Help, overwhelming triggers

I’m in need of support for the next four days, I’m recovering from binge drinking, going really well, I’ve never really coped that well with being on my own and my triggers are normally when my husband goes out on a Friday night and I’m at home, I’ve got a 7 & 5 Yr old, I’ve gotten used to the Friday night and I can settle quite well knowing that my husband will be coming back. It seems like anxiety and it takes control quite fast. So for two years my husband has been out of work but today he has started back to work and that means he’s away from home for four days to do a training course. He will be working nights too. I am getting really bad anxiety and already want to have a drink, he only left an hour ago. I didn’t want to tell my husband how I’m feeling because I don’t want to make him feel like he can’t work because of me, yet I can work. I have made a list of things I can do including studying, which I have done 4 units already this morning. Getting chest tightening and restless, just really looking for support and reassurance so I don’t turn to drinking, being irresponsible and letting my husband down. So far I’ve listed my studies, working new summer menu’s for work (I’m a chef) reading session with my younger son at school tomorrow morning, school trip, kickboxing tomorrow for me and the boys, having my friend and her son over Friday after school for tea, housework and it doesn’t seem enough, more anxious about the evening when the boys are in bed and I’m on my own, help please, I feel like I’m winding myself up


Have you ever tried drawing? I did a lot of drawing and coloring and such the first few months I was getting clean. Takes so much time and some of the results weren’t horrible, haha. And it’s as easy as finding a pencil and some paper. Another thing that’s similar is Zentangles. Basically intricate doodling. You can Google them and come up with a thousand tangles. The whole point of them is to fill a 3x3 inch square with the tangles and it’s meditative (or something). I just ended up taking a sketchbook and filling some pages with random shit.


Ah @RedDragon - I understand that anxiety that comes with being alone with the kids at the end of a very, very long day. That’s when the worst of my drinking started towards the end. But the thing is - it is even worse when you are hungover! You still have time get up early, be a mum, do all the stuff - and you feel terrible. I’ve started doing some guided meditation and I swear it has helped. Your kids could even do it with you. And I love that you are kickboxing! I know this is a big change for your family, yet I’m guessing that a second income will help out a lot? You are so strong - you keep coming back and fighting to stay sober. Thanks for being my buddy here from day 1.:heart_decoration:

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Have you tried meditations? Or looked up information on addiction in YouTube? Those may help. Go for a walk? YouTube yoga? Write? Get on here and talk to us or look at the threads. Look online for a SMART meeting? These are some of the things that help me.

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You have a plan to do constructive things (studying, time with a friend) and important things (Mom things, work things). Why the anxiety? That your husband is returning to work after a long period, should grant you a sense of greater security, I would think. Perhaps it is because you feel a loss of control, now that he will be leaving the house and generating an income? Are you being overwhelmed by a lack of uncertainty for the future?

It was February 1991. I was a young Marine Sergeant. I was in charge of 12 Marine Combat Engineers, 1/3 of an engineer platoon attached to an infantry battalion. For months we’d sat across from the Kuwaiti border, training for the day when we’d have to punch through Iraqi wire, mines, tank traps and ditches, to clear lanes for our assault forces to go liberate that country. We watched CNN in the mess tent. The press had built up the “Well-equipped, battle-hardened Iraqi Army”, who had been digging in for months, into this “meat-grinder”. We were told that we might experience 30-40% casualties.

I was understandably apprehensive, mostly because I was worried about failing my Marines, becoming frozen with fear when the time came to act, and to a much lesser degree, dying. We were all worried. We just didn’t show it around each other.

We planned. We trained. We planned some more. We trained some more. Then the time came to step-off. As best as I can describe it, the world got “very small, real quick”. There was noise, and light, and dark and things were chaotic. I still remember the red-tracers going out, and the green-tracers coming in. We set about executing our plan. We focused on the tasks right in front of us, doing the things we’d planned to do, trained to do. The next thing I remember, we were through the lines. It seemed to have passed in an instant. We went through those “well-equipped, battle-hardened” Iraqis like a hot knife through butter, and in the daylight, I got my first look at them. They were wretched, dirty, demoralized, and terrified. Hands in the air, walking in big groups, looking to surrender to whomever they encountered.

I remember thinking, “I’ve had a tougher go in training. That wasn’t tough at all. I could do that again, no problem. I WANT to do that again!”

But alas, I spent the next days and weeks walking, policing up Iraqi weapons, and blowing them up. Pretty mundane stuff. Just did my job.

And that’s all you have to do: Execute your plan. Work each task to completion. Before you know it, you will welcome these opportunities, instead of worrying about them. What you are facing is really much smaller than your imagination.



Stay busy. Good distractions that last for hours can help focus your attention, restlessness & anxiety. Four days are great to tackle a big project you’ve been wanting to get done. It’s a healthy channel. Any home improvements? Gardening? Anything creative? Rearranging furniture & decorating? The possibilities are endless, will make time fly by & you’ll be so proud of yourself that you not only endured these 4 days but actually liked them & got something on your to do list done!

Pic of me restoring a dining room table/chairs… I had no idea what I was doing, but trying something out of your comfort zone is a good place to start.


Wow, you do look amazing sober! Crazy how productive we are when we’re not slaves to our addictions. What you’ve achieved is seriously admirable. And your dog is too cute :grin:

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Well thank you! That’s Tugg Boat inspecting my work :smile:

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So lately I’ve found that an hour of intense exercise can pretty much cure all that ails me. It reduces stress and increases energy. It improves sleep patterns and takes up time. I prefer exercising solo with my headphones in bc it acts as my meditation time.


Hello. I can just suggest you writing some inspirational things. I have a great interest in writing about philosphy whenever I have a void in my time. It is not only fueling my brain to hold on to my recovery process but also helps improving myself. I think this one of the tricks that I am being able to occupy my addicted mind.

Thank you @MoCatt for being my ever wavering support you are truly amazing, you have checked in on me and supported me even though my lack of getting involved.

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I love the army and so much wanted to be part of it, in the UK I joined the army cadet force under the 3rd cadet battalion of the Welsh RRW Royal regiment of Wales, I reached cadet sergeant major, I worked my arse off, I joined at 13 till I was 18 even working with the paras, I wanted to be front line but at that time women were not allowed to be front line so settled for adult instructor role which I left within a year because of pervy men, I love the whole physical aspect and the great outdoors, I know I’m ment for more, military services is in my family but my time at 37 has passed

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Don’t they have the “home guard” or reserves there in the UK, like they do here in the US?

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When I was old enough they didn’t except women front line, that’s all I wanted, if I couldn’t be in combat I didn’t see a point in applying for anything else

I used to write poetry before I met my husband but he was put off when I showed him my work as it was about an ex so I stopped

Well, you can write about something else now. I think It can be helpful when you cannot find the power to battle your tricky mind. It reduces the anxiety. At least, for me. Give it a try.


Off the top of my head @Cgty04
This road it may seem lonely
If only for a short mile
this battle is for me only
At the end it will be all smiles


Still struggling with the me time, when I get it I don’t know what to do with it, good at making lists just not for me, need to form new habits :slight_smile:

It comes slowly with practice and patience. I still like having music on when I’m alone bc it helps keep my thoughts from running wild. I call it music meditation.

Believe it or not I’ve had music on all day so it is helping some, nearly time for the boys to go to bed soon and I’m still anxious, but it’s still the first night without my husband