The longest I have ever gone sober was 10 months. I was pregnant. I have struggled with this addiction since I was young. When will I ever be able to understand that I can’t control it, I can’t drink and not end up back here in regret and emotional hell. As a mom I have had many low points and last night just adds to the pile. I want to be done making choices which affect me and my son. I want a life and I want the strength to live it. Please help? Anything and everything welcome.
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You said anything… So go to a meeting. That’s my help and my advice 
And as always, don’t give up
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@Miss_B. Just a continuation here. It took me years to actually find a peace in sobriety. So many times I can’t count but this time I changed my lone wolf strategy and it’s going pretty good.
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Thank you. That’s very helpful. I was sober for 16 days and I just felt my attitude getting worse and worse each day. I wasn’t happy. So I said “if I’m not gonna be happy might as well drink” and that began a two week cycle of the norma routine
Yea that’s where I first checked. I found one with childcare
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I did have a calendar I would check in daily and once my mood kept getting more negative I slowly stopped and I went to buy wine and I got back to messing up mode
I think that the calendar would be a great idea or a daily journal. If it’s always negative that’s okay at first it’s not going to be a bed of roses. Exercise is good for clearing the head. Meditation also helps. Reading for me is essential I would recommend some of your reading be recovery based. A program is one the tools I could not have survived early recovery without. I’m a big fan of real life meetings it lets you see the pain and or joy in someone’s eyes as they share. But in the beginning it’s mostly about protecting your budding sobriety. Treat it like a newborn. I emerged myself in recovery related learning. Working the 12 steps started to make me feel better almost immediately. As you pour yourself into fixing the why the rest lets up on you. I won’t tell you it goes away but in almost 8 months now I’ve had one time I was planning on a relapse (I talked to a sober friend that saved my ass that night). I have had fleeting thoughts of alcohol maybe a handful of times and a few periods I was in my head and life wasn’t great. But all in all I have had it pretty great. But I did a shit ton of me work. There’s a lot of great threads about this. It’s @Oliverjava or @Melrm has a helpful guide and many others have contributed. The first part is being ready to get out of denial so you can face the problems on why you want to be numb. If you try to just abstain I don’t think it’s enough. You have to resolve what is the cause. It’s a painful process at times but it feels so great when you start to put your life back together. Good luck
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I use an online app daylio a journal I can lock and add moods and activities, it alarms me at 9 every night and I remember to put an entry in.
Keep trying ,Good luck.
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It takes exactly 3.50 resets.
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as suggested try going to a meeting it makes it easier when you met nice people who understand how you are and feel , and get phone numbers so yo can lift the phone before you lift a drink ,AA made it easier and saved my life , even though i havnt had a slip or relapse since i came to the fellowship i know its only Adaat , guys like Chad and Gabe and Melrm will be a example to you that it can be a good way of life without booze and help you understand. everyone have agood day
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Sober muscles, hee hee.
Anyone struggling is in the right place, just keep coming back here no matter what’s going on.
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Thank you everyone. I had gone 3 weeks, and then 16 days. I wasn’t feeling any better so I gave up. I said screw this being sober crap I can just drink and function. Well I wasn’t and now I’m back to feeling like crap, guilt, utter shame, and disgust. I wish there was a miracle pill or prayer. There isn’t. I am going to a meeting tonight and I’m looking for daily meetings with child care so I have no excuse. Checking in daily here and in my journal is also apart of my plan. My friend asked me "why didn’t you call a sponsor or friend to help hold you accountable " my response, because I didn’t care about being sober. Just saying that is like wtf was I thinking? I literally gave up on me and my son and our future and I should know better. Well let me tell you, the damn addict brain took full control and I didn’t even try to fight it anymore.
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When I have a relapse it usually takes me every few days to relapse again I have had 2 major relapses since coming on here about a year ago.But each one had a different amount of resets first one was 10 times and the second was 8.
I am reading some great books about women and sobriety.The first one I picked up was called “drink”.You can find it at barnes and noble. The very first pages caught my attention as she describes her relationship with alcohol being this" elegant figure standing in thr corner, the handsome one in the beautiful black tuxedo, or black leather &jeans" and how he made everything seem softer and better.
Then suddenly, you realize he starts showing up everywhere and you cant get rid of him.
It also talks about women and their relationship with alcohol, business women, mothers, working women ect.
I think it could help if you get a better understanding of alcoholism.
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Do you know the author? I have trouble finishing books. I seem to struggle with finishing what I start lol case in point my sobriety. Your relapses sound like mine. That helps to hear that it’s not always easy for everyone. I get to this space where I start feeling “it’s just me”, but that is very narcissistic 
I’m glad I’m not alone and have support even when I mess up
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I can understand that lol Ive had mine for a bit and life happens and I get distracted but Im a little over halfway through and know someone who read the whole thing and loved it so I plan on finishing it.
I have a few other ones Im working on too.
This is the book.
You arent alone at all and the more you read the more you find this is something we all go through.It may feel like it if you are surrounded by others who dont understand addiction but trust me its not the case.
Im glad you are on here having this app was the best decision I ever made.
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This weekend is going to be hard for me. I get two weeks in and think “well, normal people go two weeks between drinking sessions right?”
The last time I drank I threw up in the bathtub. I drank by myself at home.
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For me, tbd. For a lot of people, tbd. Actually for me, I’d think it’s what I heard in a meeting today. It’s when you don’t dwell on the past. We all have suitcases full of shit and trauma and maltreatment, both given and gotten. Someone today said his key was that he started to obsess about a new and wonderful life, and not the hurt and anger and bullshit of the last. I keep thinking I’m over my stuff, but I’m not.
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I love that, obsessing over a new and wonderful life.Great way to look at it.
Thank you so very much. I am going to look for it today. Someone else also posted a book about the mind and alcohol. But I have to pace myself lol because then I give up all together.
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