He’s drunk again and I can’t leave him.
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Hey MeLissa, I don’t have much to offer personally on this topic - but just wanted to send you in the direction of a really good thread where plenty of folks on here have shared their struggles and offered suggestions.
Give it a read. I hope it helps. 
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Hello. What makes you stay ? I ask because I have affected my partner with my drinking and I am scared he is going to leave me after all of my reckless nights
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Hey MeLissa.
My wife is an alcoholic and I’m sober 4 years. It can be very difficult. I see M sent you that thread.
Al-Anon has saved my life and probably my marriage. I’ve learned how to take care of my self. And I cannot control my alcoholic or cure her. And I didn’t cause it. I can however contribute to it.
I was just getting ready for bed. I’m wiped out.
Have a good read around that thread if you’re interested. Especially some of the readings. My fave is Courage To Change.
I’m always around. Hope to see you again.
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You’re saying your partner “that can’t stay sober”.
This sounds to me that he may have made some type of effort ( no matter how small or how big) at some point in time to stay sober.
If you feel like talking about it fine, if not, of course, that’s fine too.
( Could be he’s never made an effort.)
Glad you are posting about it and have gotten some nice responses and will get support.
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Thanks I’ll check it out!
He can’t support himself
Thank you! I’ve only lasted 5 months. I don’t think I could make it 4 years!
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He’s trying to stay sober to support me but it’s not lasting and it’s hard to deal with a drunk whilst being completely sober. I used to drink to put up with him but now I have nothing. Thank your replying!
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Mornin MeLissa 
So happy to see you back with us responding. Again I’m so sorry for your circumstances.
First and foremost we only need to be sober today. I’ll be happy to do that with ya. Just for today.
Do you live in a place where you can get to an Al-Anon meeting? Did you check out what I sent you.
I’m not leaving my wife of 40 years. She lost her drinking buddy of 36 years. And she never asked for me to get sober. I can feel your hopelessness. I really can.
My first year of sobriety I focused on myself so much her drinking didn’t bother me too much. It wasn’t that bad. DENIAL. but she was getting wasted every night for quite awhile. But she was at home. It wasn’t hurting anyone. DENIAL.
Anyway my life became so unmanageable I had to do something. And I was afraid to go to Al-Anon meetings at first because she’d probably drink more! And what would she be like when I get home? Wasted.
I showed up at that first meeting balling my eyes out. This big strong guy uncontrolledly crying in front of these 4 or 5 stranger ladies. What a fucking relief 
They understood my dilemma. And I couldn’t wait to go back next week. I felt this tiny bit of relief. That was almost 2 years ago. And I keep going back. I finally learned I can only control and take care of myself.
@Vii
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News Flash!!
I can’t make the alcoholic not drink.
I can’t make them drink either.
It works both ways.
They’re alcoholics. They drink. And the only medicine is to not take that first drink.
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You’re in good company here, @MeLissa718 . If I am reading this correctly, you’ve been sober 5 months, and hubby is trying not to drink to support you? Maybe he’s relapsing because his reasons not to drink need tweaking?
You’re not alone in this, and if you’ve gone to read on the other thread,
You’ll see that for yourself. I struggle almost daily to keep the focus on myself. The millisecond my attitude toward my husband goes south, he picks up on it. It discourages him. Makes him feel small. Even rebellious . I am learning how codependent I am and this is a challenge for me to grow .
It is hard to be with someone when they are drunk and you’re sober. No way around that. But it is an opportunity for you to stay focused on your own needs.
Do self care. Detach. Go outside, or go to another room. Read, listen to podcasts or music or anything. Come here and vent.
We’re here for each other!
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I’m sober and married to a man that drinks every day. I happen to love this man but if I didn’t I would leave him.
I can stay sober but only for myself. I can’t change him and I can’t make him want to be sober.
When I get annoyed that he drinks I come to this app and talk to the other compassionate folk on here about how annoyed I am. That helps me stay sober. Take care of you in this scenario. 🩷 You aren’t alone in this.
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Here to share about me leaving my verbally abusing alcoholic husband. I tried all I could but he still chooses to drink. The hardest part of my situation is his dad still drinks and buys alcohol in the home which is where he is while we are separated, how do you think I should go about this. His dad says he’s a grown man and he knows that he can drink so he should be strong enough not to drink when alcohol is in the house, his dad says when he gets off from work he wants a couple of beers and if his son doesn’t know how to limit himself then that’s his problem. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle should I just end this totally with divorce because of his dad is not on the bandwagon with me and stops the alcohol in the home there’s no way for sobriety with him.
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I haven’t told anyone but you all. It feels like a great step in the right direction and I appreciate all the responses!
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Your husband’s sobriety is on him, not you and not his Dad. Having alcohol around will absolutely make it harder for him to stay sober but that is all his responsibility.
The fact that you introduced him as verbally abusive sets me against him already. Yes, if you can do it safely, you should leave someone who is verbally abusive. Take care of you here.
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Yes I have left and staying away. I have already offered for him to leave his dad’s and be sober with me, but he’s still there because it’s easy for him. His dad also complains he will kick him out if he doesn’t stop drinking and missing work but yet as soon as he goes to work for a week then he makes it seem like everything’s okay and then the father drinks with him again and then it’s the same cycle calling out the following week. Maybe it is time for a divorce. Thanks so much for your advice.
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I just ended a 4.5 yr relationship due to his constant relapse, mental health that he ignored, his insecurities that works lead to accusations. I just celebrated my 9 years. I had to do this to protect myself
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Oh wow congratulations on your 9 years. I was a alcoholic many years ago but got to handle of it by knowing that my son needed a sober parent so I was able to socially drink and he used to handle that pretty well. But I understand not everybody has that power to quit like I did without help I tried to be there to help him and his constant verbal abuse that makes it unbearable that’s why I separated from him. I know what you mean about the accusations and insecurities because he thought the only reason why I was doing this was because I was cheating with someone I have never wanted anyone but him and only him that’s the reason why I stood so long but in the midst of that and took down my mental health so I think I’ll stay away and know that I tried but his verbal abuses was made it unbearable. Sober sorrys is what I call them is always what I got the following day and sooner or later it just wasn’t enough anymore because he continued the same behaviors so yes to protect myself and the kids were staying away.
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I lost my children due to drugs and alcohol. I finally have a relationship building such my oldest. I also consider his 2 teen boys mine. They need someone reliable and stable. It’s been hard for all of us and it hurts daily. Some more than others. I know he had relapsed again and is drinking. All i can do is pray for him
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