Hi! Newbie needing some wisdom

Hi everyone!
I’m Jenny. This is my first post on this app but not the first time I’ve tried this sober journey. I work in mental health and I feel like a pro at dishing advice but never taking my own. I know sober me, is happy me but I’m constantly fighting the “I can do moderation” voice in my head. Need some advice from those who have “been there, done that” sorta thing. . .

  1. When did you realize or make the decision to fully cut alcohol out of your life? I feel like I haven’t had a “rock bottom” but I’m also scared my habits will eventually land me there.

  2. How do you cope with having a family or spouse that continues to drink (in moderation)? This is MY journey and I completely understand the importance of environmental support but I also can’t rely on others changing. Anyway, any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Also, if you don’t have any advice, I wouldn’t mind some funny memes to bring some joy to my evening :crazy_face:
Nice to meet you all, and I’m so proud of US :sparkling_heart:


Welcome, Jenny. I’m pretry new here as well. Today was day 17 sober and I’m going to bed sober so it is a great day. To answer your questions:

  1. I realized years ago that I needed to cut alcohol completely out of my life, but didn’t act on that need with any sincerity until 17 days ago. I say ‘with any sincerity’ because I’ve white knuckled some time before and gotten a couple weeks to a month at a time, but this time I am actually in meetings, working a plan, and being open and accountable with several people not limited to but including my wife.

  2. I count myself lucky to have a spouse who, although is a completely normal drinker, has decided to give it up completely to support my efforts. Sorry, no advice to give here.

Glad you’re here. Stay committed.



Thank you Dan! I hope through my actions of staying committed it may show those around me, I’m taking things seriously, and who knows, maybe some will choose the same path. I have chosen to make sobriety my top priority this time… for me. Thanks again and congrats on your progress :muscle:t3:


Hi Jenny :slightly_smiling_face: I tried cutting down or limiting myself to just 1 or 2 at a time. It always worked for a week or 2 or 3 or 4. But no matter how long that lasted, I was always fighting the voice in my head (my addiction) telling me to have more. I started making excuses about why I could have more, or should have more or why I deserved to have more. Before too long it would always end up the same way… eventually I wasn’t satisfied until I was black out drunk. I only has 2 types of days… drunk days or hungover days. In my opinion, if you’re constantly fighting that voice that wants to have more… it might be time to stop all together :heart:


Hi Jenny, Congratulations on trying out his app as a way to help you not drink.

  1. First I had to realize that sober me was a happier me. Sounds like you already figured that part out. I figured it out for myself after doing a 100 day alcohol free challenge. After that 100 days the “moderation” voice in my head took over so I was back to regular drinking in a week. 2 years after that I quit for good. I finally gave it up for good whenI realized drinking was not offering anything positive in my life. I read Allen Carrs book the easy way to quit drinking. Also read on this forum and interacted everyday for a full year. “Rock bottom” is a relative term. Dropping out of college could be a rock bottom for some… It was not my rock bottom, losing multiple jobs due to tardiness from drinking the night before still not a bottom. DUI charge… no bottom there for me either. One day I just said I was done… and so far im still done. One day I surrendered to alcohol. It can only defeat me if I take that first drink.

2)My wife doesnt have a problem with drinking but she still drinks on ocassion. Try not to compare yourself to them. Remember this is a problem you have and something you want to fix for yourself. At first it was tough being around friends and family drinking. After awhile it just became part of me… I am a non drinker. Your friends and family might give you a hard time for the first few months but then they give up and realize you are no longer drink.


Alcohol isn’t my addiction, but for me, I decided to cut my addiction out of my life when I reached a point where I knew it was holding me back. There were things I wanted to be and stuff I wanted to do, and my addiction was preventing me from doing that.

It wasn’t a one-step, easy process. I had to start searching for help. I searched around a found recovery groups, I tried SMART recovery, I attended group counselling, eventually I found a sex addiction recovery clinic, I signed up, and I worked the program. And it took time & effort - but it worked.

In terms of my expectations of others, I find I’ve gotten clearer with myself and with them, about what I need (including my wife - especially my wife - I’m listening to her with more empathy now, and I’m also articulating my emotional needs better). I did ask that my wife attend a group for partners of addicts. At first she did it for me, but as she saw the positive effect it was having on her own emotional well-being, she really started taking ownership of it, and she still attends & has made friends there (they go for walks & meet up now outside group). Addiction affects everyone in the family, whether they’re the addict or not.

It’s about understanding and communication. Understanding myself, to better understand how I can relate to others; communicating with others in ways that respect me, and respect them. And all of that, I learned in my recovery program. :innocent:

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Hi Jenny and welcome :slightly_smiling_face:

For me, I knew for years that my drinking wasn’t doing me any favours but it reached a point where it was really impacting on my daily life and those around me and I knew it had to stop. Moderation wasn’t an option either as I’d always miserably fail. I reached a point where I was eventually prepared to do whatever it took, bit the bullet and buckled myself in for the sober rollercoaster ride. Acceptance that I was a better person not drinking played a huge role too and took a long time to come to terms with.
I’m almost at 2 years now and am so grateful everyday that I made that choice.
I used to believe that rock bottom was when something really bad happened ie life changing as a result of my drinking. But they were all warning signs that I was reaching levels closer to rock bottom. Because rock bottom is actually the end, somewhere you can never come back from. And knowing that I was spiralling closer to that point scared the beejeezus out of me, enough to make me want to stop.

I don’t have a partner now but the person I was with didn’t want to lose his drinking buddy so it made it incredibly difficult. Yes, your drinking is your responsibility but I think some understanding, support and boundaries that you are both happy to work with really help x


Hi Jenny :wave:

I didn’t stop drinking because of a particular event or situation, I was just feeling quite pathetic in general and thought that if I could be more useful (eg designated driver), more present/engaged in my relationships and also be able to contribute more financially at home then it would help my self esteem. It definitely has.

My wife still drinks sometimes (not at the moment though as she is housing a baby, presently). It doesn’t effect me if she does as my reasons for getting sober are all very internal.

Hope you are feeling the benefits of a clear head soon :+1:


Hello and welcome. Things to consider that Ifeel helps: no two “bottoms” are the same. Shit, AA would be so boring if they were.
Remembering we have absolutely no control of anything or anyone other than ourselves.
Most importantly, we don’t have to or need to drink booze again.
Reading the big book of AA helps, a lot.

Stick around, it’s all about the healthy and happy!


I’m on day 9 now. Today has definitely been the hardest since I always feel super motivated in the beginning and then slowly my internal reasoning starts to doubt my commitment. Also, had a super stressful day at work but I’m hanging on strong. At least for today. I’m looking into online meet ups and support groups.

Hi Jenny, the more you educate yourself on the science of alcohol, the easier it should become to quit. Also, moderation is just fucking exhausting. When you just accept that you no longer drink, you take a major anxiety producing decision off the table. That is freedom.

You may enjoy The Luckiest Club for an online sobriety community with meetings. I also attend my local AA. Glad you are here, Jenny.


Hi Jenny. Just wanted to say hello, I also work in mental health and have not hit rock bottom. But I’ve crossed some lines I’m not proud of and the biggest factor for me is not being able to resist when I want to. I don’t “look” like an addict, and I’ve even had a therapist tell me I was not addicted :roll_eyes: I will also be dealing with family members who are not sober and are codependent (oh you’re having a bad day, just one glass of wine won’t hurt!). I’ve tried and failed moderation over and over, I’ve tried cutting out some things and not others (cannabis) and it never works so I know it’s a problem. But here I am; not sober yet but I’ve started attending meetings for the first time and I’m on this app. It’s coming for me!