I have been on the destructive path of Heroin addiction for the past 5 years at least and opiates since 2010. Before that it was Xanax/Cocaine for a little while but back then before I fell madly in love and began this love hate relationship with a Boy I like to call My Hero, I was still functioning very well at least I thought. I still had custody of my kids, (just a 3yr old son @ the time) was working and had just began a awesome relationship with a guy who actually showed his love and compassion for me and wanted to give me the world and more if he possibly could. I didn’t understand that kind of love though I was used to destruction, madness/chaos, physical/emotional abuse and really feeling alone in my previous relationships. Long story short the more that I started to see my life for what it was past and present, and the more I started actually allowing myself to understand and feel emotions and painful memories that I had shut up inside of me because I didn’t know how to express how I felt nor was I ever really allowed to being brought up and raised by mom, the more I fell in love with this breathtaking phenomenal Boy I call Hero. He was ALWAYS there for me no matter what. No matter where/when how I want or need him he always comes to me and wraps me up in his arms, holds and squeezes me as tight as he can, and reminds me he will always be my number one no matter who or what I may feel is more important… Since 2012 that’s what I’ve felt… Until having my 3rd child last year and watching my life continue to spiral out of control with my number one love Hero hot on my heels. My point in all this is to say this love/obsession, the happiness and excitement I felt it was bringing to my life was all an illusion. Heroin has turned my whole existence upside down. Everything I have ever loved or anything that has been special to me has been ripped away or found a way to get as far away from me as possible. Heroin has turned me into a person I never knew exists inside of ME. I don’t know who I am anymore. I am ready to find myself again.The real me #daughter #sister #aunt #mother #lovinggirlfriend #bestie I could go on. Sorry this is so long just wanted to vent and express my want and need to get clean and stay clean. Pkease keep me in your thoughts and for all that pray, your prayers… I’m just a BeautifullyBrokenDisaster who needs a lot of mending. Thanks for listening.
I love the way that you wrote your story. And you’re here so you’ve already taken some major first steps in putting the pieces back together.
I’ve been getting really into quantum physics and neuroplasticity lately. Learning about all of this helps me feel connected to the process and to know that tangible results are achievable. Through this, I’m learning that I’m NOT broken as I’ve been known to say as well. I’m just currently wired wrong. But the best part is that we can repair ourselves, we have all the parts we need, we just have to grab the tools and get to work.
Thinking about you and relating to the Mama love we have for our babies. It’s a very powerful thing and can motivate us to move mountains.
Excellent writing @BeauTfulDisaster. Welcome to this incredible forum full of wonderful people fighting their own battles each day. You can do this…you deserve peace, love, and freedom from the obsession.
Yes @MrsJones you are so right especially about moving mountains for the babies. I have done so much wrong obviously I can see that myself. To them though I’m just mommy. Mommy who is getting things better. I honestly just want to curl up in bed with my 12yr old & his 11mth old brother and just hold them in my arms while the 
stays still. Amen…
Thank you very much. I look forward to continuing my journey with a community/network of fellow addicts going through the same struggles as myself.
Thank you very much.