So my story begins I guess way back to the first time I got high on pot. In my hometown in Ontario Canada. I must’ve been like, I’d say 14ish. And once I got that head change I was hooked. From there like most of the other teens I hung out with we got high drank on weekends and stuff like that. Then I started skipping school to get high. Dropped out of school in the 9th grade. Moved to the city, couch hoped at friends or stayed at a close relatives (also drug addict). Her thing was percocets so I got into them for a little while nothing much though never cared for opiates. But my thirst for alcohol grew. I was basically the drunk, the guy at parties that would get over excessively drunk. Blacked out constantly, numerous fights, just an ugly person when I drank. It was like jekyll and Hyde. That became my drug of choice, even amongst the use of extasy, cocaine, pot, hallucinogens (shrooms) crack. And whatever else I was on over the course of 8 years till I moved to the US, in Wyoming. After I met my bride to be online. I went to go visit her one summer and decided to stay why not I was just a drunk anyways I had little to no possessions and just coasted around doing b.s. So yeah, we were in love. She partied with me a bit at first but I was insane drunk when I first met her I was a complete mess. Punching holes in the wall, raging drunk lunatic shit. And in front of her 3 year old son. So she stopped after nearly getting killed trying to keep up with me on night on a bottle of whiskey and some percocets. I was such a mess her little boy would repeat the same thing to me everytime we went to the liquor store. “No Whiskey” cause he’d here his mom say it so much. That stuff is the devil to me. We got by, I was able to maintain a job somewhat, I’ve had so many jobs it’s ridiculous. But then I ended up getting a really good job working in a refinery doing scaffold building. We had a baby boy. We got married, I stayed sober for 1 year that year 2012-2013 then bought booze 1 year later on new years then the snowball effect till I was right back into the daily, but was functioning mostly. Met some guys at work that were into coke and took off on that for a good while. My ex wife would be doing it with me after the birth of our daughter. She regrets that she stopped breast feeding too early with her because she wanted to use coke with me. But I never forced her or anything in all honesty I preferred when I was doing it alone, because I’m a fiend like that. Lost my job because of a dirty UA, then went on to do some journeyman scaffold jobs. I was in Nebraska totally just out of it on coke and drunk as hell. Texting my wife who was living in her parents basement with the kids because we lost our apartment due to my drug use. Just saying the most ugly hateful stuff to her. For no reason, just to start a fight. Or because I’d create a delusion that she’s cheating on me. I create a lot of delusions because I isolate and use. So she wanted a divorce, we split up after 8 years of hell. Because of me of course. I’d see the kids every weekend. Id be drunk or on some sort of drugs, started trying crystal meth here and there. She wouldn’t let me see my kids after a while. So I took a cocktail of different drugs and a shit load of booze to wash it all down with. Woke up in the hospital cause my 1 friend I had at the time found me in convulsions on my floor. I lived through it, I was in behavioral unit at the hospital my ex wife tracked me down there. We kinda reconciled and she agrees to let me see them again if I get help. So I moved into this crisis home and get help with my mental health and addictions. And I met the love of my life there, the mother of my youngest daughter. We ended up moving in together way too early in the relationship. Since at the crisis home we were under restrictions so she didn’t see me on the outs. She then got to see me drunk making a fool of myself. Losing jobs, struggling. We started using coke together. She stopped after the pregnancy. I was wasted the while time. Cops coming over telling me to pull it together for her she’s pregnant and all. I still used. She had pretty severe post partum depression. And I was just a useless shit. We lost our place and moved into her mom’s because she needed support and help I was unable to provide. We lived there a while I was always drunk and high. I would look for excuses to leave and go get drunk and started using meth behind her back. Then Christmas 2019 I was in detox because I was too hung over to function. She told me not to come home anymore. I had developed a pretty severe alcohol dependency this is after already numerous ER visits for DTs and withdrawals with banana bags and all that. I left detox and went to use some more. We were supposed to meet up for new years for lunch at a Cafe. But I ran into a meth plug on the way and was too ashamed to face her. She was so hurt. I checked into treatment for the 2nd time. I was lucky they took me back at all. But after 2 weeks I got my first phone call to her and she said she loved me but wanted to be single. I freaked out left got drunk and high got arrested for possession and public intoxication. I continue to used lost everything was living in my car. Malnourishment and delusional from the abuse I was in a whole other world. I was sleeping around with some pretty questionable ladies. Just out of it, I don’t know what I was doing. I tried to get away from the meth but I was just caught it had my soul. I walked around high as a kite over a little more than a year. Just in my own world of paranoid delusions. I guess looking back I was just trying to escape the reality I created with all the abuse. I totally neglected everyone and just barely survived I wandered around Nebraska, Wyoming, and Colorado is where it ended. It was this last Christmas I was homeless in downtown Denver and I called my brother and asked for his help he bought me a greyhound ticket to Michigan a boarder town. Couldn’t cross the boarder because of Covid restrictions the bus doesn’t run across. So I smoked my last bowl of meth got on the bus. Got to Michigan couldn’t crossvit was a blizzard like 2am. So I slept in the hallway of a hotel nearby. My brother drove across into Michigan and picked me up. We have right of passage since we’re half Native American. Treaties made it possible for him and I to cross. I stayed the quarantine at his place then came back to my home city. Hoping to get clean but it’s just as bad here, so I continued to use. The psychosis was so bad by this point I really just didn’t even know what was real anymore. I was some sort of God in my mind, controlling the winds and stuff. I was alone and really high for a long time. I down graded to speed pills from meth. Which I am still struggling with. Today is day 1 again. But I’m gonna get it right this time. It’s hard coming back home after being gone for 13 years. I’m not the same as I was to my family and friends. I put myself through hell, and its a long hard road outta there. But this is it now, today is the day that this madness ends. Long story, but I really needed to get that off my chest.
Thanks for sharing… I already welcomed you but your story reminds me of the fucking CHAOS of my active addiction.
Fuck addiction, fuck booze, fuck meth, fuck all of it.
Super happy you’re still alive, get ready for a big mother fight. You are not alone we will be here to walk with you.
Thank you, yeah it’s been a battle. I’m so ready for it to end though. I’m really getting into more healthier choices and lifestyle meditating and eating less junk.
You have cleaned up before so you kinda know what to expect.
Just take it minute by minute if you have to. Do you go to NA or AA?
Well Chris thank god for your friend who found you, because of that you were able to continue and you found this group here at TS. I thank you for sharing your story it was heart felt and honest, so much to take in. I can only tell you I was in a similar situation, different, but very similar. You took a huge step in reaching out and sharing with us and for that you deserve a lot of credit. It’s a hard thing to do and it takes bravery to do such a thing. I am not very good at sounding very good when it comes to helping people, and to be honest I hardly ever reply when I read post , because I’m afraid of how I might sound , or afraid I will say the wrong things. I however really connected with your story, and the only advice I can give you is just continue to work on you , build yourself up, it’s definitely going to be hard, heck I’m only 12 days clean off alcohol, but I’m 7 years clean off of everything else, and when I say everything I mean everything. See I substituted my highs with alcohol because in my mind it was legal easily accessible and people didn’t really look down on it. I like everything I have ever done took it to the next level and alcohol was almost just as destructive for me, I just wish I had noticed it earlier. I’m 40 years old and it took me until now to realize, I can’t do anything that alters my mind in moderation and that’s just me honestly, but I did try, and I failed at it that’s why I’m here. I did eventually get my life on track it took me a while, but I did manage and I’m sure you will as well. I will be thinking of you and sending you my best Chris. Best wishes.
I’ll be going to NA.
Happy to hear that.
Hi Chris. Thank you for sharing your story. Stick around here. Every one is Amazing and it truly is a great tool In staying clean. I used meth for ten years solidly. I can say that this forum and the people here are a big reason I’m clean now today. Just keep checking in here every day. Onwards and upwards. 
Thank you.
Hi Chris, great to meet you 
Thanks for sharing chris. I struggled with drugs for large part of my life only relapsing onto alcohol and now just getting my head clear again. Your making the right choice. Its not easy but it is worth it and so are you. Stay strong buddy.