First I’m a late drinker I didn’t start until I was 36 years old.During that same time I began a relationship with my fiance who also drinks but not like I do.Me and my fiance would go out of town for a night or two on our days off to relax and chill and gamble a little.Most of the time I was OK but every once in a while I would have terrible outburst and say very hurtful things out my mouth if I felt slighted in the smallest way.My fiance would be angry with me and would not talk to me for days…I would have to apologize to her constantly… I am a jealous angry drunk sometimes.This pattern continued for the past 3 years me saying or doing something very stupid while intoxicated then apologizing and her taking me back…just recently this past Thursday 10/06/16 in a hotel I got into a physical altercation with my fiance and said some things I didn’t mean and I don’t remember doing any of it( I blacked out)without getting into details it got out of control I am ashamed of my behavior…she gave me the ring back and I’m at the end of my rope that’s why I’m on here for some help to get this alcohol demon off my back
Whatever you do, don’t stop searching for hope. It does come to you if you truly search for it and yearn for it. But if I may be bold… you have to change this part of yourself. It will hurt and it will keep you up some nights and sometimes wish you were dead. But what comes after that is peace. Please just keep trying. Set small goals and work towards those. There is hope and happiness ahead. I promise you that.
I have much love and compassion for you.
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I appreciate your words they are encouraging.