I am not a drinker but i need some advice… She only drink occasionally - (weekends would be fair assessment)- not all the time, but frequently her issue is that she does not seem to know when to stop. Once she starts- it’s like the mechanism to tell her she has had enough is missing. I admit- i don’t understand this. I cannot assess where this means she has an “Issue”. Would this be categorized as a different issue?. Unless someone is there to tell her to stop- she will keep going. Can someone help me understand what this is? When i confront her- of course she says- “it’s my way of unwinding and I am in a safe place…”
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I think you can find some advice and great people here struggling with the same issue as you
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thank you all- would you all consider this person an addict? I think that is where is am looking for some direction
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I don’t think we can label other people addicts or alcoholics. Or give you a definite answer on that.
I tagged you in on that thread Franzi mentioned.
Might be able to answer some of your questions
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Here you can find some definitions. But I think that’s a different question. The thread I linked and also @Dazercat is also dealing with the topic of: how is this affecting me. How is it impacting your life that you try to find the answer to it.
I mean you can always honestly tell her your concerns, how you feel about her drinking.
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I have but it leads to arguments - I have even said- when you get in that state- it is hurtful to me. But the answer i get is that I am not letting her “destress” and doing what she needs to do to cope with daily struggles (as we all have)
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That’s why you have to look after yourself as she is not (yet) aware of a possible problem. It’s about you here and now. You are probably suffering from the situation and have to set a boundary to protect yourself from her actions.
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Hiya.
No one can give you a diagnosis or a prescription for your fiancés drinking habits; we can all point you in directions or give you our own personal experiences. It looks like people have pointed you in great directions so I’ll give you my personal experience.
Where your fiancé is now (by the sound of it) is where I was at about 12 years ago. I would drink on Tuesday nights with a friend at his flat and then at weekends pretty much all the way through. Then it pretty rapidly became a nightly thing which is not to say your fiancé will do the same.
My stepfather took me aside one day and he said “I don’t think you’re an alcoholic but If you are not careful, you very much have the potential to be.” Well as it goes, he was right - I was a full blown alcoholic and drug addict within a year of that.
Certainly, many people experience their addictions in stages or it gets progressively worse - You’re walking a very difficult tightrope because you can’t see what’s going on inside your fiancés head. At this stage, I would say you have a chance of getting through but it depends on your approach. If they’re mean and defensive about their drinking, yeah you may well have a potential addict on your hands. If you can address the issue calmly, respectfully and compassionately - offer support and don’t go hell for leather then you might be able to find a chink in the armour.
Good luck
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I can only speak for myself, i am an addict…when i drank i drank because i wanted to unwind, escape, cope and eventually i used alcohol for every little thing that i felt i couldnt handle…after that it became for any reason…even when things were good id use it to feel even better…alcoholism is a progressive disease…it gets worse over time…i could never stop either because once id started to escape reality id want to escape more…until i got to the oblivion i so wanted…i dont think people who arent addicts use alcohol in that way…just a glimpse into my alcoholic mind for you to consider
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I have this affliction, if I have one drink, I’ll keep drinking until there’s no more or until I pass out, whatever comrs first.
In my mind, I just need one more drink to reach the state of mind and body that I desire, but it never comes, no matter how many drinks I have.
I’ve always been this way, ever since my first drink at 12 years old.
It took years of binge drinking before it became more frequent. Only Friday turned to Friday and Saturday, then Sundays. Then Wednesday, followed by Thursdays. Eventually, I was drinking everyday. Its progressive that way.
Everyone said I should quit. My wife, my sisters, my Mom and Dad, my friends, even the clerk at the corner store. But I didn’t, until I was ready.
Does your fiancé have a problem? Maybe, maybe not. Is she an addict? Probably not now. Is she exhibiting alcohol behavior? Seems like it. Will it get worse? Probably.
Can you do anything about it? No… you can’t.
You can love her, you can set boundaries, you can give her an ultimatum, but at the end of the day, the choice to quit is her’s and her’s alone.
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