So my dynmaic with my boss at work has become problematic for me. When i first started there was an employee who has since been fired that we kind of bonded over not liking. Toxic i know. But we were off to a good start with respect and loyalty and generally getting along well.
Well, heres the thing. She drinks. A lot. At work. Fortunately i have another coworker who is also sober and ive had some really awesome support there. I managed to cope with that. However. Ive noticed that she makes me insanely uncomfortable sometimes. Not by like doing or saying inappropriate things necessarily but her presence. She is anxiety inducing and makes me angry sometimes. She pulls out emotions that i havent felt in a long time. I talked with my therapist about it and he pointed out that my experience being around alcoholics have been nothing but negative. I see an alcoholic and I’m put on gaurd because i know how unpreticable and understable they are… both from first hand experience being one and being around several abusive ones throughout my life. He said “no wonder that sparks fear in you… you see the habits unfolding and you know what comes next.”
I like her as a person, generally but a lot of the time i feel like shes only being nice because shes drunk or is hyper sensitive and upset with me also because shes drunk? I really like my job, its a small company so transferring to another team or anything like that isnt an option. Shes personally very very close to the owner and i know from my own experience me saying anything or inserting myself in her personal troubles wont be good for anyone and i dont want to cause problems… I’m making really REALLY good money here finally on the path ive always wanted for myself. Just really struggling with this nagging anxiety after work everyday. Ugh. 
That’s a tough one.
I’m married to an active alcoholic and I go to Al-Anon meetings. It’s save my marriage but more importantly saved my sanity. It sounds like your life has been affected by other people’s drinking in other instances too.
There’s a thread I started
It could be some helpful reading. I don’t know. But in Al-Anon we learn some pretty good tools and slogans to help us cope with lots of situations.
One acronym right off the bat that could come in handy when talking with an alcoholic is WAIT
Why
Am
I
Talking
That’s save my sanity many times when arguing with an alcoholic. Cuz there’s no point in it.
Fortunately for me, my fiance and I decided to stop drinking together. Things had to get very very bad before we got to that point. But it saved our relationship.
But every ex before him was an addict, my parents were addicts and its really impacted me my whole life.
Its hard with this situation because ive only known this woman for a couple months and she could very easily unravel a large chunk of my live if she just decided to fire me one day.
I think your first order of business is changing you. I would find that other employee who got fired and make amends to her. She is probably hurting. You might learn something that will help you within that.
Sounds like a complicated environment to operate in, I would find managing that and sobriety at the same time quite a challenge I think. The one question I do have: were you sober when you first started this job?
I appreciate the sentiment, and would normally agree… but part of the reason she was let go was for following me home after work, leaving both threatening and love letters on my desk and car, drug use at work and then throwing a wrench at me. So in this particular case I do not feel the need to make ammends with her at all. While trauma bonding with my boss over that shared ecperience isnt healthy and needs to be addressed and we need to find a way to form a healthier professional relationship, if that girl is hurting as a result of her actions that is her own burden to bare just as every other addict has to bare theirs and i hope that pain heals into a decision to better her life.
I was 
i started there in June so I was 9, almost 10, months sober at that time. It is very complicated and as you can see in one of my responses above my start to working there and how my boss and i initally started bonding and getting along was not the best and very triggering as well. But my two co workers are amazing. They are actually also both sober, one got sober simply on the basis of physical health and wanting to live longer and the other actually has some sort of alcohol allergy thing so even though its for different reasons there is some sober support there but it frustrates them just as much. I often, even though I’m pretty frustrated myself with my boss, find myself defending her at certain times because i see a lot of the old me in her actions at times and i wonder if maybe she too feels trapped by alcohol and wants out but doesnt know where to start? Idk. Its kind of gotten better. Our owner had a talk with her the other day and it seems shes headed in a healthier direction personally but shes gotten flat out mean at work. Itll be a process but I’m sure I’ll adapt.
I would keep my eyes on my own paper in there. If you have an obsession with wanting to control (change/defend/anything) her I would attend some Alanon meetings and don’t gossip with anyone at or about work. I understand all this as I am an adult child so I have a little bit of everything and at times wanted to defend one parent against the other. It also strokes my ego to think I can be that powerful/play the hero.
I had to learn that loyalty is not a principle, unless it’s loyalty to God/a principle/the truth.
The one thing I can do for people is pray.
I have had to learn so many things through mistakes, don’t beat yourself up. That prevents us from changing.
BTW you are around your boss when she’s drunk? Is she drinking at work?
Yes. The only time im around her at work I dont socialize with my co workers outside of work. She drinks a lot at work. Being that shes close with owner and has been for over a decade he knows and doesnt care either. Its very hard some days.
And i try so hard to mind my own business in general. Im not a gossip person aside from with my family really. But this woman has been pressing me to my limits and sometimes i just snap. Never to her. I generally try to avoid the conversations my coworkers have about it and her but there are times when i feel theyre a little too harsh and will say something to the effect of “you dont know what her story is” because some of the things being said, while she is frustrating and triggering, arent fair or decent things anyone should say about anyone they barely know… but ive had my fair share of “wtf is wrong with her” moments though.
But its a thin line for me. Because i am very much so a people pleaser and im pathetically empathetic and a “fixer” i want to help everyone through everhthing and i am really working on that in therapy. But its a new sensation for me to want to help someone so much but also hate them so much that i wish i never had to see them again lol
Definitely a sticky situation. Who knows, maybe your sobriety will come to light in a way that might be of use/need down the road for someone. Maybe you’re right where you need to be. Seems like you have a good head on and can examine your feelings before reacting. So me personally, I’d focus on my job, my bills, my family, and keep doing that job. Keep work, work. We all know this and yeah can get stuck in other peoples drama. Just keep being your genuine true self. There is purpose in all things. Praying for guidance for you 
Thank you!
Your boss reminds you of you.
That is why she makes you uncomfortable.
She is struggling with her drinking just like you and I did. She doesn’t need people gossiping about and judging her behind her back. Do you think she doesn’t know about this? That it doesn’t hurt her?
Stop engaging in all gossip about her, walk away when others start. Just be the best employee you can be.
Stop engaging in any and all gossip anywhere, period. It is not right, or okay, I don;t care what the rest of society is doing.
We are in recovery now. There has to be change.
We have to be able to cope with our feelings in a different way.
Do you have a sponsor you can take these situations to?
Someone with wisdom?
If not, they are available.
PS Your therapist doesn’t have an answer. he is not a recovered alcoholic.