My story starts back when I was 15 yrs old. I drank in a basement with my brothers friends for the first time. It only took a few hours to say "Damn I feel great"
At that time I didn’t know what I had just started. I grew up surrounded by alcoholism and addiction. My dad, uncles, aunts, moms boyfriend, brother. I always said "I’m never going to grow up and drink"
So for 5 yrs I drank pretty heavy or at least what I thought was heavy. My fiance became pregnant, excitement took over. 6 months in she tells me shes been cheating. Without second thought I was hammered so i didnt have to feel. I proceeded to drink very heavily for the next 11 yrs, daily. I didn’t drink to get drunk. I drank to hide. Hide from all the pain of abuse from childhood, to avoid the PTSD. I didn’t deserve anything positive in my eyes. I had just turned into everything I didn’t want to be. I used people, took advantage of them and avoided my children all so i could get drunk and avoid feeling. Self blame is one of the hardest things to deal with in my opinion. On 2/19/14 I had been on a two wk binge. Everyday, morning to night. I just lost all hope and faith. It was do or die time. I’m in a.corner and I didn’t know what to do. For once in my life I put aside everything else. I had been a selfish alcoholic for years, but now it was time to be selfish in a positive way. I was very lucky to be put in the hospital where I was, the staff was so supportive, so nice and understanding. For once I was told that “it’s not your fault Rob”. WHAT?!?! ITS NOT MY FAULT!? I had never heard that before. “We are here for you, when you are ready” that was the statement that opened a new door for me. It wasn’t forced down my throat, I was told there was an outlet and it was up to me. I finally took advantage of it. I wouldn’t stand here still sober today without the hospital staff, and without people like all of you. We relate, we talk, we share, and we help eachother heal. And from the bottom of my heart, having people I don’t even know support me, means so much to me. God Bless You all.
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