I will stay clean all week long, and then each week get paid, and like I have a magnet to the drug house, go and blow my paycheck there. I’m getting behind on bills, I’m noticing I’m losing weight, I need to break the cycle, and I’m too afraid and too proud to tell anyone.
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By any chance do you live in Syracuse NY?
If you do I can take you to a meeting. Or meet you at one. I can also help get you into treatment
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Buy a money order and mail your bills out on payday, please try, I know it is hard.
habits are tough to break, My coke dealers where pretty on top of me when they had because they know id spend 400-1000 dollars on coke a week and re-sell it. I wasnt the one giving them a call, they where giving me a call. Thats a pretty loyal dealer, and was pretty tough habit for me to break and its still a tough thing for me. It was tough for a couple weeks when i continued to get calls from them and I answered and just said Im not grabbing any for awhile (not grabbing any forever now, I just said awhile so they could stop bothering me over time and it worked) It also didnt help that my friend works with one of them, but he told him whats going on with me and so he backed off alot which is great, he respects me getting clean.
For your situation I would just delete there numbers. Best friends or not you gotta break that tough point on reaching out to them when youre in need of drugs. You have all the motivation to get in your damn car, start being motivated to not drive to the house.
You can get in your car and drive there, knowing you have a bad habit. Use the thoughts of going there and your getting behind on bills to a priority in your head to stop… I was crying before I went to detox asking, begging god for help, I started to get shitty thoughts going through my head, im sure you do too. I got all the help I needed and then some. I got some real shit said to me and thats what made me get clean.
What would you say when you dont wake up from an OD to your family,friends. Nothing. You dont need to live life like that no more. Get on, and plant a new seed and let it grow. youll be amazed how tall and strong youll standup once you get sober.
Its a mentality issue for you, you have the strength to grab, now get the strength to not. theres so much out there in this world offers to people like us struggling, activities, vacations, go for a run, a walk. Get a dog spend money on the dog instead of drugs. Thats spending money on something that makes you happy and not depressed.
Go out and accomplish things. A vision without movement is just a dream, and we shouldn’t be dreamers.
Go accomplish things, and come here on your payday and read, talk to people. I come here when I have a tough time and it helps, I like helping others too. This helps me with things and I can read others stories as well. Try doing the same. You got this!
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I needed to hear this today: “A vision without movement is just a dream, and we shouldn’t be dreamers.”
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Alright so this was a big one for me so here’s my 2 cents.
I am entirely committed to my sobriety. Payday is nothing more than another trigger. Getting sober dictates that when you have a bad day, you reach out to something other than your DOC when you are triggered. ‘Payday’ is ultimately the same thing - just because you can, doesnt mean you should. Once all your bills and shit are out the way, the money you have left over should be your first building block. Do what you can to forget its there - do not treat yourself, do not buy what you dont need, do not flash the cash, do not loan, do not spend ‘just a little bit’. Download an online banking app and check your balance every day without fail even though you know its the same amount. Itll get you into a mode where as long as you are sober and thinking clearly, you will not want to see your number go down.
Again, its just a trigger. You just gotta flex that sober muscles and if I were you and indeed in Syracuse, id be taking Derek up on his offer.
Just breathe. You got this.