Hey everyone! I guess I just needed to vent. I had a really good day today. I talked to my sponsor, went to a meeting and talked to my ex boyfriends mother a lot. I felt productive today. And then I came home, I had a headache and just started thinking about my ex. We haven’t spoken since I got sober which is also when we broke up.
When we broke up he said maybe I should go home to Jersey (I live in AZ but am from Jersey). And today it just kinda hit me. He doesn’t ever want me in his life again. He wants me to go home and never see me again. Huh. That hurts.
I know I screwed up. I’m trying to get to the source of my drinking. And I’m not going to leave a job I love and the friends that I have just because of this. I feel like I’d be running away too. I’m tired of people dictating my life. I want my life to filled with my choices! I want to be brave and not burn any bridges behind me. And I want a chance to make amends at some point.
So to combat these crazy feelings I’m going to work out til I can’t breathe and forget about it for a while.
I don’t know what to feel.
Any help or advice would be appreciated.
You’re doing all the right things so keep placing one foot in front of the other. Allow yourself the feelings, and don’t get down because of his. Beware the HALT symptoms too, lonely and tired can definitely take their toll on someone in recovery.
Oh yeah I’ve heard about those before. I definitely haven’t been sleeping well (not that that’s a surprise). I can breathe again! Hard workout!
I know I’ll have good days and bad days. I guess I just got to live like anyone else with the bad. It was just strange! I was feeling alright and then it just hit me! And I got depressed.
You got a higher power right? Use him/her. Pray for serenity.
You could use his words against him, show him ur still around and doing great without him. He is stuck in a hole, u got out of it. He is just pissed ur going in the rigjt direction, and he not. I guess what im saying use it as power to move forward and up in life. Keep it up
Hey girl. Just wanted to throw some things out there. Try to remember that through our addiction the people we hurt the most are the people we love and love us. We hurt them A LOT. Some people have to make a clean break and say some things that are harsh. I don’t know if what you are feeling is true or not, don’t know if he never wants you in his life again, but I do know that exactly what you said about staying and making a better life is spot on. You have a life there that you enjoy. And if you are anything like me, going back “home” is the stupidest idea ever. Who knows what will happen between you two in the future. You have the absolute right attitude about doing you first! Down the road as you become more healthy and happy he may be proud of you. Or he may be even more hurt because he can’t put his ego aside. It’s hard for a lot of people to accept that they couldn’t change us, that we has to do it ourselves.
All I know at the end of the day is that you are being so strong. You’re doing all the right things for YOU. I see people everyday who can’t understand that the only way to succeed is to make a break and put themselves first. I know he broke up with you, but you have not dwelled on that, you have put your sobriety and recovery above everything else. Personally I think you are one of the super strong ones! Keep your head up! Keep doing you!
I hope you feel better! I think that when we hurt the people we love they can say very mean things to try to make you feel the way you’ve made them feel. I noticed you said that he said that the last day you spoke to him and are thinking about it now. Don’t let something he said out of anger get you down after you’ve made so much progress. Prove him wrong. You got this! You’ve made it this far and if you guys are really meant to be then he’ll come back.
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You didn’t screw up. You’re healing yourself. If your ex is angry about that, you’re better off without him.
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Your life is already full of choices. You chose to stay with your friends and job instead of running; to work out instead of drinking.
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Don’t know how to feel? Proud! You’re doing all the right things! Keep it up!
I don’t think you should sit there and make assumptions about what he “meant” when he suggested you go home to Jersey. You said yourself that you hadn’t talked to him since you broke up. It’s possible he only meant that there would be better support for you there. Or maybe he DID mean what you think he did but it isn’t helpful for you to assume anything.
Just stay calm and do what you have to do FOR YOU.
@Betterbee42 Hang in there, everything happens for a reason. A door may close but another will open…
Thanks to everyone who replied!!! I feel better now that I’ve had some sleep!! I know it’s going to be hard sometimes and I really shouldn’t push things by prematurely jumping the gun. I know I’m going to see him again at some point because we work together.
I also know he needs the time to heal and while we might never be what we once were, I know I can make it right in the future. I don’t know when. But I know I can.
I do have a higher power I always kinda believed in something so now its not quite defined but it’s still there. I prayed last night. So today is a new day and I’m going to try to make the best of it but not overwork myself either.
Our stories are pretty similar.
I’m also very happy to hear you’re remaining strong and feeling better today. (Those workouts when thoughts of the ex come about are amazing aren’t they haha)
But you are truly doing amazing.
I’m proud of you!!
Woot woot
Awww thank you everyone!!! I know one thing! I couldn’t do this without all of you!!!
Easters almost here!
here’s some cake!
I’m sorry you were hurting. I’m glad to see you reached out, worked out, and got some sleep. I’m even happier to hear you’re feeling better today.
Only you can decide whether you want to stay or go home, don’t let his opinion weigh too much. It sounds like you know where you want to be. So, as long as you have good support there, it sounds like the right decision to stay. Show him how well you can do there!
I think you are on right path here . There is so much strenght in you , keep on doing what you doing .You are doing whats best for you 
You should be proud yes i am of you .So you Go Girl . Be the change you want to be