I’m a mess. My mind is moving too quickly for me to keep up. I haven’t had a job for over a month now. I don’t feel productive unless I’m earning money and working the traditional 9-5. I hate this feeling. I have had so many interviews and none of them successful. I am a volunteer for many organisations but nothing takes up my whole day like a usual job would. I have hobbies but nothing makes me feel fulfilled.
My old boss said if I had stayed at his company I’d be a team leader by now. I told him that I did the best I could at the time and that was the best decision for me. I can’t change the past. He told me about a friend I had who works there and she is acting team leader now. I felt worse. But I reached out to her and congratulated her. She made me feel bad about not staying in touch and I even apologised and said I didn’t have a job and was struggling, but, she had my phone number, why didn’t she contact me?
I cried a lot. My eyes were swollen and I was shaking. I feel embarassed that I don’t have a job and can’t find one. Why can’t I just relax and sit back and enjoy being unemployed. Why do I care what anyone thinks about a gap on my resume.
I hate that this stuff stays in my mind. Why! Why can’t I not let it affect me?? Why do I keep thinking about it? Why do I expect people to be kind and mindful towards me??
I’m still sober. I’m freaking proud. But I want other people to be proud of me too. Why am I chasing this acceptance and acknowledgenent. Why am I not enough for me.
Woooh!!! Looks like you really having a hard time.
I can say only one thing to you,
It is hard to accept but truth. You cannot make anyone to feel proud about you. It’s impossible. Accept it.
Your near and dear will always love you regardless of your situation. And remaining people, fuck there opinion. You cannot do anything with there mind unless you are charles xavier of X Men.
But you can change your thoughts about you. Live like a boss untill you proud yourself.
This job thing will definitely go but this time will not come again. So just relax and chill.
I love that you volunteer. Tell me something positive about that. Life is energy. You are creating good karma by helping others. Perhaps your focus would be better served on changing your perception. Don’t waste your energy on beating yourself up or laying around with self pitty. You have your sobriety. That means you have control of your life. You are currently just chosing to see the negative. That is a choice. Life will care for you in the long run if you use your energy for good and positivity. Consider a new focus. Perhaps easier said than done, yet what is the alternative?
Good point. Something positive about my volunteering is that I always look forward to it. I care about the people and the mission of the organisations I do volunteering for. It feels good. Ofcourse I wish I had more shifts or so much volunteer work that it takes up my whole day. But see, I’m doing that negative thing again. Thank you. I just need to focus on positives. Choosing negatives is like self sabotage. I will focus on the fact that I have control over my life and that I’m sober.
It staying in your mind is a natural consequence of how the brain works. It stands out to you and hurts because it touches something important to you. We feel what we feel, and that can’t really be changed. What can be changed, though, is what we do about it, and how we think about it. Don’t feel bad for emotions that you have, let them be how they are, and instead maybe you can try some strategies for taking a new thought perspective on things. Gratitude lists are a common one, getting another person’s perspective (like you’re doing now) is another.
I especially find mindfulness techniques (real mindfulness, not relax-y meditation stuff) helpful, it allows me to take in and process what’s going on in my mind without being overwhelmed by having it all right in my face. Instead, it’s at an arm’s length where I can be more thoughtful and balanced in how I think about things.
I’m not explaining all of this as well as I want to, but I hope you find some usefulness in it.
I mean, you will get a job in some time. Maybe tomorrow or next week or next months. It will happen in future you have no control over it. But you got your present in your hand. You should not ruin it in self criticism.
Might want to go back and start from the beginning… why did you choose the path of sobriety… probably in some way share it form for yourself… yes others may have benefited from it… but you did it for YOU… you are the only one that needs to be proud of your accomplishments… if other people are that’s just a bonus… the ones that really care will stick around be in your corrner no matter what.
As far as your coworker dont let her twist your mind making you feel like its your fault for not keeping in touch… communication is a TWO way street… so what if you drifted apart you were coworkers or acquaintance… it happens and that is 100% ok.
As far as the job or keeping busying… well just keep trying keep applying… don’t let your OLD boss get you down who cars if you could have been a team leader you left for your reasons did what was best for you… if I didnt get out of the military if be 5 years or less to retirement… it is what it is… keep looking keep applying keep your head up… dont let other talk down to you… you know what you have to offer them if they cant see that then they probably don’t deserve your employment.
As far as filling the void of not working… worry what what you can and cant control you cant make any hire you so keep up with thecl resume keep applying bc that’s something you can control… keep doing your hobbies or projects volunteering soon enough everything will fall into place… just no giving up… only look for reassurance from YOURself… you are what matters… you got this.
The old boss… Might feel better then any employee.
The friend, feel she has a moral highground. Thats her choice.
The only thing you can do. Is look at your own characterdefects and learn how to accept them and embrace them with spiritual alternatives.
You will be able you will grow you might even find forgiveness for your old behavior.
You we’re in active use… Thsts the worst stage off the disease an addict can be in.
Honestly a lot of people right now are going to have a gap on their resume for this time period. I don’t think any future employer is going to give it a second look. The unemployment rate (for the U.S., not sure where you live so that’s what I’m going by) is currently hovering around 14%. That happened in a couple months’ time. Nothing like that has ever happened in the US before. The Unemployment rate during the great depression was about 25% but that happened over a longer period of time. To give some perspective, the unemployment rate in February was hovering around 3%. If you’re not in the U.S. know that the rest of the world is having these kinds of problems too.
I understand the embarrassment of not having a job, but it’s not your fault that the job market tanked in the last couple months. This is something you cannot control. You are doing your best, but sometimes our best won’t bring the outcome we want because there are other things happening. If leaving was the right decision for you before, then stick with it. I don’t know the reasons why you left, but I do know that the wrong job can literally dissolve your soul. And you know what? You’re right. your work ‘friend’ did have your information and she could also have reached out to you. It’s not the responsibility of only one person to keep in touch.
We all have our reasons for searching for acceptance and acknowledgement. A lot of times they can lie in our childhood. Using / drinking can cover up the pain that was caused when we were younger, the emptiness we might feel because of something unhad or unlearned in childhood, but when we’re clean/sober it’s harder to hide that and sometimes we have to dig really deep to figure out why we feel certain things. It can be a very painful experience. Some people can do that work on their own; others need a good psychologist. What matters is that you’re doing the best you can right now. You’re sober. You’re looking for a job. You’ve recognized that you’re searching for acceptance and acknowledgement outside of yourself–so now you can try to find that answer.
Life is a journey, not a destination. It’s okay that you’re not perfect. Your old boss and your work friend don’t really matter in the scheme of things, but it can take a while to learn how to genuinely feel like you don’t live to gain the acceptance of others, that what they think really doesn’t matter. Hang in there. Things will get better. Just give them time.
I wasn’t in active use at that time. I was sober then too. But I was making many changes in my life. One of them was to leave that workplace and it was the right decision. Thank you
thank you
