I’m sorry you have to go trough all this again, but I’m glad you are here. I had a relapse too years ago (alcohol) and managed to get back sober again and I hope you can do that too. How?
I think deep down we all know what to do. I hope you will find the strenght to do so. This street has a dead end, you need that U turn. Addiction is like a radio. When you get sober it’s like you put the radio out with the volume on. When you put the radio back on the music starts as loud as where you left it. I would like to have comforting words for you, but I’m just as worried as you. You have to give it your all to change the outcome.
Maybe this is helpfull for you:
All the best, Claudia 