This was me to a T. It’s one thing to know you have a problem, it’s another to accept it. Took me forever to accept it, even though I was desperate to do so. I consider myself very lucky, as so many struggle with this first step. Thanks for posting this. This is a great thread.
3 Likes
I get this 100%. Took me forever for it all to ‘click’ and really turn the corner. I credit this community and the support to a great deal of that.
2 Likes
Was it easy to quit? No, not really. That first week, I had conversations with myself everyday, “just start tomorrow” - it was a mental struggle every hour of everyday that first week.
Was it easy being an active alcoholic? No, not at all. The physical hell I put my body though, the lying I did in order to maintain my drinking, the hell I put my wife through, that was a lot of work.
Both paths were hard, but chosing sobriety was the path that made life easier in the long run.
I went through the stage of knowing I had a problem but not really wanting to quit.
At this point, I was drinking on average 6 days a week.
I would quit for 3 or 4 days then pick up again. Maybe I’d try again in 4 or 5 weeks down the road.
I found my attempts to quit only happened after a bad hangover. Which, I now realize that, when a bad hangover is your only motivation to quit, you will only be motivated when your hungover.
My first real attempt, when I knew I had a drinking problem and I was ready to do something about it, I found this app and this community. Though, I didn’t really listen to what this community was telling me, I was just interested in counting days. I relapsed for about 5 months. Uninstalled the app and basically told myself I’d die an alcoholic.
Then one morning, Saturday Sept. 21 2018, I woke up and said “enough”. I reinstalled the app, re-joined the community, listened to what they said and did what they suggested. Been sober since.
14 Likes
I set my intention after a black out night and within the week relapsed twice. I thought my intention would be enough to cover me but it wasn’t. My first relapse I intended on having a beer to test myself and drank everything in the fridge. My second relapse was a bottle of wine I bought to gift to my brother. I think I always knew I was going to drink it.
These taught me two things: I can’t stop when I start and I can’t keep my brands/tastes in the house. I operated under the “I can’t” thoughts for a long time. This was hard but necessary. I can’t stroll down the wine aisle while shopping. I can’t meet a friend for dinner because I don’t trust myself. I don’t go to AA but I’ve read some of their literature and I think this is where people usually leave before the miracle happens.
If you can get through the “I can’t” phase you can get to the “I don’t” phase and this phase gave me goosebumps as I type.
I don’t drink anymore so I know the drama that lurks behind that one sip. I don’t drink anymore so I have time to work on goals and save for dreams. I don’t drink anymore which makes room for my self worth. Use whatever tools are at your disposal (meetings, literature, massive amounts of distracting TV, anything but your DOC) to jump from “I can’t” to “I don’t”. I know that a full bore ugly relapse lurks just around the corner after my first drink so I never have that first drink. It is out of my control after that. I can control the effort and time I put into sobriety and my avoidance of that first sip. That is all. Excellent topic. This was very therapeutic to type out.
11 Likes
Oh this is so wise of you to say!! Took me forever. It was a big shift for me changing my mindset from that I was depriving myself to I was caring for myself. As with so much of sobriety and recovery…and life too…it is all a learning experience. 
6 Likes
Honestly I get goosebumps every time I think of that shift. Once the “I can’t” changes to “I don’t have to”. My brain finds peace there.
8 Likes
Thanks for your words, at the moment i feel somewhere between the ‘i cant’ and ‘i dont’
2 Likes
This too is a very welcome experience of sobriety. 
And sought after for so very very long.
1 Like
I literally reset my timer 20 times before I really did it
1 Like
I’ve reset so many times that I really don’t want to talk about it nor think about it.
But you know what? I don’t think how many unsuccessful attempts should matter as long as I don’t give up and finally get to where I need and want to be.
5 Likes
This is great!
For me it was the shift from “I can’t function without this” to “I don’t need this crap in my life, I just don’t have to do it anymore”
2 Likes
About 4 years of wanting sobriety and not following through… The Last year was filled with the most horrific and traumatic relapses. I said enough is enough and actually got help through AA and going to meetings. Humble yourself and find help. Everyone I know in my program thought they could do it alone and failed.
Someone once said to me “you can’t be too dumb for AA but you can be too smart for AA”. You can’t think your way through addiction.
Don’t be me and fail for 5 years, especially when you are here and there is so many people that give great advice.
2 Likes
Made it 24 hours! Everyone’s responses have been so inspiring and helpful. I can’t thank you all enough and every one of you have given me something to think about and make me feel like I can do this too.
6 Likes
Honestly i think i struggled with relapsing for about 1-2 years of being a member of this forum before i gained any real time in recovery. I was a chronic relapser. About every 3 days id cave. And then eventually, i started taking things even more seriously realizing that i had to go to ANY lengths to get clean. Took suggestions from those on here and really worked on challenging my addictive thinking. I ended up getting 20 days clean or so before a relapse (which was huge for me) and now i am just over 11 months clean.
Getting clean and sober can be hard but definitly not impossible. Your not alone with ur struggles. Keep coming back and keeping reminding urself of why u want to quit. Dont let that addictive thinking fool u and try to convince u that u need it for whatever reason. Its all a lie that our minds tell us. Come on here first before u pick up so that we can help u thru it 
u CAN do it!
5 Likes
I had several short quits, more to prove I could quit whenever I wanted, than to actually live sober. Always left the door open a crack, to resume drinking. The problem was that each time I went back to it, it was worse.
When I chose my bottom, and then decided “never again”, really meaning it…it wasn’t difficult.
I say that in retrospect. It felt difficult in the moment, those first few days and weeks. But, as each sober day led to the next, it seemed easier. The truth is, it wasn’t getting easier. I was just getting stronger, clearer, healthier. More at peace that the drinking part of my life was behind me, if I wanted it to be behind me. And I wanted it to be. I have never wavered in that, never wished I could drink again.
11 Likes
First I relapsed everyday, then I’d make it to 2 then 3. I probably lived in that space for a few months before I stayed sober for a few weeks. I relapsed every 3 weeks for a while, then I made it to a few months. In my 4 year journey I’ve relapsed often. Once I made it to 11 months and had a drink and toke and not just once but it really hurt me. Now on episode… maybe 29 of Jessica will be sober for a year I’m at 8 months no drugs no alcohol.
It’s pure willpower and support that makes you stronger. It can be hard my friend but just know you’re not alone. Keep coming back to ask questions. Stay proud of each minute, they add up.
6 Likes
Keep with it. You need to go through the grit before you get to the gold. I believe in you friend.
2 Likes
This is how I feel too. Once I’d decided I was going to stop I was relieved. I’ve never wanted a drink. I changed my mindset after reading a couple of books and this forum. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complacent, I still do things to support my sobriety and understand that the demon is still waiting. He’ll be waiting a long time 
6 Likes
I didn’t get a solid feeling of confidence until about a year. Anything before 6 months was touch a go but I did all the right things to keep myself sober. The biggest mistake people make is thinking about time as success, most of those folks do relapse and say “I don’t know what happened”. If you aren’t actively learning on how to live sober, through reading, meetings, therapy, physical exercise, support groups or support networks of friends, then you really gotta ask yourself, what are you doing? Thinking about sobriety? Using your “will”? Lemme tell ya, that doesn’t work. If you find yourself sitting in your home watching TV or sitting alone struggling thinking about your addiction, what are you actively doing to be sober?? Just not using your DOC is hardly sobriety, it’s just not using your DOC and while that’s a start, you are highly likely to mentally relapse before you even pick up your DOC.
8 Likes
All very true!
2 Likes