Hi @HCF and welcome 
I haven’t been in your situation personally but I have read many stories of people here on Talking Sober who have been in that situation or a similar one. You are definitely not alone.
Stick to it. Keep learning, keep reaching out for sober contacts and sober learning, and you’ll find what you need. Remember this journey is about you, not him. It is almost certain that you will hear things from him that will feel thoughtless or hurtful, and it definitely sucks to hear those things 
but they are actually about him, not you. It’s him in the place where he is. He doesn’t understand the place you are, or at least, he doesn’t understand it in the same way you do. It hurts sometimes but it is one of those things which is outside our control.
Eric has a really good thread you would find relevant to your experience - have a look:
Are you affected by a loved one who’s an addict?
Take care and don’t give up. You’re a good person and you deserve a life where you can be your full self, perfectly imperfect, not running, not escaping: present for yourself and the people you love.