My gf and I moved away from Atlanta last October, a place that’s my hometown and been a traumatic mess all the same. I moved away once before in my early-mid 20’s and it gave me a chance to really grow as a woman.
I’ve been so much happier here in Florida. It’s certainly not that same vibe but my spirit is at peace and that’s not something I often feel in my hometown.
While I miss my community so dearly and I miss my work office tbh - working from home is awesome and it sucks. I don’t have children and I don’t get out nearly as much since my vision changes so I’m often bored stupid without my work friends. But (big but) I feel like I’m still warming up to Florida and Im excited to continue to explore and I made some friends :). Also my grandmas here and I just feel like you can’t beat that.
She wants to go back… I can think of so many pros and so many cons.
I don’t feel ready. Im not at peace going back knowing my sobriety is fickle. I feel stronger but not by that much and I don’t want to compromise the most important aspect of my life. It’s also easier to live in Florida because the roads are flat and there’s less light pollution so I can drive at night.
She’s finishing her degree in Georgia and has valid concerns about instate tuition. I have valid concerns about not wanting to be in a place that’s triggering on so many levels. We left because we both wanted to go and now she’s had a change of heart. I could see myself going back but not after we just moved and not before I’m ready.
I truly love her but I feel this decision might be the end of us.
That’s a tough one. To me it sounds like you are in a good place and upheaval would be the worst decision for you. If she needs to go I’d let her and if it was meant to be you’ll reconnect in the future when the time is right for you if you decide Georgia is where you want to settle down.
This is the most sober I’ve ever been in my life as well as in any relationship. It feels right to ask these hard questions and put sobriety first. I love her so it’s difficult to sit back and reflect objectively. Thank you for your advice
She’s walking this sobriety journey with me because she knows how much reaching my 1 year mark means to me. We’ve both been sober for over 8 months.
She’s been pursuing her degree for many years and I want to continue to encourage her to graduate. I walk across the stage this May. Since we met 2 years ago she’s found new motivation of her own to not give up. And less debt is a for sure help.
This is the energy and connection I don’t want to give up on. Thank you so much for pointing that out.
It hasn’t been very long since you moved to Florida. In my experience, there can be a settling in period and moving remorse can be a thing. Maybe discuss revisiting ‘the moving discussion’ in a few more months (or time period that feels right to you both)? Assuming there isn’t something time sensitive to her request. And if she needs to be in GA for awhile for her degree, maybe that is an option as well.
Also, 8 months of sobriety is really great work for you both. And it is still IMHO definitely still the period to be nurturing and babying your fledgling sobriety. It sounds like Florida feels safer sobriety wise for you both…I wouldn’t underestimate the importance of that.
Plus…Gramma being nearby As a Grammie, I know this is big.
Honest and loving discussions about concerns and needs are healthy.
I will. Thank you for always contributing to my concerns and thoughts. You’ve been a huge part of my journey in helping me recognize how to be a better version of myself. The version I want to be
Since writing this post my girlfriend and I have talked a lot about the future and our relationship. It’s been tough, I’ve been melancholy these past few weeks. She’s been in a similar place.
I couldn’t handle the idea of moving back to Georgia and the pressure was becoming overwhelming. Its become harder and harder to be present when we both struggle with unspoken thoughts.
This hasn’t been the only obstacle in our relationship. Today we decided that it’s just not meant to be.
On one end I stood up for my values and the way I want to continue to live my life. On the other I’m also losing a friend and partner that I genuinely love. I’m feeling conflicted because I’m both sad and relieved.
Oh Earth, sorry to hear this but my goodness if you and your partner’s sobriety didn’t shine through in how you came to that decision and how you are handling it. Please let us support you thru this rough time.
Oh Earth, I appreciate you sharing that tough update. I am sorry there is an unraveling and the pain that entails. Your love for each other and for your selves always shines thru. We are here for you.
Thank you so much. I am working on honesty, with myself and the people around me. Asking for help has always been really hard but I went to my doctor yesterday and talked about some of my health concerns. She asked me frankly “How long have you been depressed?”
I responded almost on autopilot “Since I lost my vision in 2020.” I never correlated those feelings of apathy with being depressed. It’s been hard to escape that feeling since I’m still struggling to find a solution.
She really helped and mentioned with substance abuse and depression that there are treatment options. She asked me to think about it.
I do love her so much. And she truly loves me too. Yesterday we talked for a long time and she said there’s something I really need to do for my mental health and well-being. And half-jokingly said in 2 years call me when you get your shit together. I learned that she too struggles with depression. And it made a lot of sense. Just two sad jellybeans in a bunch not even really noticing each others pain yet trying to move forward together.
I just sat there and cried thinking about how long I’ve been struggling and the relief it felt to be encouraged.
I’m so glad you feel inspired. Honestly I take some ownership but it’s her. She’s the most grounded person I’ve ever met. She’s a sociology major.
She’s walking this sober journey with me and I’m so proud of her. It has opened her eyes to her own abusive habits.
In a recent conversation she told me she wasn’t going back to Georgia despite the tuition. She’s going home to Seattle to be with her family. She’s been away for many years. I cried and told her that I’m so proud of her, I know in my heart that’s where she’s supposed to be.
Our inner light is so bright yet they shine in different directions. I’m happy to follow mine and I hope one day that they lead us back together. After we heal.
This is such a pure example of love …of self and of each other. You both have so much to be proud of and to look forward to. It sounds like you both need that grounding of ‘home’ for now. We can gain so much sustenance there. Sending light and love and strength out to you and your beloved. Hard choices, even the ‘right’ ones, still can hurt.
