# How do you deal with a spouse who still drinks?
**URL:** https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855
**Category:** Life in Recovery
**Tags:** love, sober, alcohol, sobriety
**Created:** [August 26, 2022, 12:59am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855 "2022-08-26T00:59:54Z")
**Posts on this page:** 10
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Nikki84](https://talkingsober.com/u/Nikki84)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2022, 12:59am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855/1 "2022-08-26T00:59:54Z")
Hi! So I am going on 100 plus days without a drink!! I’m very proud of myself but I feel like it’s damaging marriage. My husband is still drinking, I even think he’s drinking even more then when we were drinking together. He’s going out after work and getting smashed, then comes home and talks really nasty to me. He says his biggest mistake is meeting me… This stirs up so much emotion and twice now I have thought it would be so easy just to have a drink and say fuxk it. I can’t do that I have a 9 yr old daughter and my body can’t take it. I literally will die if I start drinking again. I can’t just leave, I don’t have a full time job and we own one car he’s pretty controlling with my schedule. I’m just lost at what to do…
Has any of you dealt with staying with someone that still drinks?
I need major help!
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### Author:  [@Matt](https://talkingsober.com/u/Matt)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2022, 1:20am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855/2 "2022-08-26T01:20:19Z")
That’s awesome Nikki, congrats on the 100 days! Would love to hear more about how it’s been for you and what you were up to over the summer 😇
Sorry to hear about your husband. It’s shitty when people in our family get drunk and behave shitty to us.
I don’t have a huge amount of advice about this specifically, though I will say I think you’re doing the right thing reaching out, and you should keep it up; everything I’ve ever learned in my life and every change I’ve ever made has been because I reached out and then _did_ something. 😇
Eric @Dazercat has a great thread about living with a spouse who is still drinking:
[Are you affected by a loved one who is an addict?](https://talkingsober.com/t/are-you-affected-by-a-loved-one-who-is-an-addict/128059)
Also there is Al-Anon, which is all about living with a family member who is an alcoholic (they have in person meetings and electronic/online/phone meetings; select “Meetings” in the menu and you’ll see it):
> **[Al-Anon Family Groups](https://al-anon.org/)**
>
> Al-Anon members are people, just like you, who are worried about someone with a drinking problem.
You can do this. Keep asking, keep learning, and you’ll get it.
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### Author:  [@Matt](https://talkingsober.com/u/Matt)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2022, 1:25am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855/3 "2022-08-26T01:25:09Z")
> [@Nikki84](#):
>
> 100 plus days
You should share this on the checkin thread! Get some kudos, get some sunshine about that 😇
[Checking in daily to maintain focus #46](https://talkingsober.com/t/checking-in-daily-to-maintain-focus-46/148074)
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### Author:  [@BLOODSHOTJOKER](https://talkingsober.com/u/BLOODSHOTJOKER)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2022, 2:05am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855/4 "2022-08-26T02:05:59Z")
100 days, congrats! I look forward to that in a few weeks myself.
My wife and I never took it seriously enough to quit until it seemed to be threatening our marriage. Married 15 years in June, we were drinking every night. We agreed we owed it to each other to be the best versions of ourselves, for each other, or it wasn’t worth going on being married. That shift, or moment of clarity, was all we needed. We started being there for each other in those first couple very fragile weeks of going dry.
I had to get there though, and my wife stuck by me through some hard times, as she calls them, when I basically ignored her needs. I had to realize what a shit head I was being, and my children were a witness to it all. I had to want to fix it.
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### Author:  [@Nikki84](https://talkingsober.com/u/Nikki84)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2022, 2:09am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855/5 "2022-08-26T02:09:23Z")
How do you share it. Sorry. I haven’t used this app much but I definitely want to more!
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### Author:  [@Nikki84](https://talkingsober.com/u/Nikki84)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2022, 2:11am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855/6 "2022-08-26T02:11:09Z")
Thank you for all your info!! You rock!
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### Author:  [@Nikki84](https://talkingsober.com/u/Nikki84)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2022, 2:17am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855/7 "2022-08-26T02:17:31Z")
So happy for you and your wife. That’s great! I hope this helps you get even closer.
I have already felt so much better being more clear headed for daughter.
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### Author:  [@SassyRocks](https://talkingsober.com/u/SassyRocks)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2022, 2:34am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855/8 "2022-08-26T02:34:12Z")
Hi!
This question gets asked a lot and I asked it myself!! So yes, my spouse still drinks.
Recently someone else was asking about this…
> [@Living with another addict…](https://talkingsober.com/t/living-with-another-addict/148844/2):
>
> Hi there!! My husband still drinks and our house is filled with alcohol, so I feel you. In my early days, weeks, months, it was hard to reconcile this with my sober journey. I found a good deal of support and comfort and help here, and I hope you do as well. For myself, I had to really get that my sobriety and my feelings are my responsibility. His sobriety, or lack thereof, that is his thing. Out of my control, I had to learn to let that go. It was freeing, not having to tangle with someone e…
My answer includes a link to other topics about spouses who drink and how we deal with that and find long term sobriety. It isn’t easy and we all need to do what works for our own particular situation.
You can also do a search on spouses who drink…might give you some suggestions or help you feel less alone.
Glad you are here. ❤
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### Author:  [@Matt](https://talkingsober.com/u/Matt)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2022, 8:57am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855/9 "2022-08-26T08:57:51Z")
> [@Nikki84](#):
>
> How do you share it
1. Tap this link:
[Checking in daily to maintain focus #47](https://talkingsober.com/t/checking-in-daily-to-maintain-focus-47/149870)
1. Then tap the thread title (at top, circled here in green); that will take you to the top of the thread:
1. Then tap the “last reply” time (at bottom, circled here in green); that will take you to the end of the thread:
1. Then hit the “Reply” button there (blue button), and you will be posting your reply to the thread. You can say “Checking in at 100+ days…” then add whatever else you want to share with your checkin.
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### Author:  [@Tweetybird](https://talkingsober.com/u/Tweetybird)
#### Post date: [January 18, 2026, 3:20pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-spouse-who-still-drinks/149855/10 "2026-01-18T15:20:01Z")
I am VERY new to this app and am 4 days sober. Husband is still drinking so I understand how tough that is. Our children are grown so we are empty nester so I don’t have the added struggle of kids still being at home. I don’t really have any advice as I am new on this journey of sobriety. I will say that my counselor told me to look at my husband and realize that his actions and words are the addiction talking and not him. Easier said than done absolutely. I just wanna encourage you to take one day at a time that’s all any of us can do. Cheering for you from here.