How to stop talking yourself into relapse?


I got as far as 16 days then couldn’t make it past a couple of days. Then I hit 37 days sober and I felt like I was invincible and since then I’ve relapsed so many times. I just can’t seem to figure it out. How do you stop talking yourself into drinking? I allow myself to succumb to my negative thinking, that “i can control it”, “F it”,” it’s just a reset” etc. I’m sick and tired of failing. I get back up each time. But I don’t think I change anything that keeps me failing. I am in a women’s step study and I attend meeting on Monday nights. Any advice is helpful at this point. I don’t know what to do.


My fiance is recovering alcoholis eight months sober. He used to drink at least a fifth 750ml a day of Vodka. He has to attend meetings at least 4x a week and stay busy on his off days or he will relapse. No doubt in my mind


More meetings? That’s true. I haven’t been as consistent as I was during my longest stretch.


Do the opposite of what you would normally do. Just try it.
Patterns don’t change unless you change something.
If you keep talking yourself into a relapse, has it worked yet? Can you really drink socially? Have you beaten the odds?
Amazing job for coming back each time! Keep it up!
Try something unfamiliar, maybe it just might work and change the pattern. Do something you wouldn’t normally do, something that’s not expected.
We as alcoholics/addicts, our way just doesn’t work anymore. It hasn’t gotten us anywhere.
Change it up.


I think you answered your own question, don’t you?

You said, “But I don’t think I change anything that keeps me failing.”

If nothing changes…nothing changes. I’m still figuring this whole thing out, but I’ve had to completely turn my habits and lifestyle upside down, because the status quo just kept me spinning in the same cycle.


@Bfunkbaby19 and @Spartan_Chris thank you. Totally true. Changing everything is a must. What I’ve been doing obviously hasn’t worked. What are some things you’ve changed in your life to help with your recovery?


#1 for me has been avoiding my social circle of drinking “friends” which as time has passed, I have started to see the relationships as lacking any real substance beyond drinking together. This was tough for me to swallow at first, but absolutely necessary to avoid triggers. So aside from work, I’m pretty isolated socially right now…which is ok, because I am spending more healthy quality time with my family. I haven’t changed much else in my day to day habits…I always work out, mtn bike, run etc. I’ve actually been doing less of that because I’ve been really tired since becoming sober, but my energy is starting to pick up now. I also have seen a therapist, got on Lexapro and use the hell out of this app. All those things combined, seem to be working for me.


I changed phones. Dropped every single unhealthy person I could. Sacrifices must be made to save our lives. I got off Facebook, deleted my account.
This may seem very harsh for some people, but for me it was extremely necessary. In weak moments I would slip and cling onto unhealthy people.
I had to really reevaluate my own worth, and stop giving people discounts.
I’m in a day program right now, hoping to get into a residential treatment in a month.
I had to let go of all my co-dependent relationships, and believe me this is still the hardest part for me.
Sometimes I feel so lonely I’m in physical pain.
I still seek instant gratification, and I just want all these things NOW.
But the way people used to look at me is not the way I want to be remembered.
I’m joining every group I can. I’m filling my time with healthy things like going to the gym, meetings, and I’m gonna look up somewhere to volunteer,
The busier I am and the more of a routine I have makes me feel better.
Once you stop the using you need to replace it with something healthy. Or else nothing changes, you’re just miserable because you’ve left this hole from using and you haven’t replaced it with anything.


I’m also completely isolated socially, but for me this is good because I can focus on family, and start to BUILD healthy friends. I get to choose this time.


“I got off Facebook, deleted my account.
This may seem very harsh for some people, but for me it was extremely necessary. In weak moments I would slip and cling onto unhealthy people.”

YES!!! I did the same thing for the same reason.


:slight_smile: glad I’m not alone in this. God it sucked at first. But I’m used to it now.


I deleted all social media. It’s unhealthy and unnecessary. I think finding a hobby might be a good replacement as you both indicated. I also go to the gym, but I need more of a routine. That’s been my struggle. Sticking to it. Thanks for your shares. It’s been helpful. I know what I need to do. Now I just have to do it, and stick to it. Like a workout routine, we plateau and have to change it up. More meetings, find a hobby, delete one last non healthy friend, get into counseling and stick to a routine.



So your thread sounded so familiar to me. I went through that on off switch for years and years.

I wish I could offer a better solution then what I am about to say but i found it to be the only way. Everytime I would talk myself into drinking I would do the same thing.

This date is better, I will do it on Monday, Thanksgiving is right around the corner so I might as well keep drinking till then, my friends in town, the office party, I am going on that trip to Malta (that was for Heddy :wink: )

I always had a reason because I just hadnt hit my bottom yet. I hadnt hit that lowest of the low that convinced me I was a real deal alcoholic and if I put even so much as one swallow in my mouth I would be back at it and may never make it back to sobriety alive.

Thats what is took for me to stop beimg a card carrying toe dipping half measured relapser.

When I finally hit that bottom I would hit a meeting three times a day if that is what they told me to do to stay sober. I have a commitment 5 days a week and see my sponsor once a week for check in review the reading step work.

I know for me this is no joke I cant waffle or I will die. I wish I had a better answer but until the powerlessness sinks in on a personal level and you know that you can never ever ever ever have a drink again for the rest of yoyr life and be ok with it this tightrope will continue.

I am sorry you are not convinced and I will pray for no real harm to come to you during the trial period.

This disease kills more people than cancer and has aower success rate. Even if you can pull off high finctioning type drinking like me the misery-go-round is sometimes worse than death.

Chin up and stay close.


Ha! I thought everyone forgot about that post by now. :wink: My first big hurdle is coming up January 20th. I’m showing my photography and the venue asked I host an Opening Reception January 20th. Cue the social anxiety that normally would call for a glass or three of wine.

Actually, now that I’ve gotten used to being sober, I think getting a buzz would just make me more nervous and self-conscious. Anyway, Malta is not where I am right now, so I can only be where I am today, I am learning. :slightly_smiling_face: (Day 63)


Deleted my FB as well. Good move!


I was pacing round the house the other day as I really REALLY wanted a drink! Luckily my husband was on hand to tell me no, I couldn’t have one and how well I’d done so far which did help. It’s almost like a feeling of shame when he steps in and tells me I can’t and it kicks me back into touch. Not for everyone but it works for me x


I convinced myself I don’t actually feel much better, life isn’t worse sober, and I don’t enjoy what I experience when I drink or smoke pot. Which actually wasn’t hard. I definitely was so frustrated/desparate for SOMETHING sometimes I felt like beating my head against a wall. Like that would make it go away. I had to connect the drinking and drugs as the main cause of all my mood swings and self-deprecating thoughts. And all my fear. And missed opportunities. That was hard because as long as I was doing something my life seemed to be pretty good for a long time. I had to focus on even the tiniest good things I experience when I’m sober. I mean small like checking the mail or seeing a rabbit go by. Mindfulness I guess. I do all sorts of slightly odd things to comfort myself too. I take things, hell even walking, a little slower than I used to so I know I’m relaxed and enjoying myself. Looking at what I want at the grocery store even though I know I’m going to get the same damn thing I did last time. I go through a lot of trouble to avoid things that stress me out. They mostly have to do with conversations and forming relationships. It’s actually pretty obvious to me now I don’t usually want to drink and it’s not what I want or need out of life. I get about one craving for alcohol a month now. I’ve been working on this for at least 2 years. In some ways much longer. I still need to do more though. Next time I get close I’m going to write 1 year on my hand. I hope I remember. I kind of forget all these things and don’t think to remind myself sometimes. I throw all caution to the wind and think maybe “hell I deserve it, I can do it, It won’t hurt” Yeah you know what those things may even be true but 1000 one more times is 3 years, more shitty friends that reinforce maladaptive behaviors, less support, love, and more people I let down. If you met me in public you may believe me when I say in a way there’s only a sliver of the person I was and could’ve been left. Drugs and alcohol just scrape away at it. I’ll learn to take care of my sliver.


“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

A good idea i was told when i get negative thoughts is to hold your breath for a short time. You can’t think of anything when you hold your breath other than having to hold your breath. Another one is to do a quick burst of high energy exercise for around 5 minutes.


So did I. Removed the FB app from my phone and it was pretty liberating!! Although I am fairly certain I’ve quickly replaced that app with this one. :joy: But I suppose this is probably better. No pictures of people boozing it up and loving the life.


Become a disciple of sobriety, a student of the discipline of being sober. You were once a beginner. Now be a student for life.

Read the Book of 5 Rings, by Musashi. Look past all of that Zen Samurai stuff, to what he’s really saying: Mastery takes discipline. By mastering one thing, you’ve learned to master all things.

Become a master of sobriety. Then go master something else. Doesn’t matter what. Could be knitting, Dancing the Tango, Fencing or playing the Harmonica. You’ve mastered sobriety. You can master anything.