How do you learn good communication as an addict

Having conflict with my partner at the moment, and I’m struggling with changing my own behaviour patterns around conflict. I’m really passive aggressive. I can’t express anger, I defer, project, obscure, deny, and it’s hurting my relationship not to mention stressing out my poor girlfriend.

Having grown up in an emotionally repressed, volatile, and passive aggressive (sometimes actually aggressive) home, including people who drank to hide their real feelings, how do you relearn good communication?

Anyone got tips, resources, workbooks, videos, anecdotes…I’m here for it. I need to do some WORK.

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Maybe try a meeting they make it easier wish you well

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I second the idea about writing. My husband is a therapist and he has his clients do that quite often. You can say what you want and edit as needed to make sure you’re not coming across the wrong way. Also, if you grew up with those poor examples of communication, it’s probably going to take a lot of work and time to reverse the impact. Maybe over communicate a bit but also recognize that sometimes you just have to walk away until you get your thoughts together. Focus on responding instead of reacting to situations/conversations. And if you have the time and money a good therapist can really help. Best of luck.

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Oof, I feel you bud! I am also very passive aggressive by nature. In my household, it was a survival technique. So I learned how to basically not say anything, stay under the radar, and never truly express myself. It’s a constant practice. I’d say that writing in the forums here is a great start!

I spend a lot of time with myself trying to figure out what I want to say. Sometimes I even write down talking points just to visualize my thoughts. Then I make sure that my partner has time and that I’m not approaching him if he’s preoccupied. It helps when both people are in good mood.

Using “I” statements is also very important, and keep yourself as the main subject. Try not to accuse or project.

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Seriously though: Meetings.

There I find a whole room of people who understand, welcomed to grow as quickly or as slowly as I please. I went in to get sober, but it’s really helped me build back up healthier communication skills. If not in the rooms, group CBT or the like are great for this, too.

Books help, but I find them hard to practice a dialogue with. :blush:

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Trauma therapy
CBT
DBT
If you getting triggered I highly recommend looking up Dr. ERIC at Forward Facing Trauma Therapy.