Before I decided to get sober, I categorized my drinking into “Good” drinking and “Bad” drinking (bear with me, I now know it’s all Bad drinking).
“Bad” drinking was stuff like drinking while I was alone, drinking during week days, drinking due to triggers that I couldn’t resist, etc.
“Good” drinking was intentionally carved out social times with my friends. None of my friends are heavy drinkers, so these were/are occaisional times we all decided to get a baby sitter and go enjoy ourselves.
I have a couple coming up and I’m not sure what to do or how to approach it.
One is a “5k Beer Run”. My wife and I have been doing this particular event with a couple of friends for 4 years now. It’s a 5k where local breweries come out and you get to sample (super generous) portions of all their beer. It’s been a blast and we’ve made great memories with our friends doing this. It’s coming up in March.
Another one is a “Zoo-la-la” event where us and 3 other couple friends go to our local Zoo where they host a grown-ups night where they close down the zoo and adults get to come in and drink and look at the animals all by themselves. We did this last year and had an absolute blast. This is coming up soon and our friends sent out the invite
There’s other examples, but generally what I’m tryihng to get across is these events are times for us parents to “let loose” without the kiddos and have a night out where we have fun while someone watches our kiddos. We don’t bar hop or anything like that, it’s more of a Pay for An Activity To Have Fun thing.
Dunno if that makes a difference AT ALL, but these events are coming up and I’m super confused as to how to handle it
i think it depends on how you feel as you continue your path of sobriety. last night me and my wife had a date night. i am newly sober (6 days today) and we went to a movie and skipped dinner out because i knew i would want to drink and didnt want to be in that position. as the events come to closer if you are strong enough to resist the urge to drink i dont see an issue going. but if you think that you will end up partaking in the alcohol portion it might be worthwhile to skip it. just my two cents. stay strong and take it one day at a time.
Good question JDubs. My first question to you is Have you told your friends that you have stopped drinking? That’s really the 1st step in the social game, and not an easy one because it’s scary. They will look at you differently. But Good friends will support you and you will still have fun. You sound like you have a great personality, so that helps.
I would recommend trying other things that are not centered around alcohol though. Like the 5k beer run is probably a bad idea. Pick a different run. There are so many these days… being around Samples is dangerous because it’s a small portion-- no biggie right. Um no. It will lead to wanting a taste, then failure. Still do the going out thing when you have babysitter. The zoo event sounds great, possibly bring some interesting drinks that are non alcoholic. Sometimes having a glass filled with 'something ’ that looks like alcohol, but isn’t, helps with the social anxiety.
Since society was brought up, why does there need to be this stigma about being a non drinker? Especially by those of us that are alcoholics. There is nothing wrong or strange about going out and not drinking or doing a 5k run sponsored by breweries and just choosing to enjoy the run or comradery of your fellow man without trying the “generous samples”. I’ve just simplified things for myself to make this transition easier. There is life after alcohol. I’m only 28 days sober and I believe this with every fiber of my being.
sorry to say but I believe it’s just an excuse to get pissed. Kids all play beer pong these days,at most parties, which gets them drunk fast.
I enjoyed getting pissed at every function I went to which legitimised it in my brain as " everyone was doing it" I firmly believe that you drink because you want to drink and no other reason. Maybe this is to simplistic for most
Hey @Jdubs this is a great question and these events sound very similar to my social life. I’m a runner and the first half marathon I did, you got an entire bottle of wine with your grab bag AND there was a beer fest held at the finish line. Yep! That was how I planned the things I did - alcohol was usually involved, and I’m not going to lie, I always had a blast.
The zoo thing sounds like so much fun, ugh, sorry I’m not really helping…if it was me I’d bring something to the zoo (your own drink if possible). You could also get soda and ask that it be poured in a beer glass, wine glass - whatever other people are drinking out of so you don’t stand out.
As far as the run, that’s hard as I’m sure you’re already registered. I wouldn’t do any more runs with beer or wine at the end. That’s annoying when everyone is drinking and you can’t participate. Unless they have n/a options you’re going to feel left out. Either drink something else, skip it or tell your friends. I’m just trying to think what I would have to do. Those are hard scenarios!!
Ok, so the zoo thing sounds fun. I adore animals so I would probably go. I’m new to sobriety so maybe I am naive, but I would casually say, “I’m good,” if anyone asked me if I wanted a beer.
As for the beer run…again, I would just say, “I’m good.”
You don’t owe anyone an explanation or anything about why you don’t drink.
For me, drinking leads to nothing good, plus I had a Father who died from alcoholism when I was 10, so I’ve decided alcohol isn’t for me.
Drink is drink wether good or bad ? your choice if you want to go to these events and not drink or if you feel it will harm your soberiety my advise is if your uneasy with the events coming up dont go , only you can make that decision best o luck Jdubs
Hi. I will get straight to the point. If I were you I would not go to any of these events. You have two options: you are an addict who fools himself, goes to places where alcohol is served (in big a amounts), where people drink in front of you and thinks that you can handle it and it won’t do any harm to you (trust me it will. If not then it will later on). Or second, harder and demanding, but in my opinion better in a long term option is that you start living like a sober addict. It’s not only about not drinking but about changing your habits and thinking. If your friends can’t accept you the way you are and hang out with you in the zoo without getting hammered they are not true friends. Think about it. I speak from my own experience. Take care and good luck with everything!
1.) Go and let everyone know that you are NOT drinking… either tell the truth or you can say that you made a bet with someone that you can hold out longer than they can without drinking or whatever spin you want to put on it.
2.) Don’t go and say you’re not feeling well or have something going on.
Back in 2010 I was sober. I was also married to someone who liked to go out and drink and smoke etc. I needed to man up and be true to myself. If we went to the bar (which we did because she wanted to and I felt that I couldn’t deny her that) I drank O’Douls (non alcoholic beer) or water or soda water / seltzer. That only lasted a couple of times and I decided to stay out of the bars.
We also went to plenty of backyard parties hosted by friends. I also brought a 6 pack of O’Douls Amber. Come to find out another friend of mine was doing the same thing. No one looked at me sideways for not drinking at all. No one cared. They did their thing and I did my thing.
You’re damned if you do, you’re damned if you dont.
Seriously though I get tired of feeling like I need to explain myself to others. I know people knew me as a party girl who got wasted and said things I shouldnt and picked fights all the time. How could they NOT know Im an alcoholic?It isnt something you choose. What you can choose though is wether or not you drink. The thing is when you stop drinking, that should be a GOOD thing. Why don’t you deserve a happy life just like anyone else? If getting sober is what helps then I dont see why people have such a problem with it or look at you differently. Usually its someone who has NO idea what addiction is about and wont ever understand how much strength it takes to be sober.
These runs souns familiar. SAN DIEGO? they have so many runs here and craft beers it all sounds fun all the time.Honestly my advice is what others have said.Go to the zoo one and bring something tasty…and to be honest your drink will taste better than others because to non alcoholics alcohol and beer DOES NOT taste good. The beer run, well talk to your wife about this.If you already paid then maybe do the run and then tell them you have somewhere to be.Your friends will get over it if you cant stay. Or just stay home, tell them something important came up.
Oh and Ill add that I actually convinced myself that beer tastes good…biggest lie Ive ever told myself besides ‘I’m not an alcoholic’. Lol
The first date is in March, so by that time it’ll mean I’ll have 60+ days of sobriety and me knowing me I won’t want to break the chain.
At this point in my head I might go and “be the guy that doesn’t drink.” I know this group will actually appreciate a DD.
I reserve the right to change my mind though I might get “sick” before or just tell everyone I’m not going. Depends on my head space at that time.
Out of our friends… I’m definetly the guy that drinks the most. I don’t anticipate any fallback from my friends… If anything they’ll think I’m joking because I’m ALWAYS the one drinkibg.
Thanks yall. Lots to think about and I’ll be rereading yalls post a lot more before I figure out what I want to do
What about telling people your stomach is a bit upset and you don’t really want a beer or drink . This may not work with people who are close to you but I think it’s an easy out to an acquaintance at a social event .
