How to tell my friends I don't drink anymore?

Hi everyone, I’m new here, just downloaded this app. My biggest fear in this journey is to face situations where everyone is drinking and I have to say ‘I don’t drink anymore’. My friends and family know me as someone who likes to party and drink until late, they see it as something positive in me, which today I started wondering if actually it is positive for me also. How was your experience with that? How did they react? How does it feel to be in a party or event and don’t drink anymore? Did it also change your self-perception (positevely or negatively)? What to tell people?

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Hii Lori9! I really hope this app help us! I searched for a place where I could talk openely about this and to feel in a safe place to do it so. I really want to change my life and I guess the only part that really scares me is the social change around it… really don’t know how to reintroduce myself to people in my life

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True =)) one day at the time! I am, thanks. I’ve watched a couple of movies and been reading about sobriety… going to sleep in a bit. Hope you enjoyed yours too!

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I had the same concerns and people didn’t take my claim of sobriety seriously at first. I had colleagues and friends who basically said “we will see how long this lasts”. I attended a few really boozy events and faced the peer pressure and temptation to drink head on. Although it was hard, it certainly wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be and the more you do it the more the people around you begin to take the new sober you seriously. It gets far easier, far faster than you would expect. I think another thing you have to deal with it first taking it seriously yourself. That is the most import part.

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Thanks so much for your reply! It’s so good to know it’s possible… I think this is the only real struggle for me. When you quit, did you tell people straight away?

No problem. That’s what this forum is about :blush:. I choose not to tell people I was planning on quitting drinking because I had tried time and time again to quit and failed.

Instead I told people I was having a month off. When people asked me why I would just let them know I was feeling run down all the time and needed a detox. I had this perception that people would actually care and they didn’t. I think sometimes we think people care about what we do more than they do in reality. Sure I got a bit of shit for it in the workplace and from my friends but that’s inevitably going to happen

Over the course of the first month my friends and colleagues got used to the fact that I wasn’t drinking and at the end of the month I just kept it going. I mean it’s not like anyone was tracking how many days I had or when my month was over :joy: Some people asked me and I just said I’m way past a month now but I feel amazing so I’m gonna keep going.

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I should also add there was one phrase that really helped me explain myself to people and that was “if I wanted to drink I would, but right now I don’t”. I have used this all the time when people question my decision to not drink. It’s clear cut and no one I spoke to ever had anything to come back with to that :joy:

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For the most part, I stayed away from my usual bars and drinking circles for the first six months of sobriety. When I didn’t, I found there was a surprising amount of pressure to keep drinking.

My drinking buddies wanted to me to keep drinking and my sobriety made them uncomfortable. I think it made some people question their own drinking and they didn’t want to do that. Telling some of them I wasn’t drinking was like dropping a lead balloon and was met with pressure and resistance. To be fair, I hated sober people when I was drinking. So I get it.

My close friends (all of whom drank, just not as much as me) knew it was a good move for me to stop or slow down (I could stop but I couldn’t slow down). They were immediately supportive though also very curious about why I stopped. That was fine. It was helpful to talk through my decision with them.

But I didn’t really tell people until I had maybe a month of sobriety under my belt. I was a lot less clear about what I was doing in the beginning.

Telling people I’m not drinking now (just short of six years sober) is a non- event for me at this point. It’s easy. I don’t feel any pressure anymore. I rarely have to say it though because I don’t hang out in bars much anymore and my friends know I don’t drink.

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I’ve told everyone I consider my friend that I’m an alcoholic and have gotten sober. All of them - including the people who drink - have told me they’re proud of me. I even had someone follow in my footsteps and that’s a great feeling.
Some people I’m not close to, I’ll just say “thanks, but I’m not drinking right now”. If they ask, I just say I’m taking a break because it was getting a little out of control. Half the time they’re like, “omg tell me about it, since COVID started I’ve been drinking more too!”

If anyone has a problem with your not drinking, that’s their issue not yours. Not your monkey, not your circus :monkey::upside_down_face:

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I read this subject a lot and personally I don’t understand it. Tell people, shout it from the roof tops, be proud that you are the wiser stronger person. Some will just smile and think yeah right we believe you, prove them wrong. Others will maybe start to look at their own behaviour and you could well inspire them to take the first step. You answer to only one person now and you will discover this as your wonderful journey continues. Welcome BTW :pray::v::heart:

Thanks everyone, I barely slept this night, but waking up and reading all this gave me strengh to keep going. My hope is that my friends and family will understand and support my decision, but I’m also becoming more aware that some people won’t and that’s fine. I lived my life for too long putting others needs in the first place, so guess this why putting myself first now feels alien to me. I’ll keep visting this forum everyday and I hope one day I can be where you are now, being able to tell about months sober and happy <3

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There will always be some ppl who want you to have a drink with them and don’t understand the word NO. But the most understand and won’t ask along.
I remember in early sobriety I had a girls night, we went to a bar that has delicious mocktails. They had alcohol, me not. One of them wanted me to try her drink and I just said “no thanks I’m fine”. She asked me 3x until she realized that I didn’t want to. That was hard, but I was so proud! To be honest, most ppl are not interested in why you stopped. You tell them and it’s okay for them :blush:

I just tell people honestly drinking messed up my life, I can’t control it, I’m tired of hangovers, blackouts, etc. If they can’t understand that or have a problem with that, maybe it’s better to not be around them.

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I was just honest told them I stopped drinking it was nothing to be ashamed of my passed is a reflection on ho I am today that a better man with life skills and story that can help overs like myself. For me I didn’t go to party or put myself in situations that wood put my recovery at risk at first I am naw 6 months 12 days clean I just started going for meals meeting up with old friends been round drink but if I feel it put me and my recovery at risk I always have a plan B I remove myself from that situation my true friends and family understand that understand y hope this help and good luck on your journey of recovery. Peace and love x

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Friend - “You want a beer”

Me - “Naw, I’m good. Thanks though” or “Nope, but thanks though”

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I just told them I quit, same as someone would quit smoking or would go on a diet.

No detailed explanation, just " I quit".

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Thankss for sharing all this! I haven’t told anyone yet, guess I’ll wait until next weekend and do an insta post sharing about a dry month, then simply keep going and say I decided to stay sober. My reason to quit is less about frequency of drinking and more about intensisty. It would be 1 day a week, but this one day would cost other 1 or2 days recovering, feeling anxious and saying to myself ‘I should never drink again’, but then I’d feel better and next weekend do all over again. I feel like it’s blocking me to progress in other parts of my life and enjoy more of life has to offer… don’t know if this means I’m an alcoholic or not, but I defo want to change that… dunno if I should seek a therapist or something like that to help understand this better? Or what else I can do?

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Something I’ve always struggled with. All my friends drink…a lot…Me too. I keep hitting day one again. Ugh. Thinking of outpatient rehab. I have a few friends that know my problem and troubles I’ve been in so they would be supportive. Everyone else I would push to back burner. It basically boils down to who’s life are you living yours or theirs

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