Here I Am.....Again

Hello everyone… I’m new here and this is my first time posting anything. So, anyway… I recently had 105 days sober. i was able to achieve that because I was in a residential recovery house. Long story short, after that time I thought I was “strong enough” to maintain sobriety at home. Well, two weeks later and here I am again, in a different residential recovery house. Today was my first day in the new facility and I found myself very overwhelmed with having to start the whole process over… Meeting new people (females…so we know how that can be lol), learning the rules, attending groups and outside meetings, etc…etc… I obviously need the help and I clearly didn’t learn all that I needed to learn before. So, I realize I need to be here. I’m just pissed off that I’m doing this all over. I guess I’m just looking for any advice on how I can stop being upset with myself that my own actions put me right back here. I’m sure others can relate and if so, how did you get through it? Thanks everyone! :slightly_smiling_face:

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I can completely relate to what you write here. I had 17 months sober until covid hit and had to work from home with no meetings available in person. I felt I had enough time sober and could do it on my own for a while and within a few weeks, I was hitting the bottle for 4 months.

It’s really hard not to beat yourself up over it and feel like you have to do it all over again, however; it helped me to remember that those days sober I had prior to relapsing weren’t lost. I still had the experience from that and it’s been helping this time around. I have 65 days today and sometimes it feels like a punch in the pants when I think of how little time I have now in comparison to before, but comparing myself to others or even my past self never did me any good. Just try to remember that no feeling is final. Glad you made it back and just remember, if you stick with the lows long enough, they’ll eventually turn into highs.

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Hi and welcome. I felt the same way when I relapsed on Thanksgiving. I noticed the more sober days that passed after my relapse, the feelings slowly started going away. However, you may want to journal what your feeling right now, so that if you ever get tempted again you can remind yourself what another relapse would feel like & hopefully fight it a little bit harder. It has helped me. I don’t know what the future holds for myself, but I know that I never want to feel like that again. Find strength from weakness. God bless :pray:

I relapsed a couple of times with around 6 months both times, I guess i hadn’t had enough yet. It doesn’t pay to be mad at yourself for the relapse, just learn from it, there is nothing else we can do about the past. Welcome to the group Heather, nice to meet you.

Don’t hold on to your past mistakes. It’s easy to be filled with guilt and shame but you have to let all that go! You did what you did for a reason, just be happy that you have that motivation to start again and to strive for a sober life. Try to take in everything this sober home has to offer and kick today’s ass! Today is a new beginning for you!!

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It is a shame that there can be such complicated and sinfulness vicious and ruthless rites of passage with other women - I do know what you mean. Guys seem to have it easier in that way. :smirk:

Glad You’re here though, welcome to the forum hun. If you everwant to chat, hit me up! There’s no rites of passage with me :blush::purple_heart:

Btw, the way I see it, it’s frustrating to start over, and discouraging. But try to look at it in a positive light - you’re still here with us, and you get another chance to get and stay sober. There were many times when I relapsed and overdosed in the process. I’m lucky that I’m still alive, lucky that I got so many underserved chances to try again.

It’s all part of a long process/journey. Take it easy on yourself, k?

It’s our behaviour our own ideas,

I tell everyone my trip to detox, was me planning for an oil change, I was addicted to alcohol physically and mentally, in my head I said I just need to break the physical dependence and then I can drink like a normal human being.

I argued and fought every step of the way that I didn’t need rehab i didn’t need sober living I didn’t need any of that, I was wrong as wrong could be. If I went home post either rehab, or detox I would be right on the same old path

We get it in our heads we got this, our brains trick us into believing we are in more control than we are, it’s the disease trying to say I want to kill you but I’m also gonna make you believe your in control.

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