yesterday I almost relapsed with bulimia. since I gotta kicked out of the house I’m finding myself counting more and more times calories and trying to fast and stuff. and yesterday I want to throw up so bad. I sat in front of the bathroom for like 10 minutes. at the end I didn’t do it
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Congratulations! I’m a recovered bulimic and I promise it gets easier. Every time you dont throw up, youre building momentum. It’s a positive snow ball effect.
You really cant count calories. I know its hard, but you MUST let go of all diet culture. At least at first (possibly forever). You MUST eat three meals a day at LEAST (with 2/3 snacks eventually). You need to eat to recover. Stick with safe foods at first, ones you can manage, and eventually add in things that are a bit more challenging.
Keep a food diary. Write down what you eat and how it makes you feel, with a number for anxiety felt. This is a CBT tool and helps you a) identify triggers b) get your thoghts out in a healthy way.
There are groups for people with bulimia and anorexia - similar to AA. They are helpful. I recovered solo but outside support is a great tool and I wish I told a doctor sooner.
DISTRACTIONS. I booked yoga classes, went for walks without my purse (to avoid buying food and binging), slept early and screamed into pillows. You need to get that energy out without purging.
Stop drinking if you are. Drinking will only lower your inhibitions and make you throw up. You need to keep your brain as switched on as possible.
Honestly, I white knuckled it for a good few months. My mantra was “just don’t do it”. Even if I binged, which happened often because I was HUNGRY after years of deprivation (it’s normal), I didn’t throw up. I sat with the uncomfortable feelings in my head and body and that’s what you have to learn to do x
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You didn’t do it so well done on this battle. You are going to want to give it. That’s normal. Each time to stay strong you learn more tools to help the next time.
Keep yourself safe and give it time.
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I struggle with alcohol bulimia…when i drink. I want to feel the “high” but make myself throw up so i dont get the calories and hopfully reduce the hangover. Its got to thr point where even if i had a glass of wine i wanted to throw up…just know you are not alone
Hang in there @Paola_Sciuto! I really like @Ashleigh’s suggestions about finding healthy distractions and working through it. Do you have some social support? Getting kicked out is tough. Do you have a place to stay and all? The stress can push towards relapse