I just need to get this off my chest so I don’t keep returning to it and reviving the anger.
Holidays with my husbands family are…frustrating. I’ve been married to him for 15 years so this is nothing new, but I’m really struggling with anger over it this year- obviously because I’m not drinking to tamp it down. I really dislike the fact that his family always wants to have holidays at our house. It stresses me out to have so many people over, not to mention the fact that they are not very considerate guests. I wanted a Thanksgiving lunch due to the fact that I am working the day before and after. Since I am hosting and cooking and cleaning up( because they are not very considerate) I wanted time to relax at the end of the day. Text messages last night say they will be here at 6 
. They don’t contribute to the meal, or usually help clean up, although sometimes they do. I am really angry about this, especially that my request for an earlier time was overrun.
I want to have a nice day, and I want to let go of this anger so I don’t feel it the whole time, and I don’t want it to carry over to my husband. So I’m hoping that venting here will help me to let go of this.
Sorry for the rant, I hope everyone can have a great day!
You are right. I feel that its to late at this point, but Christmas will be a hard no.
You are a person on you own right and are well within you rights to say no to this sort of thing.
It’s your holiday too!
Do they know you want to do a lunch? Keep your boundararies. It’s nice already that they can come to your house. Why not in the house of someone else?
If not possible, stick to the lunch offer 
Can you tell them to come earlier? I would say dinner is at 2 because you have an early morning the next day.
Why do they get to choose? So they don’t have any of the work, cleaning, etc.
My house, my rules…
Thanks for the ideas guys! I think what I’ll do is keep the lunch time- if you come later you fend for yourself!
Can you tell them that we are in a crisis with COVID and not host. Keeping everyone safe is a great excuse to not host. I’m sorry you are going through this. Holidays can be challenging.
At this point I don’t think I can. I think the beat thing for me to do is go about my day like I was planning, and when they show up they can fend for themselves. Thank you for the idea!
Oh my god! I feel you so much!!!
My boyfriend’s mum just constantly drives me crazy!!! And I know how you feel! Powerless and exhausted…!
Me and my bf live with his mother (hope not for long!) and I just sometimes feel like jumping from the bridge… 
Alcohol used to help me to cope, because then I didn’t care at all. The problem is that I didn’t care about anything. Even about things I should have to… Now, I’m not drinking and I must cope somehow… Sometimes it’s really hard and then I talk to my boyfriend. What keeps me away from not to get totally mad is the hope that we’ll eventually move and then I will finally have my peace 
Until then I just talk because it’s the only way how to release my feelings and anger. I also sometimes feel sorry for my bf because I know it’s his mother and I am his girlfriend and he loves us both but what can I do? The sky can’t be always blue…
Anyway. If I am in your situation I would definitelly ask my bf / husband to talk to his parents. Because they might have no idea how rude their behaviour actually is. Unfortunatelly, communication, no matter how unpleasant, is the only way how sort things out. And it’s important to do it as soon as possible otherwise later they won’t understand why things which were working before can’t suddenly work anymore. The best is to talk immediately once a problem appears.
Good luck!! 
Thank you- it’s nice to know others struggle with this too. I did talk to my husband this morning- yesterday I was so mad I thought I better sleep on it. We both agreed that doing our day as planned is best. It’s really his siblings who do this the most. His mom lives with us and we get along really well.
It has helped being able to talk about it on here. I will also try to remember that this is one day- not everyday!
Wow, this is incredibly presumptuous and unthoughtful, especially now!! I would tell them after much consideration we decided with covid we just cannot have all of you here this year. It seriously is not too late. If that doesn’t feel do able …and seriously, they should know better!!!..then let them know the time that works for YOU and what to bring.
YOU set the time, YOU tell them what to bring. Have a dessert and coffee get together. They bring desserts, you supply coffee. Have your husband call and let them know. They can certainly rustle up some desserts.
Geez, that is too much!
Definitely! Stick to your guns. Totally reasonable.
Then if they arrive at 6pm they will be able to hp clear up 
Hey @Sunflower1, I feel you on this one. I had something similar with my husbands family last Christmas. In the end I just put my foot down, you do what you want to do and stuff em! Boundaries, once put in place, are amazing! You will feel so empowered once you start using boundaries. They are taking liberties. At this time with covid, it’s best you all keep your distance. I’d defo say no visitors due to the pandemic. Just make sure you do what YOU want to do 
Haha Sassy you’ve lost your cool a tiny bit!, first time I see this happen you’re always so serene 
great advise though! Hope it works out well, no one needs this kinda stress!
Oh lord, you have no idea!! 
But I will for sure take that compliment.
I hear you. Maybe for next year, at some point, have a conversation about it with your husband and let him know you want a Thanksgiving you will enjoy? It’s not just about his family having fun. You should get to enjoy your holiday too!
Wow congratulations on 15 years quite some time !!! I really wish you the best since you went ahead and plans are set for thanksgiving next year just communicate with hubby let him know how you really feel and see what can be done the next thanksgiving or holidays coming around hope this helps happy early thanksgiving
Thanks to everyone who took time to respond. Communication is key, and this time I didn’t do it. Plans are set, I will get through it and hopefully enjoy it, and I will make sure next year is different!
You’re a good lady! I hope you enjoy the day!
I hope you have a wonderful holiday!