How to Not Get Sober

Knowledge
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First, I will admit these are the ramblings of a Madman. But, being that this madman has marked 30 years without a drink or drug, perhaps these insights have merit…

In my experience, it’s almost impossible to get sober “all on your own.”

Our own best thinking led us to substances again and again. Do we honestly think any idea we have right now is a bright one? We can’t fool ourselves. We’ve been doing that for years.

At this point the newbie is a dog trying to perceive a rainbow (dogs are color blind, btw). We are not gonna get there without a whole new set of eyes, and we don’t have a set in our pocket - gonna have to go in search of them.

When I hit bottom, my last intention was getting sober. I was CRAZY, not a drunkard - so I sought out a shrink.

It was she who pointed out that the crazies weren’t going ANYWHERE until I stopped getting wasted on a daily basis. And, since I dinna wanna be kra-kra no more, I took the doctor’s advice.

See there? I did TWO things right. I admitted I had a problem, and was willing to SEEK HELP.

Until we can do those two things, any attempt to dry out is likely to fail. We DO NOT have this.

If we have any lingering doubts about our addiction ‐ that MAYBE just a little moderation is in order - we are not gonna get clean.

We will relapse the second the going gets tough. And believe me, tough will seem like Sunday in the Park once we start digging in the dirt of our addiction.

I would recommend a shrink AND AA. And pay no attention to any one in an AA meeting who scoffs at therapy. AA’s own literature openly states substance abuse is a SYMPTOM - not the root of our issue. It even makes mention of psychological disorders.

The role of AA is group support. If you have a religious bent, lucky you - God appears all over the literature. If you’re an Atheist, just smile when they talk about Jesus, and simply wrap your mind around the fact you need help. And HELP is a power outside yourself - whether you call it higher, or otherwise.

After you’ve been clean a few years, resist the idea you’re “cured” - you’re only JUST on your way. Make sure your therapist is NOT the kind who is just gonna listen to you ramble an hour a week and not have an actual TREATMENT plan mapped out within your first few sessions.

I would recommend a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, or a Dialectical Behavioral Therapist, as these two approaches address the core issues that got us sauced to begin with. Namely, that our thinking was fakakta, and our self image is likely cratered.

We gotta fix that stuff first before we have any chance at a happier life.

So, in a nutshell:

  1. Recognize there’s a problem.

  2. Be open to seeking help from outside sources.

  3. Heal the mind, the body will follow.

  4. Realize the SECOND we think we’re “All OK Now”, there’s a good chance we’ve overlooked something.

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i like your no-nonsense approach to getting sober! i’m currently trying to get in to see a therapist to work alongside my sobriety. :slight_smile:

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This is a great post!

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You nailed it!!

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Hollah! :raised_hands:

+1. This snuck up on me just this week. Fortunately from my program, red alarms went off in my gut and checked it real quick. Sure enough there were cracks forming, all that “me” barging back in with horrible ideas.

“Not today, satan!” :rofl:

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Yes and I think this is the bit people get hung up on. " I’m not religious" or " huh wtf higher power? I’m my higher power" are attitudes that are going nowhere!

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Yes! I love this post!
And finding a higher power is simply part of looking to someone or something else to help you with your problems.
And by the way, they dont talk about jesus in aa… but do refer to God, as just your higher power. And no one tells you how to perceive your God, that is up to you to decide.
Some people make aa itself their higher power, because it works so well for them. There is an example of just making some doorknob your higher power. It doesnt have to be specific or even religious at all, just anything you can speak to and give your stuff over to.
Anyway, good advice. I relapsed before because I became so complacent, and kind of did feel like I had gotten over my issues. It’s a trap people! Our alcoholic demon will tell us anything to make us drink again and tear us down.

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What if you are living in Eastern Europe and don’t have access to much of the resources, you are an atheist from an early age, and you can’t just pray and go to church or seek a higher power. Not much medications are approved or simply not available.

Please let me hear your thoughts on this.

Questions are welcome.

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I would love to help you look for resources in your area. Where abouts in eastern Europe are you?

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Montenegro.

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Are you looking for medication or meeting type stuff?

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30 years is incredibly impressive. You’re obviously doing something right. Kudos.

I’m not in a program. I’m not in therapy. No medication. No groups.

I stopped drinking one day because I was sick of the rut I had fallen into with alcohol and I knew I didn’t want to continue it. I hated waking up hung over and filled with regret. I hated that I couldn’t remember things I had said or done. I hated how much I wanted alcohol and how I prioritized it. I hated that I drank more quickly than my friends and that I secretly counted bottles at parties worried we would run out. I hated the fights I got into and the men I brought home.

I tried moderation for quite some time and found it to be a fool’s folly. I was the fool. And then one day I just quit. I’m at 4 years and 9 months sober. I check in here regularly. I read a lot. I walk a lot. I’ve done a lot of thinking and writing about my experience. I’m grateful every day that I decided to pull the plug on a lifestyle that wasn’t taking me anywhere good. I don’t think I’ve got everything figured out. But I’m doing pretty good right now.

From time to time I see posts on this site in which people say their way is the only way. That has not been my experience.

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This was the best resource until people decided for their own reasons to leave the platform.

I don’t find it exciting and motivating enough besides a few threads.

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Would ya’ll believe this post was flagged? T’was!

Admittedly, my first draft was - how shall we say…?

Really $#@!ing snarky

Went back, changed a lot of you’s to we’s, cut the f-bombs, etc.

:grin:

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You’ve obviously not been to meetings in Central PA.:grin:

“My higher power, who I choose to call Jesus Christ…”

Yeah, it gets tiresome, and I often have disagreements with the lovely people that tell me I won’t truly get it tol I let the Lord in…doesn’t help that the literature says much the same thing.

But I’m not here to bash the religious.

As I like to say in meetings, “I don’t care if you pray to Jesus, Jehovah, Allah, or the Easter Bunny - the important point is coming to the realization you aren’t gonna succeed all by your lonesome…”

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I respect your thoughts, but since it doesn’t make any sense to me, it doesn’t provide help.

Thank you for trying. Yes, this is something you do by yourself and if any other resources are available use them. It is tailored. Different for every single of us.

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If I could only give one piece of advice to an alcoholic or addict this would be exactly what I would tell them. If you don’t address the root cause of why you keep abusing you’re gonna use again. Once in treatment, talk to your therapist about EMDR. Google it because I can’t explain why it works only that it does. @Ravenevermore, thank you so much for this post. It’s SPOT ON

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Both. Because I have ADHD and am bipolar 2. I need both.

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You sound like a very wise man who has been through some stuff. I enjoy your post. To me you are the type of guy that I would call “Old School” from work. Been through some shit and passing on the knowledge to the next generation. Thank you sir.

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I know how you feel. I live in a VERY religious place, and if I so much as HINT I’m am atheist, the Bible thumpers go nuts.

Yeah, doesn’t look like AA has a foothold in Montenegro. But PLEASE know you are not alone. You have friends here. We’ll do whatever we can here to be of assistance.

Anyone else in Europe that can help Lulu out?

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