Everytime something goes wrong, I use pornography as an escape, I need to stop, it’s messing with my work and social life, I try so many things to overcome this disease, but it’s hard
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I drank when shit was awful, I drank when things were great. I also drank when things were just okay and when I accomplished something. I drank simply because I could.
Addiction is a motherfucker, and when you get the attachment to your DOC you stop growing and learning how to cope with life on lifes terms.
There are many here who share your same affliction, type pornography addict or addiction into the search bar and start reading and relating. You’re not alone on this and there are people who understand.
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Thanks, will do
If you are working some type of recovery program I suggest that you get a commitment in a meeting that you go to…being of service to others is a productive way to get out of self and it helps to be around other people with the same affliction as yourself
You could start with some reading about what is happening to you and your brain when you watch porn. It is most likely something that you never thought about. I think once you get some understanding of what is going on it might help. Then try 90 days no PM but only worry about it one day at a time.
Also find another outlet for your stress. A lot of people exercise instead.
Think about the industry and what it is doing to those people. @DungeonMaster posted this article:
Try to figure out why you are do this other than the obvious relief. Change your habits and routine. For me it was ritualistic. Same time every day but then it grows.
Maybe go to therapy with someone who specializes in this issue. Or find an SA meeting. It is a little uncomfortable at first but you will find people struggling with the same things.
Also keep coming back here. Check in and read. There is great support and motivation.
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Thanks @Rayrock! I may not recommend that specific article for newcomers to sobriety. That being said, fight the new drug has a lot of great articles on fighting pornography use.
@jrmmar I’d recommend taking things a day at a time, just as rayrock said. Develop a new routine. I also recommend beginning some method of rooting out the source of the addiction. What led you to the point you’re at?
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I just realised one of the the causes(not that I’m passing blame, I’m in this position because of my choices), but from what I’ve noticed today, when things don’t go my way, I tend to use porn as an escape, or a way to forget the current issue. I realised that right now when my fiancée and I seem to have a difference of views on a certain subject, and as much as I love her, the first thing I did was type in the Web address of my go to porn site, I didn’t hit enter, I just closed the browser, walked away… But the point is I use it as a way to escape from reality, when I feel stressed or upset about something, so now I’ve got to work on that, finding another way to diffuse the way I feel when stressful or uneasy feelings enter my mind…
To all those who have commented, I just want to say, thank you for being supportive and understanding.
There’s a start. Keep working out the roots of the addiction. If you dont kill the roots of a weed, it’s just going to return.
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Identifying roots and triggers was key for me. I made lists of what to do when I felt frustrated or like I would act out. A big reason I acted out was to change the way I felt, so I identified other ways I could do that instead of something harmful.
It sounds like you’re doing a good job of being present to yourself and identifying causes and triggers, keep that up and see what you can learn about yourself!
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Yes, removing roots are important… Does this mean acknowledging when I first started?
Or is acknowledging what triggers the desire?
Yeah so far, that is, if I’m being honest, everytime I said I’ll stop, I’d go right back on a website and watch it one last time… So I’m glad I didn’t
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One thing to keep in mind is that craving and urges last 1 to 10 minutes on average, IF you shift your attention. Take a walk, call a friend, read something inspiring, fix a snack, etc. And stay in this one day at a time: obsessing over a future you can’t see or control is a losing game.
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I recommend some form of a program. Take an inventory of your life. It’s a 4th step type idea. Acknowledge everything that you did sexually that led to the abuse of sexuality.
My addiction is different than yours but under the same umbrella. I played that game with myself for a long time… I won’t talk to him again. I’ll block his number…after one more time. I found the day when I decided there could be no more times very liberating.
I have gone to some SA meetings and while I am not officially working the steps, there is definitely something to learn from them. Recognizing that people who that hit rock bottom have successfully turned their lives around by following the program is a powerful thing. So even if you don’t work the steps you can learn about them and reflect on them.
To paraphase the first step: We admit that we were powerless and our lives had become unmanageable.
Sounds like you are there.
Also, you may want to look up practicing mindfulness. I think it helps when the urges come.
One of the most difficult things for me is changing yourself when everything else around you stays the same. I always felt like if I moved or found another job things would magically change. However, I recognized that even changing small things around me like habits or finding distractions (exercise, hobby, etc) has helped a lot.
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