Do you think your struggle could help deter others from doing the things that lead to addiction? Or is it your belief that addiction is more a genetic issue?
I think it’s a mixture of genetics (specifically an addictive personality trait which could be drink, drugs, working, sex, cleaning, gambling etc) plus circumstance triggers e.g tough family life, death, money worries or a “role” model.
Just my best guess
Yep, behaviors stem from both nature and nuture for sure.
Honestly, I hope that it already has. I know my daughter sees a difference between drinking Dad and alcohol-free Dad, and she definitely prefers the latter. I hope it makes her think twice before that first drink.
I want more than anything in the world for my little girl to grow up with a sober Mum
Getting sober is the best way to minimize the chances of her addiction. I stopped Jan 1, 2014. I had always drank. My son and daughter had seen me do so their entire lives.
In Feb 2015, my son suffered an intracranial aneurysm and died in October of that year. There is an incredible peace in the fact that, even though I lost him, the last 14 months before his aneurysm and the 8 months he was hospitalized, he saw me sober. If I didn’t have that to hold onto, I would not have survived losing him.
I live my Life today in a manner that sets me on a path to maintain Sobriety for my daughter.
Oh what a heart wrenching story. Thanks for sharing that. I am so glad you reached sobriety for your children. You have obviously done such an amazing and tough job to remain sober , even after losing a child. I can’t begin to imagine how painful that must be.
As for staying sober,
I NEED to do this for my little girl. I keep visualising her growing up and seeing me trashed , her feeling/being neglected. It’s one of my greatest fears , for that to become a reality.
I just hope I can get and stay sober and use this , to teach her all of the things I wish I had known , about substance abuse and addiction.
I think that your desire to point them in the right direction is a great idea, but it’s such a complicated process depending on individuality. I think it would take getting to know each kid individually and making a positive impact in their life subtlety. Start small, I love your ambition!
I had an old gf. She went to the most rigorous academic college here in GA. She had Critical Care Nurse certification. Obviously brilliant, very charming, attractive…and an alcoholic.
She grew up in a home where alcoholism and drug use were rampant. She despised addiction; despised alcohol, despised cocaine, despised presecription drugs. When she was in college, and home for Christmas, her mother, while on a drinking binge, shot her father and shot at her but missed. This was on top of years of physical and psychological abuse at the hands of her parents and sexual molestation at the hands of an uncle w substance abuse issues.
If anyone had all reason in the world to avoid substance abuse, it was her.
And when we first met, she had just come out of rehab for…alcohol and benzodiazepine abuse.
But she could never get away from how she grew up. I do credit her for helping me through the first few months of my Sobriety. I was always the “I’ll quit for a month and then it’ll be ok” Guy. I stayed straight because of respect for her Sobriety.
But the swath of Pure Destruction she wrought on my life was amazing. I sometimes thought, “Well Hell, let’s see what she can come up with today.” And she did. Brand new levels of crazy.
We always seem to go back to what we learned growing up. Even if it is insane, it’s comfortable. We seem to think it better than the unsurity of venturing into something we don’t know, even if that something is good.
In retrospect, I have made some poor decisions, have I not?
Three years, nine months, two days,
Unfortunately children of alcoholics are at a higher risk of having alcohol/substance abuse issues than children of non alcoholics.They are also more likely to marry an alcoholic, which I found strange, but I guess the saying of the person you marry is like your dad or mom is pretty legit. Also, it’s my experience that most people learn the hard way through self trial and error. People commend me for quitting the sauce and living a healthier life while getting smashed and killing their bodies slowly. I believe it comes down to the individual. Same reason you have to quit for yourself. It always comes back to numero uno. Just my opinion.
Wow @Chandler13 . Awesome work.
You guys make a great point. I guess that’s why it’s really important for me to stay sober now , whilst my daughter is only two and doesn’t understand too much about what’s going on. It’s such a sad thing when children end up following in their parents footsteps.
As the child of two alcoholic parents, I had as much reason not to drink, as the excuses that it gave me to drink. I was not much of a drinker in my teens and twenties. As a matter of fact, I was pretty much a non-drinker from age 22-31. I had one or two binges during that period.
I started drinking with a purpose AFTER my first marriage ended. Was a drinker for the almost 20 years of my current marriage. I have son from my 1st, and a daughter from my 2nd. I don’t want my daughter to marry an alcoholic either. The thing is, she may marry a good and stable man, and there’s just a latent tendency toward alcohol abuse that has yet to manifest. It may never be an issue, or it may just erupt one day.
Raise them with love. Model self-respect, kindness, and strength. Have honest discussions with them. Plant good seeds and get good fruit.
Wow Chandler, I was just going to say that my kids have seen the before and the after with me, and I thought that taught them such a lesson. Sadly, that is wishful thinking.