Thanks @Mno this is so true. I fee myself isolating and I start to believe that no one cares and that I have no friends and that’s just NOT true. It’s crazy how much drugs and alcohol can alter our reality
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Going to hit a few tomorrow. You’re right, I’m fortunate to live in a great area for recovery and there are so many I can choose from. Even though there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to get sober, I need to again. I was so much happier and healthier. Drinking brings me nothing and it’s just the insanity of addiction keeping me in this cycle
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You’ve got a great story to tell. People need to hear how hard it is to get back. Your story could save maybe one life. Or more. I’ve never heard how easy it is to come back. Come back while you still can.
If you don’t really want to get sober, do it for Pica and Mobley. I know they know the difference. I’m 
sure my fur babies loved the sober me more.
Speaking of fur babies. Look what we did a few weeks ago.
Andy and Jojo
Do it for the special unconditional love of your fur babies. Cuz I miss seeing them.
What time is your first meeting tomorrow?
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How did your meeting go?
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Hi,
You already have convictions, that’s for sure.
Alcohol consumption profoundly alters the brain’s plasticity. Without hydration and in this state of constant excitement, you remain in this state of deshydratation. You know that of course.
The important truth is that you’re simply exhausted.
Rest. Without alcohol. Every hour. And drink water. Your body needs rest before you can find the motivation to move forward. Baby step.
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Update.. well i just got out of rehab. I did 5 days of detox and 1 week of residential. I was supposed to stay 30 days but I left early.
I feel so much clearer now and I’m grateful that I want to get sober.
Going to update more later but just wanted to hop on here with this little update 
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So glad ur feeling better about things and that u have a clearer mind 
But can I ask why you left early tho? Were you not able to stay?
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Detox and rehab is a great kickstart to a contented sobriety.
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idk what I’m doing. Can’t seem to stay sober anymore. I went 4 years and now I can’t go 4 days. I hope I can find the willingness I once had.
Lesson learned. Don’t go back out. Stay sober if you have some time. There’s nothing good on the other side
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Happy you checked in Pica! Sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way. Getting back on track is hard, but you can definately do it again. You didn’t lose the tools that kept you sober and clean before. 
Time to dust them off a little and remind yourself, how you did it last time. Don’t do it alone. Willingness alone is an essential first step but maybe not enough. I know I needed sober people by my side to remind me, what was at stake by giving in to my cravings. I also needed people who reminded me, what sober life had to offer. I found these people here at Talking Sober.
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You are asking about finding the willingness you had. How does the decision to leave rehab early tie into your willingness? What is it that became more important than finishing out that course of treatment? Are you ready to consider medication help, like Antabuse or Vivitrol? Do you understand that your 4 years was achieved one day at a time?
Those are the kind of questions that I had to face squarely before I was able to fully surrender to the idea of sobriety. And the questions were boiled down into one that a fellow named Dennis M confronted (we have some pretty direct AA tough love around here at times) me with - Are you done yet?
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One thing I learned about myself in rehab is that I don’t know how to give up my own will and never really have. I want to do things my own way, always. Clearly it doesn’t always work for me
I’m also very manipulative. Ending up in rehab was the first time I didn’t get what I wanted. People in my life made me go and it was rough. I’m used to getting my way
When I left rehab early, I had every intention of staying sober. I was going to go to meetings, therapy, etc.
every single day I wake up and say I’m going to be sober. And then every day I drink and do drugs.
Also I feel really bad being so negative on here but hopefully it serves a purpose for someone. I thought I could handle casual drinking, and I’m learning the hard way that I can’t
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Put your mind to rest. I don’t see this as negative, I hear honesty. Keep trying.
Drinking isn’t a casual experience for any of us it’s a step toward annihilation. You are a good reminder that I can’t go back out. I vote you go back to rehab. Give their way a try. Kick and scream the whole way there if you need.
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You are not being negative. You are talking from your own authentic self. Your true self. This is a win. !
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I totally understand the intention to stay sober, the decision to go to meetings and therapy and the manipulation that goes with it. I have a long history of getting in trouble, then going to AA and therapy and on meds to deal with it as long as the trouble lasted. And as a master manipulator myself, I would go to meetings drunk, but it still counted as going to a meeting! I would get my slip signed if I needed to! But when push came to shove, I decided to try to drink the way I wanted to but with no consequences. And I was very unsuccessful with that.
Waking up telling myself I would not drink, or I would at least not get drunk, and then mysteriously “changing my mind” around 2 pm after I had gotten a deli sandwich to stay inside me is a very clear memory for me. I did this every day for years at a time. And every time I drank, that still small voice in me that was so disappointed, so sad because I was drinking, would say “I hope I get away with it this time”.
I don’t know how to prepare someone to be ready to surrender, because I don’t really know how it happened for me. I know what happened, and the timeline of it, but how did I come to the decision on April 7, 2005 that I was done with drinking? I can’t explain it as anything other than a spiritual experience and out-of-body event. I know about the decades of failed attempts that came before it, and being “…humbled by the terrific beating administered by alcohol (that allowed) the grace (…to…) enter and expel (the) obsession” as described in the book 12 Steps and 12 Traditions.
That’s why I asked about your willingness - what are you ready to do that you have not done before to deal with your alcoholism and addiction? Return to rehab? Try medication? Sober living? As with me, you might require external accountability. I had to take action, by showing up at the police station 7 days a week between 6 and 8 AM to give a breath sample. I did that from the time of arrest until my sentencing, over 5 months.
I do hope and pray 
that you do find the answer for yourself, before alcoholism and addiction land you in jail or in the cemetery.
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You’re hitting home with me. I appreciate your honesty.
I hope you find your way back.
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I couldn’t stop drinking until I stopped drinking. I left my first rehab at 14 days despite everyone thinking I needed another 14 days. My counselor even told me that I was going to relapse if left. I did all the right things and said all the right words. I got everyone else to believe that I was done so that I didn’t have to believe it myself. It was not long until I was drunk and high again. I had every intention of staying sober, but no belief that I would. And as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
It took 2 more rehabs until I believed I was not going to drink and drug anymore. By that point no one thought I would stay sober. No more games, no more bullshit, no mote manipulation. It was just me, my HP, and a whole bunch of desperation.
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I just wanted to say you are worth a clean and sober life. We all mess up sometimes. You just have to learn from it. You are in my thoughts and prayers. The alcoholic in me was pretending my Cranberry juice was wine this evening. I had to stop myself with those thoughts instantly and its been years since I’ve drank. I know the struggle.
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