Hey guys! Day 2 of sobriety, and I’m feeling very optimistic. I work a second job serving at a bar/restaurant (very triggering), but after getting off last night, for the first time in almost a month, I didn’t stay for a drink, even when it was offered. So that was a huge step for me. BUT I’m having some conflicting opinions from some co-workers/friends. I don’t drink “every day” per say, but when I do, I almost always over indulge (binge drink), and I always use drinking as a coping mechanism, and have since I was 17 (I’m now 29). I’ve been told by several people, “you’re not an alcoholic, you don’t have a problem, enjoying yourself every so often isn’t a big deal” etc. and it’s starting to make me feel as though I really don’t have a “problem”. I’m still going to stay on this sobriety journey, because I want to continue enjoying life sober and continue enjoying every moment I have with my kiddos. But I wanted the honest opinion of others in this community as to what you all consider an “alcoholic” or a “problem drinker”, and really just some assurance that I’m not wrong or crazy for feeling like I do have a problem.
I’m no expert and am very new to recovery but I’ve even had a therapist tell me I didn’t have an addiction because it wasn’t a daily thing. She was wrong. If it feels like a problem to you, then it is. Likely those people are saying that because if you have a problem then they’d have to admit that they have the same problem - they have to deny yours so they can continue to deny their own. Trust your instincts and great job on your first days!
I appreciate that
I just find it somewhat hard to continue acknowledging my problem, when others tell me I don’t have a problem at all. I’ve seen how supportive this community is, so I figured I could get my reassurance here. Thank you so much!
Hun the fact that you are thinking of sobriety means there is a problem I also used to think I didn’t have a problem because I considered myself a “binge drinker” when I went out with friends to bars/clubs but blacking out and drinking like that is not normal just because you don’t drink every night doesn’t mean you don’t have a problem I never drank every night I planned my drinking around social events, my job, but when I drink I needed to drink lots and realized I did have a problem with alcohol I also think maybe you need to look for a job where alcohol isn’t present.
In my experience, if you are asking the question, it is definitely worth exploring. Also, in my experience, the voices of “you don’t have a problem” or “it’s no big deal” is my inner alcoholic justifying drinking.
Hi! I’m very similar to yourself, I started drinking at 17 and now 29, I started off socially and then used it for altering my mood. Weekends got out of control every weekend for years, I couldn’t really see it too as just thought it was because I have so many friends and constantly with different friendship groups but it wasn’t normal drinking so much and so often. For me it definitely wasn’t normal as I can’t control my life properly with it, others said the same as what you’ve had said to you but they don’t see the after effects of drink.
It was the end of last year I just faced up with myself the unhappiness and unhealthy life I was living, genuinely fed up of it all. 133 days now and I can’t tell you how much better life is in sober eyes. Not always easy but definitely better sticking sober.
I’d advise you to ask yourself if your living your life to the maximum of your potential and are genuinely happy? Other people don’t matter it’s all about you and being honest with yourself. If you do decide to stay sober not everyone will understand but that doesn’t matter, people get used to it don’t worry
I appreciate all the kind words, and the fact that you all are so understanding. I began drinking socially when I was 17, and it got progressively worse after graduating high school, to the point I would finish a fifth of liquor and some beer in a night and blackout 4-5 nights a week. It affected my life significantly. I could only hold a job for a maximum of maybe 2 months before I’d no call no show from being too hungover, then get fired. It wasn’t until I got pregnant with my son when I was 20, that I stopped. I believe every single day he saved my life. But even after having him, I would still go out monthly and go back to the same over indulging behavior, and feel like complete shit for it the next day.
I just feel like because I was an alcoholic at such a young age (which I’ve had some people say is “normal teenage behavior”), that I’ll always be a “recovering addict”, and I’m finally coming to that realization and want to continue recovering instead of falling back into the same behavior.
Well, even though you don’t drink often there’s a problem when you do. You are in excess, and that’s alcoholic behavior. You may be high functioning , - still pay bills and responsible- but one day your drinking time will become more often and you’ll continue to justify it. Stay on recovery row and god bless.
Totally agree here! If you think it’s a problem it’s a problem. I was an everyday drinker people thought I didn’t have an issue because they didn’t see it and I was highly functional but it was a problem to me and it wrecked my health. Also right on with most people will say it’s not an issue so they don’t have to face their own issue. I’m now just over a year sober and I feel better than I have in a real long time. Stick to your guns and stay strong.
Don’t let other people tell you about yourself. YOU know the answer to your question.
If you decide it isn’t a problem, remember it is a progressive thing, so sick around for a few years and then see how bad it is, or just kick Satan’s piss out of your life today and see what sobriety brings.
I spent a lot of time having after shift drinks in restaurants that I worked in. I know that it is hard to get sober in a restaurant. Your friends and co-workers are probably telling you that your drinking isn’t a big deal because they want you to continue drinking with them. Listen to your heart, if it feels problematic change it up. You have nothing to lose, except some drinking buddies. As for the gains… a clear head is worth it. Best of luck.
I have lived this before.
When I was about your age I wanted to quit drinking. I lived with my aunt at the time and we were drinking buddies. She was constantly telling me I wasn’t an alcoholic and it’s okay to drink. She accused me of being snobby towards her because I was sober and she wasn’t. I never felt I acted that way. She made feel bad for wanting to be sober. I only survived six months of sobriety while living with her, I caved to the verbal attacks and went back to drinking. She actually told me how much she loves drunk me when I started drinking.Now 18 years later my drinking is a major health problem and it has been difficult maintaining sobriety. I’m currently 53 days the longest sober time I’ve had since the time I lived with my aunt.
Do what you want to do with your life. Don’t let others talk you out of sobriety.
Enjoy being sober, it’s truly amazing.
I promise you, you are not wrong or crazy. You are definitely not wrong
People who haven’t lived with addiction don’t understand what it means to have this alternate brain take over and drive you to keep going, too far. They don’t understand and - no disrespect intended - I don’t think they ever will. (That’s the reason why sobriety sites and sobriety groups are necessary. People in these spaces understand.)
In many ways addiction recovery is a blessing. Alcohol - or any addicting substance or behaviour really - takes time. When we choose to live grounded and healthy in our lives - when we choose to live sober - we are gaining time, that we can use for things that are fulfilling: activities, self-care, family, etc etc.
Drinking / using is never fulfilling. It truly isn’t. (At times we may have thought it was, but it’s usually just something else, that we can get without the booze or the behaviour. For example, there are many people to socialize with at many different places that aren’t bars & that don’t focus on booze.)
So when we choose to live healthy and functional (sober), we get a big deposit in our “time bank account”. It’s like winning the lottery of time, so we can choose to explore new, fulfilling things.
You’re not wrong and you’re definitely not crazy. Keep it up and you’ll see it for yourself, and gradually you’ll gain confidence
I agree with every word you all are saying! I’m definitely going to continue this journey, and I’m actually enjoying being sober so far. My fiancé and I went to get tattoos for Friday the 13th and had to wait 2 hours, so we went to a bar and grill to get some food to go. We sat at the bar to order our food, and while we waited, he ordered a beer and I gladly just ordered a water. I was really proud of myself! Today is going to be the real test though. I play co-ed volleyball, and it’s always one of my excuses to drink. But I feel like I have enough will power not to. Feeling good on day 3
Don’t let others talk you out of sobriety.
