Title. I’m currently 21 days clean and it’s the longest I’ve ever reached. I guess I should feel happy about that, but I can feel the urges, that need growing to the point that I’m sure relapse isn’t far off now.
Normally I’d just give in, but I’m moving away to university in a week. Literally and metaphorically I cannot afford a relapse now. I know I’ll go back to doing it daily, and I really don’t want to start a new uni and a new life on the back of a recent relapse. But nothing is distracting me any more. I listen to music, behind the songs I can still hear that voice. I go for a walk, it’s all I can hear. I read or watch YouTube or play games but nothing silences it. “You want it. You need it. A little won’t hurt.” And worst of all, “You deserve the addiction. You deserve the pain.”
It’s now 5am. I’ve been awake for a few hours now and all I want is to relapse. Probably doesn’t help that I can’t sleep lately, but I’m not sure if that’s a cause or an effect of the urges.
Well before you go out and score try staying here and chatting. I’m thinking your in England with you saying it’s five am.
What university are you going to and what are you going to be studying.
What’s your drug of choice. Have you ever tried going to a NA meeting, they have helped me immensely.
Don’t do it!!! I literally sat down at family’s and noticed a meth bowl right in front of me. It took every inch and spirit of me not to… I said fuck it im gonna do it, but signs was being g thrown left and right and my anxiety WAS SO HIGH and I thought… well if I get high the feeling will go away…the anxiety will go away…nope only marked I took those signs and didn’t do it. I’m relieved and what was on 30 minutes felt like 1 year. But I made it through it and it feels great. Take it day by day. Second by second. Minute by minute. I’m going on my 3rd day clean. That’s it but I’m gonna make it
If drugs are in your face like that then you should seriously consider going to some NA meetings. You will not always have that strength at that particular moment in time and it’s like playing Russian roulette so adding every resource to your fight can only help and it is a fight every single day but it’s a fight that you can win.
I agree, its contributed to a lot of my relapsing but at the end of the day I feel like I can’t blame anyone for my actions but myself, like almost like saying sorry too much becomes meaningless…but at the same time I should be respected by my friends and peers of my recovery but they have there living their lives I can’t control. I definitely like NA meetings but I like my home group with CA, so i been thinking about going back to those as well as working my ass off so i can hurry and change my enviroment and get my own place so i don’t have to worry bout that being in my face, but thats in my opinion…I don’t know, I’m just gonna make the best of what I got i guess. Thanks for the support though it’s highly appreciated
Oh we absolutely can’t blame our drug use on others, these people are living in active addiction so don’t look at them having drugs in front of you as disrespectful. Getting your own sage, clean living environment will be a very positive step. Good luck
Hey mate, I am in the UK, yeah. Sorry I didn’t reply last night. I don’t want to say which uni I’m going to, but I’m going to be studying Physics, something I’ve always enjoyed. I’m hoping the freedom that uni gives me will help with beating this addiction as well.
My “drug” of choice is self-harm. I’ve bounced between addictions over the years but the one constant, the one I always end up coming back to, is this one. I got addicted to the high of adrenaline/dopamine that’s produced, addicted to the (temporary) feeling of control it gave me. Still a drug addiction in a way I guess, except the drugs are produced in my head when I self-harm, instead of being ingested or smoked or injected. Been addicted for about 7 years now, covered in scars, had hospital visits and stays in mental hospitals for it, had relationships ruined by it. I’m done.
