I need help I relapsed 3 months ago shortly after my 2 years and now I’m back in the full swing of addiction where it left me off last time .. I really wish I didn’t pick back up cuz now it’s so hard to get back out… I’m trying it on my own… it’s nearly impossible with temptation knocking at my door… so maybe detox and treatment.. with my job I’m afraid they just wouldn’t be too cool on the idea that I am an addict and I’m right back at it… seeing the look of worry and despair on my mother’s face today I can never forget it has burned into my memory cells forever…. Damn it how can I come back home come back on the other side where life wasn’t easy but it was much more simpler than the chaos and destort that addiction has to offer… in 2 hours is my birthday I’ll be 32… my desperate wish is that I gain a better perspective of self awareness and reflection and just not pick up… I don’t wanna die this way Lord please have mercy on my soul…. Can somebody save me me from myself? Only I have the power but yet I just feel so alone and lost in the darkness I’m not sure which way is out….
Welcome to TS we’re all here for you! 
added: and happy birthday 
Hey Kayla.
Welcome.
Addiction is to powerful to beat on our own. We all need some kind of support. This app has been a great support for me in my sobriety. And I go to AA meetings.
My first thought when I read your post was…. “That would be an awesome share at an AA meeting.” I know you would be welcome with opened arms. I always hear when people go back out it gets harder and harder to sober up.
You don’t have to live this way anymore.
Have a good read around.
Oh an happy birthday. That would be a pretty cool sober date. Having it on your real birthday. Twice as much cake.
Hope to see you around.
Happy birthday.
I’m sorry you have to go trough all this again, but I’m glad you are here. I had a relapse too years ago (alcohol) and managed to get back sober again and I hope you can do that too. How?
I think deep down we all know what to do. I hope you will find the strenght to do so. This street has a dead end, you need that U turn. Addiction is like a radio. When you get sober it’s like you put the radio out with the volume on. When you put the radio back on the music starts as loud as where you left it. I would like to have comforting words for you, but I’m just as worried as you. You have to give it your all to change the outcome.
Maybe this is helpfull for you:
All the best, Claudia 
Welcome. How did you quit before? Did you join any programs? If not then give NA or SMART or Recovery Dharma a try. If you have, either go back and throw yourself even more deeply into it, or see if there is any outpatient program you could try. If not, maybe detox and treatment is the way. If you are back using, it is probably only a matter of time before work realises anyway, better to bite the bullet and do what you can now.
And happy birthday for tomorrow (today now?). You can make the next 32+ years ones full of peace and clarity and energy if you wish.
Welcome Kayla Glad u found us! Happy birthday also!!!
I can relate to ur story very much. I had 3 years clean and then went back out, for unfortunately many more years. It feels hard to get out of the grips of addiction again, but its not impossible.
What did u do when u got clean for those 2
years? Maybe revisiting those steps, would help to bring some clarity.
For me, I had to put recovery first, before everything else. Detox and rehab are a great idea!! Do u have to tell ur work exactly ur situation? Could u just ask for a medical leave or stress leave etc? Maybe ur Dr could provide a letter stating in general terms that u need time off work? 12 step meetings, in person or online are great also! Checking in here daily is also very helpful. Get back to the basics of recovery and do something each day to better ur life and gain sobriety. Get back to deleting phone numbers and distancing urself from people that use. Get back to reading recovery literature or starting ur day off with a morning recovery routine. Whatever it is that u did to get to those 2 years, do it again 
You can pull urself out of this I believe in you. And we are all here to help!
this is what i would do, and give yourself a break. you made a mistake. but what do we do when we make mistakes? we make ‘em right if we can. go and deal with it, the sooner you do the sooner you’ll be feeling better 
i can relate