I’ve found that if you have to work at moderation then abstinence is a better goal.
I can easily say no to the first drink, that’s not a problem at all. The problem is that I cannot say no to the second drink. I’ve tried a thousand times and failed a thousand times.
I’d love to be able to enjoy a drink now and then, but let’s face it, being able to drink moderately gives us permission to get fucked every now and then. And that’s really what we want when you boil it down, permission to get fucked up.
For me, quitting for good was not only comparatively easy but also a big relief. The hardest part I remember was straddling that line of going out to have fun but with some vague promise of not blasting off into blackout land. THAT was hard, trying to hold onto an invisible rope, remaining vigilant while having a fun time. I’d manage to maintain a tight performance a few nights but then soon enough, I’d go out and slip into blackout, waking up with regret, self loathing and remorse. Walking that tight rope was the hardest part. That took effort. It took me a long time to be able to look around at my beloved bar scene that I thought held so much fun, and to see it for what it was. Quitting for good took the struggle out and provided me with freedom.
I wasted 15 years of my life if not more trying to control my drinking. It doesn’t work and just gets worse. Normal drinkers don’t black out and binge drink. Sorry to be blunt! Check out an AA meeting and see if you can relate and best to you.
As far as alcohol dependence (even just the psychological version) can be considered a progressive mental disease, depending on the current state of your neurotransmitters and their reaction to drinking (switches on the reward pathways in your brain, and then your brain’s natural reaction is to want to do more of it) moderation may require a brain transplant :-/
Wow ! That was said so well , thanks for your compassion . It’s amazing you don’t even miss it now . Goals . Did you have triggers ? And if so how did you deal with them to the point you don’t even want it anymore ?
As I got older I got some social anxiety even with my own friends . So I might have to figure that out as well . Like my best friend is amazing but she as well likes her some wine so I need get comfortable knowing that isn’t going to be what we do when I see her ( we see each other rarely ) she’s a mom now and I’m always at school or work . But anyways when I do make time for my social life I need to learn to just being ok with going for a hike , or watching a movie and having dinner . So that’s Deff something to watch out for cus anxiety is a trigger for me .
Do you honestly enjoy having one or two drinks? Do you feel satisfied and ready to quit? You do that at home so probably yes. This forum is full of people like me with no brakes that have had various degrees of problems from it.
This Naked Mind actually would be a good book for you. Or sober podcasts like sober curious, not focused on alcoholism but just cutting drinking out of your social life.
Either way, cutting out drinking will be the best thing you’ve ever done. Healthier and happier.
Oh I just read this . Well I want to learn to drink when I actually have time and not just do it to take the edge off . Like maybe after all my assignments are caught up and prob drink like twice a month tops . Without going to crazy . First I want to test myself to at least go a month without drinking . How do you moderate yourself ? And when did you realize you needed to change your habits ?
So if your drinking is a problem now what makes you think it won’t be in the future? Because you didn’t drink for 30 days? And the person you are replying to can’t moderate either because he’s aiming for 90 days. If he knew how to moderate he wouldn’t have to take time off.
If you want to learn how to moderate there’s plenty of resources available. However, this is a sobriety forum. Please send him a PM if you want to learn how to control your drinking. Just do me a favor and come back in a year and tell me how the moderation is going. I’ve been on this site for 18 months and have yet to hear from a person who went out and moderated successfully. Maybe you can be the first!
Maybe you are like a lot of people your age, and as you grow older and take on more responsibilities, you settle down and become a “normal drinker”. Maybe next time you black out you wake up in a strange place with your underwear on backwards. Maybe you wake up handcuffed to a bed. Maybe you get a DUI. Maybe you make an ass out of yourself at the company holiday party. Or maybe you just go through young adulthood racking up stories you can laugh about when older. Maybe you wake up one day 10 years from now, rock-bottom alcoholic wondering how in the hell you got there.
The thing is every drink is a roll of the dice, or a spin of the cylinder with a pull of the trigger. I can’t enjoy drinking without the high probability of abuse. I’ve been to the edge and looked down at what was waiting for me at the bottom “slippery slope’” you mentioned.
Maybe I could stop at one…this time. Maybe the next time I’ll say, “you did fine last time, so how about another”. Yep, seen this movie hundreds of times…I know how it ends. That’s why I quit 648 days ago.
But I am me, and you are you. Your mileage may vary. My advice is give sobriety a try. Say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink. If you do this you never have to worry about a second or third or eighth. It becomes a “sure thing”. No blackout. No fallout. No regret.
Welcome. I hope you will stay here for a while and learn a bit from some wonderful, experienced and wise souls who have walked the same road you are traveling.
That’s so awesome . I honestly wasn’t even thinking about quitting until I heard everyone’s perspectives on here . I’m willing to learn new ways to think and consider different tips . Super helpful and inspiring . So I’m thankful for that and it makes me more excited to change my future . So thanks to everyone who wasn’t sarcastic to me and showed compassion and honesty advice !
I appreciate the original poster’s @18356 ability to take in suggestions and look at new ways to approach her drinking…how refreshing to see someone so open to change!
And @ThePower, I also appreciate your take on things. We are all learning and growing (one hopes). As with so much in life, take what you need, leave the rest.
The sarcasm is not a becoming trait, I agree. On the flip side, that is the best way some folks can communicate, so we can meet them where they are at.
Thanks for the support !! Good luck with your journey yeah I am new here so I am learning what I can and can’t say . Like you said I can talk to my therapist or primary care doctor when I am ready . Baby steps . I am proud of how far I came anyways and I am trying .
yeah I am new here so I am learning what I can and can’t say . Like you said I can talk to my therapist or primary care doctor when I am ready . Baby steps . I am proud of how far I came anyways and I am trying .