# Honestly, I'm doing great
**URL:** https://talkingsober.com/t/honestly-im-doing-great/146979
**Category:** Life in Recovery
**Created:** [July 13, 2022, 1:43pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/honestly-im-doing-great/146979 "2022-07-13T13:43:04Z")
**Posts on this page:** 4
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Ren](https://talkingsober.com/u/Ren)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2022, 1:43pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/honestly-im-doing-great/146979/1 "2022-07-13T13:43:05Z")
My very first thought this morning before I even opened my eyes. was about alcohol. My man’s alarm went off and the first thought that came to my mind “If I use cash to buy a tallboy, he won’t know, and it’s like it never happened.” Seriously so damn ANNOYING. About a month ago I had to reset my counter bc I had two tall boys, due to some drama that happened and I wanted them to relax. Unfortunately I can’t do that like normal people lol but yeah besides the slip up, and besides the constant arguing in my head about drinking alcohol im actually doing really good. Down here in the south with my man traveling for his work. I took time off work to refocus on myself and my growth, I am very fortunate to have the option of not working. I’ve been so-so on journaling, but I’ve been pretty consistent about working out and hitting the trails EVERY MORNING. I have also dropped weight which is super good but also kind of hard for me bc this might be tmi but I have struggled with anorexia and bulimia in the past, as I’m sure a lot of people on here have, it’s very common in our day and age. So it’s nice that I’m dropping weight but I’m also seeing myself getting obsessed with it and not fueling my body enough so I need to keep an eye on that. But honestly I’ve been really great, slowly but surely seeing the results of the hard work.
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### Author:  [@Matt](https://talkingsober.com/u/Matt)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2022, 1:58pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/honestly-im-doing-great/146979/2 "2022-07-13T13:58:07Z")
Welcome back @Ren! 👋 it’s good to see you again.
I’m glad you’re safe and sound. It sounds like you’ve been reflecting on who you want to be, and what part of you might be clinging to old escape / avoidance routes, and what that part of you is doing. (It’s in all of us: at some point when we were younger, we developed a part of us, an identity, which runs away, into the addiction. It’s an isolating, numbing, escaping part of us. It’s troubling; it’s a challenging part of our identity, as we work to grow past it. I’ve been working on that myself too. I’ve come to understand that I can’t erase the Hiding Matt. He’ll always be part of my history, and he remains filed away in my mind. But I work to let him go. I am “retiring” him; I will be giving him a retirement ceremony this summer. I’m not running or escaping any more; I don’t need to. He can live in retirement now while I grow other parts of me.)
Re: eating disorders, that is something that comes up often, and there’s some really good threads here on that. Check out these two for example. You are not alone:
> [@Stella's Cracked Looking Glass \*\*\* Trigger Warning ED \*\*\*](https://talkingsober.com/t/stellas-cracked-looking-glass-trigger-warning-ed/124417):
>
> I have decided to document this journey in a thread. After entering my meal on the foodie’s thread and then sitting down and mindfully eating through tears, many thoughts and feelings were coming up. I think sharing this could be valuable to others, and if not, then at least therapeutic for me. Anyways I will start with a bit of a back story… I grew up in a family of women with disordered eating. It has been passed down through the generations. From my grandmother to my mother to me. Maybe ev…
> [@Ed frustrations and family \*trigger warning](https://talkingsober.com/t/ed-frustrations-and-family-trigger-warning/130126):
>
> So for as long as I can remember my mom has been on a diet. I remember as a little girl my mom saying oh I can’t eat that or that will make me fat if I eat that. She talked about weight my entire life. Loosing it, being afraid to gain it. When I was 14 I started to have the same fears. I was full blown anorexic by 15. I was 5’7, 96 pounds and hospitilized because I fainted working out in my room. I would work out 2 hours a day and heavily restricted food. My weight normalized in college when I l…
Take care and don’t give up Ren. Choose what you want and who you want to be, and trust in her, nurture her, be kind to her, encourage her, believe in her. She is in you. She is you. You can be the person you are, the full person, not hiding, not silencing, but fully present, for yourself and for the people you love.
You belong and you matter, no matter what.
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### Author:  [@Ren](https://talkingsober.com/u/Ren)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2022, 2:34pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/honestly-im-doing-great/146979/3 "2022-07-13T14:34:39Z")
Thank you so much for those kind words ❤❤❤ You’re amazing !
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### Author:  [@Its\_me\_Stella](https://talkingsober.com/u/Its_me_Stella)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2022, 5:46am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/honestly-im-doing-great/146979/4 "2022-07-14T05:46:15Z")
Welcome back, I’m glad you’re here.
🧡 🌱 💫