Hey all! This is my first post here. I’m a daily Mary Jane user and a social drinker and have been for close to 25 years. I’ve had periods of sobriety lasting several months but it hasn’t lasted up to this point. I really want to stop but every time I have a stretch of sobriety I go right back to using sooner or later. I feel so much better physically and mentally when sober so I don’t know what makes me go back. My biggest challenge is that my spouse is a very heavy daily smoker and doesn’t see anything wrong with it so he doesn’t support my sobriety because that means I’m not as fun I guess. I recently made it to 2 weeks sober but then a Saturday date night turned into relapse. Any advice for success when living with an unsupportive and actively using spouse? I know many will say “leave him” but that’s not realistic for me at this point so looking for any other resources or what has worked for others who stay. Thanks in advance.
I have some friends who came into sobriety through the Al-Anon program and some who went to Al-Anon later in sobriety.
It’s a program for family and friends of alcoholics, and I’m going to guess for other drug addictions as well.
Welcome Abbie.
There are many threads about this.
I started one myself.
20 days before I turned 60 I had had enough of being fat drunk and hungover. I really really wanted to stop the vicious cycle of drinking all day. Waking up hung over. Repeat. I was hoping my wife might join me. (She doesn’t get hangovers and doesn’t want to quit.) (she likes it.)
Anyway, I download this app started a thread about ME WANTING SOBRIETY and I was welcomed by a bunch of beautiful, sober people from all around the world that I now call friends, all trying not to take that first drink. Or DOC. Because after that first one I know all bets are off. I’m very active on here. And because of this app. My knowledge of addiction, I learned because my children 
An open mind. Belief I’m powerless over alcohol, mine, yours, my wife’s, my children’s. And now attending Al-Anon meetings frequently I can happily say I’m sober and never want to go back. It isn’t easy. I’ve worked hard. I’m on this app participating too much. But I’m not drinking.
One Day At A Time.
We are here if you want the support.
Have a good read around. Join in when your comfortable.
It’s hard to change the dynamic of a relationship but that is what is going to have to happen for you here I think. My husband and I met bartending and spent many years as people who drink together. Over a year ago a few words from him inspired me to try quitting drinking again. I haven’t looked back. He continues to drink.
It was a little lonely and resentful and annoying for a while but I think we’ve hit our stride. There is always more work to be done.
It is helpful for me to remember that he drinks alcohol with HIS body. My body stays sober. It can be easy to fall into the trap that because you are a couple you do the same things. My husband also doesn’t drink coffee and it is the lifeblood of my very veins (I kid! Mostly, don’t touch my coffee 
).
Keep posting on here and we will keep trying to help. It can be done! Stay focused on your sober journey. I wish you all the best.
Thank you for pointing me in the right direction and for sharing best of luck on your continued journey.
Thank you for your words of encouragement! We met in a similar scenario, both daily drinkers and smokers. I started moving in a different direction a few years ago and he’s perfectly content where he is, but sometimes seems like he doesn’t want me to be sober because it’s not as fun for him when I am. Today I’m on day one again for the bazillionth time and hoping to find the strength and determination to make it stick.
Welcome!! It is complicated for sure. I am sorry your spouse is unsupportive. My husband didn’t really understand how to be supportive in early days or weeks, and frankly I didn’t know how support looked for me at that time. I shared about it in this thread (and others linked), maybe you will find something helpful. Glad you are here!!
Thanks for the resources and words of wisdom!
I remember this feeling. I pushed past it and became a little more selfish with what I knew was right for me. Now my husband brags about my sobriety but the transition was tough.