How to deal with loneliness

52 days sober. Anyone else dealing with loneliness… I have people around but I still feel alone. Help?

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Funny you should ask bc this came up when I was speaking in a rehab last night. You aren’t alone in being lonely. When I first got out of rehab loneliness was my biggest concern. I know what happens when I sit with myself to long and it’s not good.

I started going to meetings, a lot of them. I found people who looked happy and I attached myself to them. Any event or activity they did I made sure to go. AA and NA people welcome the chance to invite newcomers into their group. When I was broke they would pay for dinner, or give me a ride. Now I am blessed that when a newcomer arrives I can make sure they come hang out with us, and I always buy their dinner. I talk on the phone every day with people from the rooms.

I have also found new hobbies. When I was using I did nothing but get high so I had no idea what I liked to do. I basically got to pick a whole new life. I now ride my bike. A lot. It’s healthy, fun and I use it for meditation. I would have never gotten to this point without AA and NA. There’s nothing stopping you from having a great life.

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I suffer from depression and loneliness is one of my big ones especially in early sobriety. I felt like without my drink I couldn’t be social or that no one noticed me. They’re evil thoughts that tear us apart. Stay strong, if you want to privately message someone feel free to message me!

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I have been as well…between having to cut ties with addict/alcoholic friends who would eventually be a bad influence and the fact that over the years I had become more and more of a reclusive drinker anyway i dont have a whole lot of people to call on at this point. Finding friends in recovery or at least support your recovery is important. Most of the people I hang out with at this point I know from aa and na, though considering I had become such a loner it doesn’t seem to bother me as much, but there are times, especially when a particularly bad craving strikes, that I completely feel the way ur describing and I think that’s why…even though ur around people u feel like those people dont know u or understand u right?

I was really happy when I was going to CA meetings. That’s how I felt. I could feel myself getting better. I just started a new job and since I work so late I can’t go to any of then during that week now. It really sucks ): I was going every day. Now I can only go on the weekends. Its not the same

Have you tried the other fellowships? In Syracuse there’s a lot of overlap between CA and AA.

I’ve also used talking to complete strangers on the street to cure loneliness. Or stay on the forum for hours on end.

No I haven’t. The only meetings I have been to on the weekends are small groups and I feel obligated to talk. I am awkward and I don’t like talking about personal stuff. Besides on here I guess lol

Yes exactly! It sucks when all of your friends are alcoholics/addicts. It’s hard 3nough being sober. I don’t want to do this alone. I have my family but like you said none of them understand.

For as mouthy as I am on here, I actually don’t share much at meetings so I know what you mean. I only have 7.5 months so I’m still really new and I get a lot out of just listening. However, before and after the meeting is when I get my talking in. The social aspect is crucial for me.

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That was really hard for me to do my sponsor introduced me to so many people and I dont know how to socialize with new people without being buzzed or drunk. It is something I am working on though.

I’m still working on that lol. I still make mistakes in social settings. Luckily it’s just around people from the rooms who were just as socially inept as I am. The key for me is to not take myself so seriously. If I do something stupid I laugh. It’s funny. If I say something offensive I apologize. I can still be a dick. If I receive a compliment I thank the person. These are things I’ve learned recently.

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Yeah, that’s me to a t…lol, I’m socially awkward enough I’ll do or say something stupid and embarass myself within the first few minutes of meeting someone most of the time…at least it’s always seemed that way to me, tho most of the time it’s not as bad as I make it out to be in my mind and I felt like I needed a buzz to let go of that inhibition and anxiety to feel comfortable enough to risk the embarrassment.

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Yep, that was the next thing I was gonna say…u hafta adopt that “who cares” mentality and just put urself out there, learn to laugh at urself and not take things so seriously

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Same here! Lol. I don’t know how it’s so easy for someone to just strike up a conversation. I say stupid things all the time. I end up catching myself but it’s always too late. Ha ha. When I drank I just didnt care. I could have a conversation but I could never remember them so I guess that wasn’t the best either lol

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I am seriously trying. I must admit I have gotten better.

Learning to accept compliments was a huge deal for me. I’m not sure why. It’s also hard for me to believe people. I always feel like they’re just being too nice but really lying. Its kind of how when someone is overweight but when they say they look fat you don’t agree. To be nice. But if is a fact. That sounded mean. I don’t care about people’s. Weight. See. I am an awkward turtle :turtle:

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I’ve read your comments, and believe you are a “feeler” by nature. I am more of a thinker. That’s not to say that feelers don’t think, and thinkers don’t feel. It’s more in how we relate to the world around us.

A thinker is constantly processing what is going on around them, to determine what their actions should be. Observe. Orient. Decide. Act.

A feeler is constantly aware of how the world around them makes them feel, and then reacts based on those feelings.

Not saying one is good or bad. Just different. The world needs both. What I am saying is being aware of your nature can help you master it.

Being a thinker, one of the things I’ve had to start thinking about was how my words and actions might make a person feel. Failure to do this can lead to negative interactions.

Being a feeler, one can become paralyzed by the need to process feelings. I see this in your comments. You “felt” obligated to speak at a meeting. You have trouble with compliments as you feel they could be disingenuous.

Perhaps you might want to make a conscious effort to think more, feel less.

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I’m not sure how old you are, but I grew up pre cellphone and internet so I had to learn how to talk with people when I was young. These days kids do all their communication through electronic devices. My sister in law got my 8 year old niece a cell phone and I flipped out. Like seriously got pissed.

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I hear you. It was and is hard for me to feel comfortable talking to people at times, especially people I don’t know well. I have social anxiety and am a slightly extroverted introvert. I also have a phone phobia and all my close friends live in different states, so I try hard to get over that. It is worse because my hearing is getting wonky (age!!). Anyway, I hear you.

It sounds like you had a really good thing going with your CA meetings. I am glad you are able to still go on weekends.

I don’t have much advice other than pushing yourself a bit…that is what I do. I don’t do it all the time, but I take baby steps in trying new fitness classes and yoga classes where I interact with others. Also in volunterring at the library and delivering meals on wheels…that was helpful for a lot of reasons.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone.

That is actually really great advice. Thank you. Everything you said is true. I feel deeply, too deeply sometimes and it has a lot of cons. I will definitely keep that in mind.

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