Haven’t physically drank yet but

I’ve already relapsed in my head. I know I’m an alcoholic and I know I would most likely destroy my life if I pick up a drink again. I stayed sober through so much this year, but I just don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t know what else to say. I moved to a new city, have a few friends, and i spend most of my time at a job I hate, or alone with my dogs. Don’t get me wrong, I spend time doing things I enjoy, too, but I also don’t want to be sober anymore and I’m having a hard time finding the motivation to do anything other than go pick up. I’m just scared if I drink, I won’t stop there. I don’t want to go do heroin, but I also know that if I pick up a drink, there’s nothing stopping me from getting heroin too. I have bought heroin in sobriety and by the grace of god I didn’t get loaded, went to a meeting, and stayed sober. But I just don’t want to do it anymore. I would have 3 years in less than 2 weeks, but I also don’t know if I can claim that since I took prescribed pills a little more than prescribed earlier in April. I’ve talked to a sponsor about it and I just don’t know.

I’m just venting. Trying to find one good reason to not do what I’ve already done in my head.

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You already named more than a few reasons not to. However bad it feels today, sounds like it was much worse before.

Why not hit a meeting or just turn in early and see how it looks tomorrow?

I for one know I’ve got another drink in me, but I’m not sure I have another recovery… And three years ain’t nothing!

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Don’t do it. Take it from someone who is back at Day One, soon to be Two, that 3 years is what dreams are made of, it’s surely worth holding on for, for another two weeks, and getting to some meetings to talk about what’s going on for you right now. I went to my 2nd NA meeting today, and it completely turned my day around, I also did an online NA meeting tonight too, these have both definitely helped prevent me from using tonight. I need to keep reminding myself not to think too far ahead, and stay focused on the ‘Just For Today’, the meetings remind me of that, so I’m going to keep going :muscle:t2::pray:t2:

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How you doing today, @Reese?

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I’m still really struggling. Made an appointment to see a mental health doctor. I can’t live like this anymore and I need to do something. But I haven’t drank yet, and I’m just trying to make it through the day. I logically know that drinking isn’t going to get rid of my issues, just add to them. So I’m just tryna make it through today.

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Oof. Sorry it’s going so rough, and mad respect for hanging in there for the next right thing. We’re all here if ya need to get it out in the meantime!

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“I struggle with a few different things. Alcohol is the big one.”
Yes you need to do something. You know drinking isn’t that something to do. Totally the opposite. Good you made an appointment with a professional. You ARE doing something. Something positive. Good. Hang with us. It helps too. All small bits together help a lot. Happy you are here and happy you are taking positive steps Dani. Hang in there plz and don’t drink or do any other substance. Hugs.

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Hi I’m so pleased your getting help and not picked up yet … I was a drinker I went on to heroin I thought by dabbling I’d be ok… I’m a addict so I’ll never be ok … I got hooked and I truly believe if i didn’t find recovery id be dead today . Please I beg u not to give up . This disease of addiction wants us dead . We need to keep fighting every day of our lifes no matter what nothing is as bad as being out there x

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How is this… Drank with family the night before a holiday earlier this year with the whole family staying together on one house. I woke up early the next morning feeling like shit so decided to rebound with a heavy pour of vodka and orange juice while I prepped breakfast for everyone. I recall very little after sipping fast and heavy. I passed out in front of everyone the morning of a holiday. My adult kids were also witnesses. Not realizing I had been heavily drinking, my family thought maybe I had a stroke. They called 911 and a med flight helicopter came to the property. I woke up in the ER having no idea what happened. Not cool. DON’T GIVE UP ON YOUR SOBRIETY! I certainly did not foresee what would happen that day. So much regret… If you pick it back up you can’t predict how bad it could be. Why risk it. I don’t speak of that incident. I am sharing here now for the first time hopefully as a reminder to you that drinking sucks! THOUSANDS of dollars later and never-ending regret, I am sober. It didn’t happen right away and it has only been just over a month. I last drank in October at which point I broke a bone in my back from a drunken fall. More money and humiliation again. I came very close to being in a wheelchair. Please try to learn from me and the others on this site. IT SUCKS TO FEEL OUT OF CONTROL! I wish you happiness. Please give it serious thought before taking a drink.

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I can agree with eke 100%

We all have that last run inside us

Try to remember one of the my favorite of the 12 steps. Step 1

Its hard i kno

Something kinda tells me that eke knows quite a bit. Maybe a message for some prvacy is called for.

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c52d9e6d0ef4d3a5179ca9b7dab31df7--eating-disorder-recovery-positive-things

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Thank you! I do have hobbies but I can’t seem to muster up the strength to do much of them. I also have a gnarly case of anorexia that makes it hard for me to workout in a healthy way without going to th extreme. I’ve already lost so much weight that even customers that come into my work have noticed. So I’m trying to find some things I can do with my time and see a professional as soon as I can. I set an appointment for December 6, so I’m just trying to stay sober and keep on trudging until then. It takes such an effort to even get out of bed at this point.

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I love this

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I love that!

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