How do you

How do you stay sober when you’re around family and they all drink?!!

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I’ve never experienced this. Think if I had the pass to drink in the past I would’ve drank more. I feel for you :grinning:

Hi Regina!

Talk/read on the forum :hugs:
Just kidding but no not kidding reading a lot about family dynamics on here might help. Also get out of the house. Make new sober connections helps alot. Find a self help group which works for you.

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It’s all about what you want/choose to do. You just have to actively remind yourself why you dont want to drink and what you do want for your life. When you do that you won’t find yourself wishing for the drink but feeling sorry for them for giving into the alcohol.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

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Your family are not you. You must do what is best for you. Be a sober island in a sea of embarrassing poison.

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my Mrs drinks and smokes in front of me. Her choices are not my choices. my trick is to not over think it. We’re like ohh I should have some but I can’t and bc I can’t I’m supposed to feel shit about it and that’s not good. So what!! All them feelings are normal don’t fight, always accept. Acceptance will change your life forever. You can read a lot of big posh books with long words and deep meaningful quotes but the bottom line is accept everything for what it is. You are not your thoughts, you are you in a present state of not drinking.

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My mom is literally my biggest trigger. She’s been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. Extremely functional. But bingeing for days on end when she doesn’t have to work. She lives next door to me, so imagine how hard it can get to stay away from her when it’s like this.
But when I’ve been sober before and I know she’s not, I will be honest with her and let her know I don’t want her to come over right now if she’s been drinking, or I’m not going to go around her. And if it’s a family function I build myself up for days to mentally prepare to say no thankyou I’m not drinking. I prepare myself so much that I absolutely without a doubt know that I will not take that drink offered to me. And when everyone is drinking, I leave early. I go for the function, do the basics and then I’m out.and seriously leaving a situation like that and being sober is one of the nest feelings of accomplishment ever.

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That is super strong. I admire what you say about mentally bracing yourself to prepare, I try and do that to, but more with anxiety-inducing stuff. I think if I had to go to a function where everyone’s drinking and I would constantly be offered drinks, I would not participate though. Or leave after the basics, as you say. You seem to have really health boundaries, so cool! :clap:

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You get away from them. Harsh, but it’s what you need. Pretty much everyone in my family are drug addicts. I’ve had to distance myself from them and love them from afar. You don’t have to completely leave them alone, but you do need to distance yourself and also tell them why you’re distancing yourself. Tell them you do not want to be around it.

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Be honest too. If everyone drinks and you want to stop drinking tell then that and lay down the law. Seriously. So hopefully they respect that and understand that and maybe make it easier for you when you are around them.

I’ve dealt with many different reactions towards my decision to not have a drink. Some very supportive and extremely proud, others purposely talking about drinking, ect. Doesn’t matter to me either way, because if you truly want to quit you will. Just don’t expect everyone to be supportive, just keeping it real. The decisions always going to be yours. I had several failed attempts before staying sober and currently on day 1222.

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When I’m around smokers, I won’t smoke, because I don’t smoke.

If I were around drug use, I won’t use, because I don’t use.

So, if I am around drinkers, I won’t drink because I don’t drink.

I am a non-drinker.

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Ditto! Yes! So simply put, yet it’s the exact mindset and decision making we all need to truly embed into our core.

I am a non-drinker. I don’t drink.
I am a healthy, happy non-smoker. I don’t smoke.
I am not a drug user. I don’t take drugs.

So when I am around ppl or in environments where ppl are drinking, smoking or taking drugs, I don’t join in, because why would I. I’ve made the above decisions and this is who I am. What other ppl do is on them. I make my own choices. And, obviously, I try not to spend too much time in places where ppl are doing things I don’t do.

In the beginning stages of our recovery, I definitely believe it’s best to avoid such ppl and places where these things are forefront - set yourself up for success. Find new, fun and sober friends and activities. And avoid family if they’re not supportive of your decisions.

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