I am completely stuck and at lost. My wife left 6 months ago after I got honest about relapsing. She decided to give our marriage another go but shared that she will not move back, and that I would have to move to her. Logistically this was impossible, as I have 2 sons to a previous and they share settled. I also have a family business and it is going through a big transformation. So it was agreed reluctantly that we soldier through this situation and work on self.
Today I am having to contemplate ending my marriage.
My wife has struggled with Mental Health which professionals have relabelled her 4 times over 8 yrs.
Her bipolar currently has progressed since she left and now her insecurities and paranoia are at full steam. This time apart has impacted her immensely where as for me I have only grown. We are sustaining a long distant relationship and this sucks but it has helped me to focus on my and my recovery. I feel that I’ve done to much damage and because she is unwell, she is unable to make the right decisions for herself. So hence, I may need to call our marriage off? I feel her holding onto me is making her worse… and I can’t bare to see her deteriorate. I thought I would lose her due to my lie and breaking trust, but now I feel everyone will lose her to mental health if something big isn’t decided. Im a mess!
When I see her like this I become emotional and see her fading away. The woman I loved is trapped in there and slowing losing herself. We love each other no questions asked… but now I think she needs me most which requires me to end her misery, by exiting her life.
I’m praying to my higher power for guidance everyday… I see that I am struggling to find relief from this. Can’t stop blaming myself!