How do you enjoy your own company

[Pica]

My therapist once asked me if there were specific feelings I was trying to avoid by drinking.

I told her I didn’t know. Drinking was a daily habit and I couldn’t remember why I had started.

But now that I have spent the last 2 days in bed, sober and too depressed to do much else, I have given the question more thought.

I realized it’s not a feeling that I’m trying to avoid. It’s me. I’m trying to avoid myself because I dislike my own company and drinking is the best way to do that.

If I want to stay sober I need to find a way to like myself, at least a little bit.

But I have hated myself for so long that I don’t even know where to begin.

Not sure what I’m looking for I guess. I’m just curious if anyone else felt like this and how you learned to get past it.

How do you learn to spend time with yourself?

[Rache1]

First, congratulations on day two sober.

I too am on day two sober after restarting many many times. While I don’t drink daily I find that I’m reaching for copious amounts of alcohol when I’m alone. So when I don’t have my daughter and I have no plans that is where I’m reaching for alcohol.

I always thought I liked myself but in the last couple years that has changed. I am struggling with a lot of things and I’m doing my best to try to enjoy things again and that’s very hard right now so I am definitely exactly where you are.

I am trying to read more. And instead of fantasy im reaching for personal growth books and books and how to find mental health. I think that’s where it starts for me is getting my brain into a spot where I can cope with being with myself and everything around me. I don’t know if that’ll work for you but I am finding some comfort so far. But I have a long way to go… Reach out here anytime I haven’t been very good at it but there’s a lot of really positive enforcement here.

[Butterflymoonwoman]

Congratulations on ur 2 days of sobriety I can relate to your post. I used to despise being alone with myself. Like really hate it. When I was deep into my addiction I did many many things I was not proud of. Things had happened to me that I would rather not think about and I hated myself and my own company. I HATED being in my own skin. To be honest, for me… it was only until I began the process of getting clean and began the process of forgiving myself that I was able to slightly stand myself and my own company. I couldn’t forgive myself for longest time for what I did to myself, how I let myself become that person. The damage I had done to my inner child (I’m very much about nourishing my inner child now Lol) and I had to remember and realize that I was a very, very sick person and was only trying to survive in the ways I knew how. I did the best I could with my past circumstances. Even as of recently (I have 4 days clean), if I relapse… I head right back to that hate for myself and can’t stand being in my own company. I’m able to be with myself when I start respecting my body, my mind and spirit, when I take care of me, when I do the next right thing. Doing those actions for me almost overflow and make being in my own company abit easier don’t know if any of this made sense… but I hope it helps somehow

[Ray_M_C_Laren]

over time i started to love myself and like my own company once i did this i could mix with others and be comfortable ,giving for me is something i never used to like but now i love sharing at meetings and giving a little bit back , the man in the mirror ,

[JasonFisher]

At day two, I was miserable. My physical detox was at its worst. Shakey, hot/cold sweats. I was starving, but couldn’t eat. my bones were craving a drink to ease the discomfort. It wasn’t fun.

I started to feel a little better physically each day after day three.

My self-esteem was shit. I was thoroughly disgusted with myself. My self-loathing was at an all-time high.

Once I began to feel a little better physically, I spent as much time in nature as possible. Soul searching.

I read a lot here. Mostly lurking. Reading about alcoholism instead of practicing it. I found the Memes thread. I started participating there. Reading, finding and sharing memes made me laugh. It made me feel better. It still does.

We have fun in there. Come join us. Meme Wars 63 No Politics Please (Part 7) - Just for Fun - Talking Sober - Addiction Recovery Forum & Support Group

Nature helps me feel better. I spend a lot of time immersed in nature. Hiking, watching the sunset, or rise, birdwatching. It usually there that my thoughts find solution for things that are troubling me.

Picking up old hobbies and starting new ones has helped me tremendously.

Art. Any medium. It doesn’t matter if my art is good or not. The creative process is what helps me feel good about myself. and sometimes I make something really cool and people love it. That helps me feel good about me.

Being sober makes me better at everything I do. It helps my job, my relationships with others and most of all, my relationship with myself.

It’s not an overnight event. Each day my self-esteem and self-confidence gets a little better. Doing the next right thing over and over adds up. Making changes towards becoming the person I want to be each day adds up.

Two years later, and my self-esteem is better than I can remember it ever being. Im comfortable in my own skin most of the time.

Glad your here. Be kind to yourself

[Badger]

Don’t pile too much on yourself at once, it’s a long process and you need to give yourself a break.

Remember that there are upd and downs as well… If you’re in the northern hemisphere it’s especially easy to be down in yourself right now because it’s dark and gloomy and the days are short. Give yourself a break.

I was not expecting to learn to love myself as part of the sobriety process, but it is definitely something that has happened. I remember one day, about 6 months in just realising that I am Effing awesome!!! I am proud of myself for being me and gaining body confidence and gratitude for what I am capable of. With sobriety comes many benefits, I would not try to force anything just be patient with yourself, focus on the tools you need and methods you need to use to keep away from the bottle and the addictive voice.

[HoofHearted]

Chicken or egg?

I really didn’t like who I’ve become because of the drink so I would drink more until I didn’t care. It was a vicious cycle.

It took some time to accept myself and make peace with my past. More than 3 years sober and it’s still a work in progress, and it will always be; but it’s progress.

Give it time and be patient. These things require a great deal of time, deep introspection and forgiveness.

Wish you well.

[jonathanlee213]

Took so many years of tearing myself down now i have to build me back up. Alot of self care self awareness, to forgive myself and build my selfesteem and self worth back up. Learn to love yourself and who you are. We’re all here to help if we can to get u back to the best version of you.

[jonathanlee213]

[TigerMatriarch]

Welcome Pica Congrats on day 2. When I’m trying to figure something out like why I am the way I am, I spend time alone in nature. Time alone without distractions but in a setting of positivity allows me to focus properly. I may write with old school pen and paper. Let my thoughts flow out and it’s amazing what epiphanies will come forth.

[Misokatsu]

Excellent advice on here. At first I was so used to alone time being drinking time I had to make schedules. Like do sobriety work, go for run, do housework, eat, watch netflix, make dinner, etc. Liking myself and remembering what I used to enjoy took months.

[jonathanlee213]

Alot of the treatment and therapy ive been through would take me back to my childhood before the use started to see what causes or feelings that i was trying to cover, and learn how to process my emotions rather than mask them or bury them under my calloused heart. Clearing the cobwebs so to speak, in my mind and deep down in my soul. Once i was able to get to the root cause of my substance abuse i learned how to start unlearning the behavior or relying on the drugs and alcohol to flatten my senses. Some of our repressed childhood memories or traumas that we didnt know where the problems to all our problems

[Dolse71]

I try and put other people feelings before my own and do things for others I don’t particularly want to do. By doing this I’ve learnt I’m no more important than anyone else and don’t sit about in my own head too long. Plus the better you treat others the better they treat you and its not so bad living with yourself when people have always got a smile and a hello for you.