Hey guys. So I know it’s been a year, and I’m not gonna pretend that everything has been great. I started college last fall to become a drug and alcohol counselor, that’s going great. I’ve been attending an online zoom N.A. meeting that I found when I was doing an assignment for a class last semester. I love my meeting and I love my people in it, but I’m feeling very disconnected right now. I took on a service commitment that I would chair my meetings every Friday afternoon. At first, I was jumping up excited to get my ass to my meeting and loving that I was able to bring a meeting together for myself and other people. Yesterday, I dropped my service commitment. I got into an argument with my supposed to be biggest supporter and friend, and I’m feeling extremely hurt and I’m not gonna lie, I’m fucking angry. I’ve been dropped by so many people but for her to not talk to me all day and ignore me but she posts on social media and can react to my boyfriends shit has been BOTHERING ME. The whole issue was that I said I had a family emergency and she said it was bs that I’m lying to get out of my meeting. I’m an only child but my best friend who I have known for over a decade called me in tears as she had just made the decision to sign the rights over to her daughter (her story to tell not mine) and that she needed me. Of course I dropped what I was doing and went to her because that’s what I would do for anyone of my friends I consider family. Now, I’m not perfect by any fuckin means. But for someone that has been apart of my daily life for the last year to just totally ignore me and act like I don’t fucking exist, something that literally MULTIPLE people including my own mother have done to me my entire life, just shatters me. My boyfriend (loving guy, never been addicted to anything, very supportive of my recovery) tells me I shouldn’t let it bother me but it does. I texted her twice today asking if she was still mad or if we could talk about yesterday and got ignored. Then I texted her again saying that I still love her even if she is mad at me but that she isn’t the only one who’s angry. The me that was still using and drinking heavily wants to blow up her phone with how angry I am like I am with this platform, but at this point I don’t feel like she will care. It fucking hurts. I never in a million years thought she would ever hurt me this way and it’s hard not to feel resentful. The amount of times I have said the serenity prayer over the last 24 hours is immense. I want to scream at her that she hurt me, and I know I need to let it out, but FUCKING HELL if I can tell it to her. I’ve dropped everything for her several times in the last year and for her to say what she did just makes me question if she even knows me at all at this point.
When shitty things like this happen to me I can only remind myself of the fact that I can’t control anything but me, my actions & attitude to it.
I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this, but great work on you & your recovery!
If I’m honest my suggestions would be to:
-try to get past the anger/resentment
-let her say and do whatever she wants
-focus on your recovery
what can you control?
Thanks so much and yea I’m trying to work past it it just hurts that I’m in this situation
You’re right this is something I can’t control and I need to stop trying to. Just a hard habit to break
This too will pass, Brittni
You’re absolutely right 🫶🏻 thanks friend
Don’t let it bother you. People are hard on other people sometimes, its fine. Let the universe or God or whatever you believe in figure it out and turn it over and keep turning it over and in time “this too shall pass”