story, I’m not bashing or judging, I’m simply explaining what is counterproductive for me. I realize war stories may help some. It’s a large part of a very popular and successful recovery community, and in no way do I want this to sound like I’m knocking a program that has saved so many lives. It just didn’t save mine, and before the judgy judging kicks in, I worked the program very hard over the years. I had sponsors and sponsees, I chaired meetings and made coffee, came early and left late, I was the jackass that put origami dollars in the basket, went everyday and made great friends, worked my steps with numerous sponsors. My first rehab (9 month humiliation based treatment center, I didn’t hate it 
) and my first meeting was in 1987. I’ve attended in NY, FL, and NC. FL was by far my favorite bunch of people and I loved it.
So why do I mention war stories? I realized time and again the same thing was happening, I was either getting filled with rage listening to the same war stories every single day from the same people. Or, I would compare myself and think that no way am I an alcoholic, because I’ve never done any of that shit. Until I did. There is a huge culture of “If I go back out, I will die” this is a huge trigger for me. I feel like there is too much focus on the past and negativity and not enough focus on present and future. That’s not a place I want to live.
Now, on the other hand, I see how this can be helpful as well, and obviously it is. However, some people battle with certain trauma and mental illness which makes this program counterproductive. It’s irresponsible to blame someone for saying it isn’t for them just because it worked for you. I have mad respect for the success with that program, but find it reprehensible to be chastised for saying it didn’t work for me. As soon as these words are spoken you get berated that you didn’t work the program correctly. It’s so irresponsible and hurtful to people who are doing what they need to do to get sober.
I’m treating my addiction to alcohol and mental illness with therapy and medication. FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM TRULY HAPPY. Sobriety is not a one size fits all, and if I don’t do it your way, I should not be condescended to, or told there is something wrong with me snd that I didn’t do it right.
There is a sober dude on TikTok that I like quite a bit. However, the other day he posted pics with his yellow eyes and all that. I had to take myself out of me. Would this scare someone straight? Not me. It would make me feel like I had a whole lot of drinking left in me. But I’m not a one size fits all. So maybe it does scare people enough to quit. I don’t know.
So, long story longer, I keep my story as vague as possible because I wish that when I first tried to stop drinking at 16 it stuck. But nope, I didn’t have a problem because I wasn’t like these people. BUT I WAS. I just couldn’t see it yet because I was comparing myself. Should I have been? I’m sure everyone would say no, but with my mental illness and insecurities, it was literally impossible not to. Had I just realized the fact that from the very first time alcohol touched my lips I couldn’t stop once I started, I could have saved a lot of miserable years. But I’m me and I like to learn the hard way
That’s just my $0.02. It’s been weighing heavily on me. So I protect my self from things that are counterproductive for ME, and surround myself with what works for ME. We should never have to defend our sobriety just because it’s not somebody else’s way.
Do I have room to talk with less than a year under my belt? A lot of folks would say no. I say absofuckinglutely! No one knows me the way I do. I’ve never felt the way I do now.
I’m so bad at expressing what I want to say, so I hope it came out ok. 
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I heard something from a bit of an old timer that stuck with me,
It’s everyone’s right and importance to share, you can learn something from everyone, whether they are on day 1 or day 1 million, each of us has our own battle, we all ended up at the same spot, in this room.
So don’t hold yourself to a year , share now you can change others and save their lives.
I enjoy your journey, It gave me the courage to share mine
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It sounds like u really gave meetings a shot. I do one a week (online) it really helps ground me. But I do hear ur point about how they can become war stories comparison meetings. Especially if u go to the same home group u probably hear the same ones over and over. A couple of weeks ago a meeting became a “who has pissed themselves” pageant. I am so happy that u have found something that works for u. Keep working ur program.
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Plus the ones here are past my bedtime 
I definitely don’t hate them and love them in small doses.
I still like to go once and a while, see friends speak and celebrate anniversaries
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I’m allowing myself a “sick” day today. I’m under the weather and just feeling funky, like drugged up or something. I have a lot of studying and homework to do. I also have a webinar in an hour. Thanks to technology, I can do it all from the comfort of my bed. It drives me crazy to sit still, but I’m hearing my body loud and clear.
It’s crazy, because my guilt comes from my bullshit stories I would make up while drinking. I had every excuse in the book why I couldn’t work or have to reschedule meetings. So naturally, taking a day off makes me feel guilty and not what it actually is, self care.
I’m so grateful for my sobriety. The things that are happening in my life, both good and bad are proof of how much better my life is sober. Today the thought of drinking repulses me. However, I’m fully aware that could change five minutes from now. Keeping it real over here and keeping my toolbox filled.
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This was me too! I know that guilt feeling all too well and still feel it when I take a legitimate day off. I wonder if it ever goes away. lol
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Girl, I don’t know It’s hitting me hard today and I’m legit miserable. I didn’t even tell the guys I’m sick, I’m playing the work from home angle today. It’s crazy how guilty I feel. I hope it goes away. Maybe it’s our generation too. We were raised to work unless you’re dead lol.
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Oh girl, you need some self care. Try to relax if you can and feel better. It’s definitely our generation, always working.
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So here I am, my first day after finding out that I indeed have dementia. Of course, deep down, I already knew. It’s still a punch in the gut. I know how my brain used to work, and how it works now. It’s frustrating, embarrassing, and sometimes makes me really sad.
Anyway, thank god I’m sober. My drinking certainly was not good for it. I’m also way more capable of handling the news. If I continued to drink, I would definitely worsen my condition.
I plan to figure out how to live with it sans resentment and anger. I will learn to nurture it, choose some crazy brain food diet, and equip myself with tools to help me through. My biggest dilemma is what to say when I get caught in one of those embarrassing moments. I see how people look at me, I see the worry and concern. Or, if it’s a stranger, I come across dumb, uncaring, or ditzy. I want to blurt out that I have memory issues and I’m not dumb, I DO care.
I will give this public service announcement. Please don’t try to make people feel better by saying I forget things too, it’s no big deal. That’s my biggest pet peeve. IT’S NOT THE SAME! It’s dismissive and condescending. I know that people are trying to help when they say that, but all I hear is that you’re being dramatic and a hypochondriac. Spend a day in my head, then you’ll understand. So please don’t belittle people with this. I know who I used to be and I know who I am now. I shouldn’t have to defend it and prove it’s different. And honestly, because of the memory issues, half the time I can’t even come up with an example 
So I started keeping a list, literally just to defend myself. So stupid that I feel the need to do this.
One thing that was pointed out to me recently was that just because my cognition was failing me, it didn’t strip me of my intelligence. I’ll be ok. Weird having dementia at a young age, but whateves. Can’t go back in time.
Long way to say, thank God I’m sober!!
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This statement is spot on!! You are one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever known. I don’t know anyone else that can strive as a business owner during a fucking pandemic while recovering from alcohol. You’re truly amazing!! Love you girl!
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I swear I’m in the same boat, Beth. I literally just said today to someone, “I’m not stupid, I just don’t have my memory anymore!” But I’m seriously worried that I’m declining or something.
You are an amazing woman with or without it! Hugs sweetie.
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@Lisa07 @anon79808082 @CapriciousCapricorn
Love you ladies so much. I could never make it through this crap without you 
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Calling it a day early tonight. That lack of sleep last night has this old bat ready to hit the hay.
God, I have to say how happy I was to wake up sober. Even though I was exhausted, I had a vivid recollection of what it was like to wake up exhausted and still half drunk. Good lord, how on earth did I live that way? Why did I talk myself into drinking again over and over? For fuck’s sake man.
I am ashamed to admit that I sent my ex a little Valentine’s Day meme. I had saved it a few weeks back because it had his name in it. It was cute, but guaranteed the dumbass didn’t understand it. The man is the reason I have dementia, yet I still worry about him. He was suicidal over the holidays. I was being kind to him because I am the only one he’s honest about his feelings with. However, when I take time out of my day to send you a cute video or cheer up message, and you ignore me for a couple of days in a row? Canceled! I cannot continue to put his welfare above my own.
Then in a month he’ll send me some boo hoo sad love YouTube video. I literally do this with him to help, I honestly don’t want to anymore. It makes me feel mean and like a bad person. However, my energy is best spent on those who will appreciate me and return my kindness. Not intentionally try to make me feel unworthy.
The good news is that he no longer has that power over me. He had someone pulling for him, and he blew it. I can’t hold myself responsible if he takes his own life. So y’all, if that happens, I’m going to need major support because I will 100% blame myself.
Anyway, I deleted our conversation and deleted him from my phone. I don’t know his number because every time we broke up the immature dickhead would get a new number. That’s what I het marrying someone 20 years younger. I won’t respond if he contacts me either. God I sound mean, but I’m so over it. I have nothing left for this dude.
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Stay powerful, Beth.
You’re incredible.
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Thank you 
… And right back at you!
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