Congratulations on your first month sober. This was the hardest for me. It will get easier!
I think we have to just always accept that even though we know this is the best decision and my life is definitely better without drinking, there will be parts of it that we’ll miss, and that’s okay. I just know the parts I miss are not worth it for the parts I don’t 
and giving up the alcohol definitely doesn’t mean you should give up dancing around your home 
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First off congratulations on your sobriety. I’m sort of kind of going through the same situation only worse because and your situation, you said that you and your husband never had arguments due to alcohol or disagreements. It was a total opposite with my husband and I gave him the ultimatum of get help or we’re divorced and not together, so after months and months of saying it he finally did it and he’s due to be released in a week from his 28-day rehab. I think your husband should respect that you no longer want to drink and just don’t drink around you but you also a very strong person to still remain sober even though he drinks around you so congratulations to you with that willpower and I wish and pray my husband has that same willpower with being around people that drink like his father that I just made a post about and staying as strong as you if they choose to drink around him. I think it should be a discussion that your husband respects that you no longer want to drink and that should be fine with him if you felt like it was a problem that you had to stop then he should support you in that and respect not drinking around you. But that’s just my opinion seems like you have a very nice and understanding husband so I’m sure of you had a discussion with him you guys will be just fine. God bless and God bless you with continued sobriety and your relationship 
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I’m so glad your husband has took the massive step of going to rehab and the absolute best of luck to him for next week when he comes out 🫶🏻. Everyone’s situation is different isn’t it, when I made my decision I decided to not ask those around me to stop drinking because we live in a world surrounded by the normalisation of alcohol, at every event so I knew even if my husband stopped I’d still have to be surrounded by friends and family members drinking alcohol so I knew it was part of my journey to learn to abstain when it’s around. In the early days it was a trigger and I found it hard at weekends after putting the kids to bed to even sit in the living room because that would be where I’d pour a glass of wine and just breathe a sigh of relief. So I often had a bath and just went to bed! But I don’t even really think about it now and it no longer feels like abstinence I no longer want a drink and enjoy AF options at the weekend. I’m sure the months ahead will be really hard for your husband he will benefit from all the support and understanding you clearly have for him, my biggest tool was to constantly play the tape forward. Every time I was triggered to drink I thought about where it could take me and how I would feel the following day. I also had a list in the notes of my phone of the reasons I wanted to stop and I’d open it and read it every time I felt triggered. I’m sure he’ll have learned a lot of skills in rehab, and I really hope for his success, if he does have a slip at some point try not to see it as a failure but more an opportunity for learning and becoming stronger, what were the triggers and how can they be addressed better when they show up again. Sobriety has really helped me look inwards so much more instead of numbing every emotion, it’s hard but so incredibly rewarding. All the best for your future together and thanks you for your kind words and support x
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Thanks so much for your kind words as well, and best of luck to you and your husband and family and your new life of being sober
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Hi, there. Thank you for the detailed information about your problem.
I have been exactly where you are. Only difference is that my lady and I were not married yet, we were planning to be married. I was seeing a therapist for my own improvement for my relationships with women. Doing some very hard, sometimes painful work with Elizabeth, my therapist. When I decided to get help for my drinking problem (I was addicted to Cocaine as well but Alcohol was my drug of choice), I told Elizabeth and we jointly decided I needed a professional substance use disorder assessment that included a mental health evaluation. No mental health issues but I needed to go into inpatient treatment for my alcoholism and drug addiction. So unlike you, I came clean with my lady by telling her in detail some of the things I had been doing, and I told her I was going into inpatient treatment. She was totally supportive. But when I got home a month after entering inpatient treatment, she was not responding well to my behavior and I am not sure it was that she wanted me to drink with her, but her behavior in many ways mirrored what you describe about your husband. My decision was simple. It was me or her. I was terrified of relapsing and I was not going to risk that over a partner who wanted me to go back to the way I was before I went into treatment. I asked her to move out. That was the end of that relationship. That was over 30 years ago and I have been in continuous recovery since then. I do not regret my decision to ask her to leave my home.
I understand that this would mean you would divorce your husband or separate from him, and I can’t make that suggestion to someone this new to the world of recovery (I am using the term “recovery” because I assume you attend AA meetings and you are working a 12 Step recovery program. Right?). But I was willing to go to any lengths to stay not just sober but in recovery and working on a pathway to more joy and happiness in my life. At any cost.
Linda, my former special lady, and I are still good friends. She is happily married to someone else. We still stay in touch. But I could not live with her because she threatened my continued recovery and sobriety. I am glad I made that decision.
For you, what I hear is someone (your husband) who has their own drinking problem. Why do they need you to drink with him? It is alcohol consumption, for crying out loud. If he did not have a drinking problem then he would be fine being with you and you not drinking. He would do nothing but support you in your struggle for serenity and recovery from a serious and often fatal disease.
A couple of things to consider: 1) ask him to attend some open AA meetings with you; 2) go to some Al Anon meetings with him (my lady said she was not like the Al Anon people, which was a bad sign for our continued relationship if I was to stay in recovery); 3) if for some reason you have not been attending 12 Step recovery support group meetings every week, then you are on shaky ground for continued recovery and happiness; 4) ask him why he needs you to be drinking for him to drink; ask him what feelings are causing him to make these comments? It sounds like he feels uncomfortable drinking unless you drink with him. In other words, he is looking to you to validate his drinkiing. That is a hallmark characteristic of a problem with alcohol, fixation on what someone else is doing and thinking about you.
You seem fixated on what he thinks about you. Your own self esteem is not validated by what he thinks or says about you. But you seem to be concerned about how he responds to what you are doing in your personal life such as not drinking. This is your decision, not his, and he doesn’t have to like it. The fact that he obviously does not like it is a sign he feels badly about his own drinking. The big question is: why?Which brings me back to taking him to some of your AA meetings or some Al Anon meetings.
Your self esteem comes from within you, or if you are healthy mentally, it comes all from within you. YOu don’t derive self worth from how others think about you or how they respond to what you do or say. What he says or does makes no difference to you and how you feel about yourself. I see you feeling low self esteem over your husband’s comments. This threatens your recovery. Are you willing to risk failure by continuing to endure his negative comments about your not drinking? That is like walking a high wire over Niagara Falls without a parachute or safety net. You feel insecure about your relationship with him. Have you considered asking your husband to go with you to see a Marriage and Family Therapist about this? What harm could it do? And if it actually helps deepen your relationship with your husband and iron out this problem, why wouldn’t both of you want to try it?
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Well my story is alot diffrent but me stopping drinking has effected my relationship badly , and i just lost my Girlfriend because im not the same person straight . I cave into myself and can not deal with just about all her friends now.
I have no idea what to do. Stopping drinking is not my problem but being normal and having fun with everyone is . 49 years of bring fucked up. Straight is just not a normal life for me .
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