How to say no?

[Doug23]

7 days sober today and it’s been hard going. I’m off on holiday with a friend tomorrow which is usually accompanied with an airport pint and poolside cocktails throughout. Any tips on how to say no assertively as we usually do 241 and I’m still feeling quite vulnerable but need to stay commited. Worried they’re going to plonk a drink infront of me or get annoyed that i’m bringing them down by not partaking or I’ll cave and think it’s ok because ‘i’m on holiday’ and ‘it’s only one’. I still have the mindset that i can’t do this, cravings and I’m going to fail. Any advice greatly appreciated

[Peaceofmind]

Hi.

It was suggested to me that I needed to change people places and things if I wanted to get and stay sober. Those words have rang true.

During the first two weeks of my sobriety I was faced with a similar circumstance as you. I knew if I went through with my “vacation” I would likely relapse. I chose not to go.

So far I have been able to maintain my sobriety and I have leaned to deal with challenges like you are facing. I could never have done that in early sobriety. I had to chose myself, my sobriety and my health over anything else.

If I’m not sober, there is no vacation…there is really nothing else.

Simple answer, it’s a lot easier to say no and avoid the potential problems to go and find out the hard way.

[LeeHawk]

I would sit this holiday out with your friends. Next year, after some sober time, you may be able to go, or you will have found other adventures your more interested in because your sobriety gave you the freedom to do so.

[Sonny]

I would say don’t go, but I assume you already have your ticket if you’re going tomorrow, and it would be kind of cruddy to ditch your friend at the last minute and they have to go solo.

Have you talked to them about it? The potential to cave and join in seems kind of high in this situation. Maybe set some boundaries and let them know where you stand before heading off.

[desert_rose]

Hi Doug,

For me, I really had to stay away from people and places that triggered my cravings in the early days. It wasn’t easy at all. Sometimes it still isn’t easy!

My first advice is, if you can, skip the holiday.

If you really have to go (and mind you, there are very few things in life that we absolutely have to attend), have a solid plan. Tell your friends you’re not drinking. Rehearse what you’ll say when they insist. Have a plan to remove yourself from the situation and go to bed early if it gets to be too much. Have something that YOU will enjoy that does not involve drinks. For me a walk or a workout always helped. Check in here. Find a meeting where you’re going. Make that plan and stick to it. No matter what, you don’t drink for those 24 hours. And then for the next 24.

I’ll share a bit of my struggles and thoughts on these links, in case any of it helps you:

Sometimes I still feel like I'm suffocating - but it's getting better

Hi everyone, I was talking to a friend last weekend and found myself saying that severe discomfort with the status quo forces you to make a change, which no sane person would do when you have smooth sailing waters and comfortable, familiar surroundings. Change is very tough, and we only choose it when it really is not a choice at all. But tough as it is, it brings growth, and facing a challenge head on (once you decide to do it) is a very good thing for anyone. I was surprised to hear myself …

Need to be held accountable - travels, social occasions and life as it is

I’m leaving on a business trip now and have a dreadful feeling that I could relapse. It’s a stressful trip, with stressful people and I’ll have to socialize the best I can. Drinks will be around, for sure. The amount of triggers I see comming is scaring me big time. I’ll try to check in here. Any words of support are appreciated. Please help.

Keep us posted. You can do this!

[Tm8820]

What’s interesting is that people better understand if you them you don’t drink soda. But question if you say you don’t drink a beer .

Some rationale: Starting a weight loss plan, trying to do a reset (I’ve used this one as I explain that it shouldn’t take at least 3 beers to feel anything) or just plan old truth, I’m not getting a benefit anymore so I’m taking a break.

[Alycia]

I agree with everyone above- my first months of sobriety I avoided putting myself in situations that made me want to drink. If you cannot get out of the holiday, then you will really need to remind yourself why you want to stay sober. Maybe get a new sobriety book, they really helped me in the beginning
I also second the finding activities that you want to do instead of feeing like ur missing out on the “fun” of alcohol.
And if you feel like you can’t share with your friend about getting sober, you can always do the health/medication excuse to get you off the hook. I’m on antibiotics/new diet or whatever, people are less likely to give ya shit for something you cannot control, and less likely to try bend your arm and get you to just have one.

[Crazybear]

Just say not today tanks.

[VSue]

If you really think your friends won’t respect a simple “no” then why would you want to go on a trip with them?

Just sayin’.

The great thing with sobriety is that you really learn who are the true friends. A true friend may still ask “are you sure?” but they will respect you when you say “yes, I am”.

YOU CAN DO IT!!