I have struggled with this for years. Since I first started drinking in my teens I’ve been a binge drinker and it has caused me a lot of anxiety and shame. Easy to say alcohol just doesn’t fit me. Now I don’t drink often and I can go months without drinking or have just a glass or two. I have realised and started accepting that no matter how well I behave,I will feel like shit for days after getting drunk and it’s not worth it. The problem is I forget this when monts have passed without being drunk and I think I can go and have a few drinks and a fun night. It just never works out that way and I end up hating myself for putting myself in that position AGAIN. How do you keep focused? How do you shut down the voice in your head saying that you really don’t have a problem?
I had my last drink nearly 3 months ago and this is something I’m starting to think about, how to keep my guard up!
My last night drinking and the way it made me feel seems to be burnt in my mind for now, but I might write it down, along with all the other things that made me want to stop drinking, so I have that to remind me if it starts to fade. I have seen a few people saying that (@MoCatt I think?) And it’s such a good idea.
I have also spent a lot of time thinking about not drinking and reflecting on why I used to use alcohol which has also helped keep it fresh. But once the lessons have been learned there’s got to come a point to move forwards. So at the same time as reflecting I’m also working on building healthy, positive habits and behaviours, for me that’s committing more to yoga, meditation and general fitness. Putting myself in a better position today will help keep me steady in future.
When our mind is wanting that drink, we have a habit of remembering the good times and diminishing or outright forgetting the bad times. “It won’t be like that, this time”. What a load. I would occasionally be able to go out and “just have a few”, and that would often fortify that part of my brain. Of course, I’d always eventually wind up back in the old habits. Just a matter of time.
I think it’s important to remember a few things:
The bad times were real, they outweighed the good times, and they were NOT fun and NOT worth the “price of admission” (loss of self respect, happiness, etc). Your brain is lying to you.
Even if you can get away with being able to stick to just having a “few”, know that this won’t last. Not for the majority of us. Play with fire long enough, and sure enough you’ll get burned. Some people can moderate their drinking, and kudos to them. That ain’t me. Been there.
The key is to catch and recognize those thoughts before they get any steam. Immediately label them as BS. Clip them off and move on, find something to occupy yourself until those thoughts go out with the tide.
I think if you can go several months at a time, without drinking, even though you occasionally have a glass of wine now and then. You’re doing pretty good.
I totally understand the “fun night” and regretting the morning after. I also have the same voice in my head that says, I don’t have a drinking problem.
I’m trying to be honest with myself, and accept that alcohol is robbing my health, if I continue to drink every day.
Good luck on your journey.